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MAY: Meet people?!
LIDINGTON: Yes
MAY: But it'll be like a shit parents evening. "Mrs Rees-Mogg, your child keeps wetting himself in class"
LIDINGTON: We need to form bridges. I'll help you.
GOVE: aCTUally I wAS thINKing iT sHouLD bE StePHEn
LIDINGTON: What?!
STEPHEN: Yes, what?!
LIDINGTON: Yes
MAY: But it'll be like a shit parents evening. "Mrs Rees-Mogg, your child keeps wetting himself in class"
LIDINGTON: We need to form bridges. I'll help you.
GOVE: aCTUally I wAS thINKing iT sHouLD bE StePHEn
LIDINGTON: What?!
STEPHEN: Yes, what?!
MAY: You think Stephen, not David, for these meetings?
GOVE: hE Is BrEXiT mINiSTEr
STEPHEN: Oh God don't remind me
MAY: But David is good at the human thing!
GOVE: dO yOU tRUst mE?
MAY:
LIDINGTON: This is a bad idea
GOVE: I gAVe a LOveLY speECH abOUT yOU
MAY:
GOVE:
MAY: Fine
GOVE: hE Is BrEXiT mINiSTEr
STEPHEN: Oh God don't remind me
MAY: But David is good at the human thing!
GOVE: dO yOU tRUst mE?
MAY:
LIDINGTON: This is a bad idea
GOVE: I gAVe a LOveLY speECH abOUT yOU
MAY:
GOVE:
MAY: Fine
LIDINGTON: She'll be in there alone with actual humans
GOVE: tRUsT mE
LIDINGTON: Her backup is the Brexit Minister, the Tory version of a Red Shirt
GOVE: wE dO thIS foR HeR. HaVe I EvER LiED tO YoU?
LIDINGTON:
GOVE: rEcENTLy
LIDINGTON:
GOVE: In ThE LaST weeK
LIDINGTON: Okay no
GOVE: tRUsT mE
LIDINGTON: Her backup is the Brexit Minister, the Tory version of a Red Shirt
GOVE: wE dO thIS foR HeR. HaVe I EvER LiED tO YoU?
LIDINGTON:
GOVE: rEcENTLy
LIDINGTON:
GOVE: In ThE LaST weeK
LIDINGTON: Okay no
MAY:
SOME GUY:
MAY:
STEPHEN <whispering>: read this
MAY: Thank you for coming. I value the role the Green Party
SOME GUY: Erm. I...
MAY: plays in British politics. Trees are... look stop squirming. What?
GOMA: I'm just here for the job interview in IT?
STEPHEN: Shit
MAY: OUT!
SOME GUY:
MAY:
STEPHEN <whispering>: read this
MAY: Thank you for coming. I value the role the Green Party
SOME GUY: Erm. I...
MAY: plays in British politics. Trees are... look stop squirming. What?
GOMA: I'm just here for the job interview in IT?
STEPHEN: Shit
MAY: OUT!
MAY: So you're the Green MP?
LUCAS: Yes
STEPHEN: Just reading your manifesto. It's actually quite good
LUCAS: Thanks
STEPHEN: I like...
MAY: STEPHEN!
STEPHEN: Sorry
LUCAS: Let's talk business. Which Red Lines will you change?
MAY: None
LUCAS:
MAY: I could MAYBE change the font?
LUCAS: Yes
STEPHEN: Just reading your manifesto. It's actually quite good
LUCAS: Thanks
STEPHEN: I like...
MAY: STEPHEN!
STEPHEN: Sorry
LUCAS: Let's talk business. Which Red Lines will you change?
MAY: None
LUCAS:
MAY: I could MAYBE change the font?
MAY: Thanks for coming in Vince
CABLE: Delighted to! After your speech in Parliament and your phone call, I knew that must mean you were ready to find a true compromise
MAY: ha ha ha ha!
CABLE: Ha ha!
MAY: Ha ha ha!
CABLE: Ha ha! Why are we laughing?
MAY: Wait. You were serious?
CABLE: Delighted to! After your speech in Parliament and your phone call, I knew that must mean you were ready to find a true compromise
MAY: ha ha ha ha!
CABLE: Ha ha!
MAY: Ha ha ha!
CABLE: Ha ha! Why are we laughing?
MAY: Wait. You were serious?
LIDINGTON: Why let her do these meetings? She won't compromise
GOVE: iT's nOT ABoUT tHE oPPOsITion. ThAT's tHEAtre
LIDINGTON: Obviously
GOVE: iF wE aRE luckY sHE cAn bRIbe tHE DuP or sCAre tHE ErG
LIDINGTON: You think the Charge of the Shite Brigade will save us?
GOVE: pERhaPs
GOVE: iT's nOT ABoUT tHE oPPOsITion. ThAT's tHEAtre
LIDINGTON: Obviously
GOVE: iF wE aRE luckY sHE cAn bRIbe tHE DuP or sCAre tHE ErG
LIDINGTON: You think the Charge of the Shite Brigade will save us?
GOVE: pERhaPs
LIDINGTON: Where are we going, anyway?
