Thread by @capeandcowell

A thread about the time I gave birth.

@CalebHowe is sitting in the hospital right now with one on the way, so say a prayer for the guy.

I rode a roller coaster one year and when I got back to the motel my pee looked like fruit punch. (1

I had never had a kidney stone so like one does I thought I had cancer or something.

I had zero pain (at the time) so I went to the doctor and he explained it was probably a kidney stone. He gave me something for pain and pills that turned my pee fluorescent orange. (2

It wasn’t very long before severe pain kicked in.

Now I’ve been in pain many times in life but this was a whole new level. My pain became so unbearable I had to go to the hospital. They took a cat-scan, patted me on the back and said “good luck, it’s headed out” (3

I got up to go to the bathroom one night and shut the bathroom door then immediately hit the floor like a sack of potatoes. Passed out cold. You know those cartoons that show birds flying around your head, that’s a real thing.

The first thing I hear is birds chirping then I hear the wife’s voice fading in saying “IF YOU DONT ANSWER IM CALLING 911”

It was kinda funny, tbh. (5

Welp, one morning I get up to take a leak and it completely stops mid-stream.

This was after weeks of passing pieces and blood.

I grab a gallon of water and a fistful of muscle relaxers and start down the road to hades. (6

I took the muscle relaxers and drink till I passed out.

I awoke a couple hours later in severe pain and sat on the toilet with a trash can on my lap.

I would puke then push. (7

I’ve pushed cars out of ditches and never pushed as hard as I did that day.

All of the sudden it sounded like I shot the toilet with a .22 pistol.

After I wake up again I see the little demon that was exorcised from my body. It was about the size of a pea but jagged. (8

Anyway, I’d say that’s some of the greatest pain I’ve ever endured, and that was just the first one.

Caleb talks like the on he has is a MONSTER so again, say a prayer for the guy.