GOVE: <death rattle>
LIDINGTON: Fuck! Your filter's off again!
GOVE: I sAID dO yOU rEALly TrUST mE dAVid?
LIDINGTON: Okay somehow that now sounds even creepier. Stop asking that.
GOVE: we'RE gOIng tO mEEt wITh LaBOur
LIDINGTON: We're what?!
GOVE: <death rattle>
LIDINGTON: Fuck! Your filter's off again!
GOVE: I sAID dO yOU rEALly TrUST mE dAVid?
LIDINGTON: Okay somehow that now sounds even creepier. Stop asking that.
GOVE: we'RE gOIng tO mEEt wITh LaBOur
LIDINGTON: We're what?!
MAY: Ian
BLACKFORD: Hello Theresa. Been a rough few days! How are you feeling?
MAY:
BLACKFORD:
MAY <whisper>: This is one of the human questions David normally answers!
STEPHEN <whisper>: Oh right sorry. Say 'I'm fine'
MAY: I'm fine
BLACKFORD: You know I can hear you both, right?
BLACKFORD: Hello Theresa. Been a rough few days! How are you feeling?
MAY:
BLACKFORD:
MAY <whisper>: This is one of the human questions David normally answers!
STEPHEN <whisper>: Oh right sorry. Say 'I'm fine'
MAY: I'm fine
BLACKFORD: You know I can hear you both, right?
LIDINGTON: We can't meet with Corbyn!
GOVE: We'RE nOT mEEtING jeZ
LIDINGTON: I don't get it
GOVE: wE HaVE an iMPaSSE. mAY CANnOT sHIfT hER reD LiNEs. sO ParLIAmEnT mUSt dO It
LIDINGTON: She'll kill us!
GOVE: We DO thIS To HElp hER. dO yoU TrUST mE?
LIDINGTON: Stop asking that!
GOVE: We'RE nOT mEEtING jeZ
LIDINGTON: I don't get it
GOVE: wE HaVE an iMPaSSE. mAY CANnOT sHIfT hER reD LiNEs. sO ParLIAmEnT mUSt dO It
LIDINGTON: She'll kill us!
GOVE: We DO thIS To HElp hER. dO yoU TrUST mE?
LIDINGTON: Stop asking that!
LIDINGTON: We can't use Parliament to end-run the PM
GOVE: No DEaL caNNot HappEN. LeT'S tALK to CoOPER anD BeNN
LIDINGTON: she'll NEVER forgive us
GOVE: We dO it FoR hER. ThIS iS ThE RiGHT ThiNG
LIDINGTON: I don't believe you
GOVE: WhY NoT aSK pHIL? hE HATeS me
LIDINGTON: I will!
GOVE: No DEaL caNNot HappEN. LeT'S tALK to CoOPER anD BeNN
LIDINGTON: she'll NEVER forgive us
GOVE: We dO it FoR hER. ThIS iS ThE RiGHT ThiNG
LIDINGTON: I don't believe you
GOVE: WhY NoT aSK pHIL? hE HATeS me
LIDINGTON: I will!
LIDINGTON <phone>: Phil, Michael says we should push to get no-deal off the table
HAMMOND <crunch>: Economically we're fucked if we don't
LIDINGTON: But go behind Theresa's back? Tell me honestly: Can we trust Michael?
HAMMOND: <crunch>
LIDINGTON: Phil?
HAMMOND <crunch>: Yes
HAMMOND <crunch>: Economically we're fucked if we don't
LIDINGTON: But go behind Theresa's back? Tell me honestly: Can we trust Michael?
HAMMOND: <crunch>
LIDINGTON: Phil?
HAMMOND <crunch>: Yes
LIDINGTON: I'm in. Let's speak to Yvette and Hilary
GOVE: wE do IT for THErEsa DavID
LIDINGTON: Yes
GOVE: yOU gO AhEAD. I nEed tO TaKE thIS
HAMMOND <phone>: It's done, you snake. Where's the Chorizo Corn?!
GOVE: mY dESk. SeCOnd DrAW
<click>
GOVE: All FoR hER
<banshee scream>
GOVE: wE do IT for THErEsa DavID
LIDINGTON: Yes
GOVE: yOU gO AhEAD. I nEed tO TaKE thIS
HAMMOND <phone>: It's done, you snake. Where's the Chorizo Corn?!
GOVE: mY dESk. SeCOnd DrAW
<click>
GOVE: All FoR hER
<banshee scream>
DON'T FORGET! This isn't the first Brexit Adventure. They started here: …
Also, IT IS FRIDAY! YAY! So if you enjoy these then if you want you can buy me a beer (but you don't have to. That's also fine. Retweets are cool too) ko-fi.com/garius
Also, IT IS FRIDAY! YAY! So if you enjoy these then if you want you can buy me a beer (but you don't have to. That's also fine. Retweets are cool too) ko-fi.com/garius
ADDENDUM: Oh, and don't forget, you can find my more SERIOUS writing on Brexit and the myth of Dunkirk (as well as all my history bits) on @medium medium.com/@garius/why-br…
