Thread by @NerdPyle

Let's watch Con Air (1997) together! #NedConAirLT

I haven't seen this one since the theater, so it's pretty much new to me. Big ensemble cast of character actors. Jerry Bruckheimer. So it's gonna be splosions

Cage returns from Desert Storm with a terrible unknown southernish accent

Looks like the local yokels don't like the Army. Fightin dirty in the mud for.... no reason I can tell.

Oh damn Cameron killed the guy in self defense and even though he is a war hero with tons of witnesses fighting scum, he's going to prison.

lol a real Louisiana judge would have not only thrown this case out he would have bought Poe a round. But apparently he is a deadly weapin not subject to normal laws. I don't like this foreshadowing one bit

"Dearest Tricia, I am writing this letter in the accent of Yosemite Sam if he fought at Gettysburg and I'm handing out treats to show everyone I'm still decent while I grow my hair"

Holy damn this accent is for real making me mad.

Now he learned origami

He's coming home. So I guess this movie ends in the next few minutes, shit I paid $3.99 to rent this

Hey his cellmate is Bubba Gump!

Nicholas Cage is the most subtle and understated actor of his generation.

Cusack! It's the 90s so his suit is 4 sizes too big.

Looks like they're going to use a plane from the 1950s to hold all the most dangerous convicts in the country, makes sense.

Hmm, some kinda undercover thing here going on with DEA and a dickhead suit. I wonder if he will get a comeuppance.

Ving Rhames! He shot up the NRA in a huge fit of irony. Cusack is being kiiiinnndddaaa racist if I'm honest

lol how did they get Malkovich to make this movie. He has a goatee which in the 90s meant he's a straight up serial killer, I am serious you guys, facial hair back then was mustache or gtfo

HOLY SHIT IT'S DAVE CHAPPELLE

The world's unluckiest man Poe is now on this super duper max security plane just because it was going his way, that seems very normal and likely, I guess there are no other places.

Chappelle is cracking wise, we didn't know he was going to be huge i

Correction, Bubba Gump is the unluckiest.

The head guard is a dick, so you're not gonna be too mad when he gets it.

Hey Danny Trejo! Who's not in this movie?

The dialogue in this is craaazy unlikely. Cusack does a little more foreshadowing which is weird, this should be a quick and easy flight

All my infosec followers: how many of you have ever picked handcuffs with a stick pin? I am interested to learn this extremely common movie trope.

Oh damn it's going down. Everyone is follwing a breakout scheme that they all had to put together in their individual solitary confinements in some supermax, as one does.

Oh shit Chappelle lit a guy on fire then let everyone out. And bubba gump's insulin is the first victim

Malkovich has the only pistol! And malevolent lighting!

The ground control folks think everything is fine, even tho the pilot tripped a panic button. These are the same guys they use as german guards in ww2 movies I guess

"Did you hear that?"
"It was nothing, just the wind!"

Cameron is still a good guy.

DEA guy jumped the gun. Get it?

I guess Malkovich the Virus is working a plan is to land, trick the US marshals into thinking nothing has happened, and walk off as low-risk other prisoners.

It's just crazy enough to get greenlighted for a script.

There's a sand storm in Carson City. That's convenient.

"We got a little mind changer" sums up the writing of this movie

I must have been confused, I guess staying on the plane is good - I guess they are going to fly to freedom. It's hard to type and follow this plot.

Poe is doing what's right like he always does, but at what cost???????

Ah they picked up some new baddies - what a very simple and easily run plan. So now they have more bad guys dumped off some nobodies, all to go create a super evil army in Columbia.

This is Con Uber

The least believable part of this movie was a government prisoner transfer didn't involve a huge amount of paperwork.

Steve Buscemi!

"He makes the manson family look like the partridge family" is a line in this movie.

Cusack just figured out everything has gone bad because of the endless clues left behind designed to be caught

lol, so they figure out the guards aren't guards and call out over the radio. One fo the G-Men gets this news and says "Christ" but in the tone of "my wife just told me to stop and pick up toilet paper on the way home"

Damn they were so close but it looks like this movie has another hour left on it

"flying fuck get it?"

The only way they can track this plane is the trasnsponder, not radar, I guess. Dave Chapelle put it into another plane then got left behind to become a huge comic success.

A lot of finger pointing now, these gov guys see a bad mid year review headed their way

Danny Trejo kills Steve Buscemi in Desperado, did you ever see that movie? And Steve Buscemi was in Pulp Fiction, do you remember where? Ving Rhames was in that, but they don't meet.

I wonder if they all had the same agent. Those were both really good 90s movies

Well the feds are on to them, and now they're all on the radio. But then cusack throws away the radio, a classic hostage negotiation technique

Nic Cage is now the movie reviewer:

"they somehow managed to get every creep and freak in the universe onto this one plane. And then somehow managed to let them take it over. And then somehow managed to stick us right smack in the middle. "

Cusack thinks Poe is the key to fixing all of this, rather than just having the Air National Guard put two F-16s off each wing of this plane.

Ah now they are sending some Cobra attack helicopters to chase down this plane that has an hour's lead and flies about twice their speed. Sensible.

Oops chappelle didnt make it after all, now Poe made him into air mail special delivery! See I can write dialogue just as well as these clowns.

As I wrote that, Buscemi talks crazy and Gump says "What's wrong with him?" To which Poe replies: "My first thought would be... a lot."

Can you imagine having Steve Buscemi be your regular customer? Like you're a Barista and he comes in every day for a latte and makes Steve Buscemi voiced small talk?

Cusack is explaining to the Very Blonde Wife and Little Girl ® that things have gone badly and he needs her help for some reason.

Cops just found Chappelle. "I don't think he's an astronaut!"

Seriously you guys are all assholes for making me listen to this

Lol Cusack is gonna fuck up that Stingray aint that a bitch, Chief O'brien

Oh snap, Nic Cage is mad

I told you to use radar, not the transponder, now you just embarrased yourself in front of the Cobra pilots, dummy

Steve Buscemi's monologue about white collar work is personally hurtful to me

Cusack just drove like 50 miles at 100 MPH in a convertible and doesn't have a hair out of place. But he's too late to save Phil the ATC. Poor phil.

lol dude just jumped out of a taxing cesna

Do not focus on this movie's sound track, I am warning you

"I hope he likes sand"

The write of this movie wrote that line then did a gigantic line of cocaine and screamed "I AM A GOLDEN GOD" because it was teh 90s that's why

Cyrus talks like the dudes who reply to tweets with a thesaurus in the next browser tab

These Cobras have unlimited range

NIc Cage cleans house on the pickup team! Cusack arrives just in time to not be useful at all. Now it's them against the world.

Cusack is appealing to his softer side.

"she's mah huminburd"

They are towing an 25-ton Fairchild C-123 Provider out of a dirt berm with ropes and that's the most realistic thing I've seen here today.

Cusack's stuntman really takes a beating in this movie

So much fuel pouring out of the getaway plane

"Cy"
"Anara"

😅

I paused it for a sec to get a drink and this random frame sums up the entire movie right here y'all

No wait, this frame

"im not gonna kill you old timer. Listen I need a syringe"

At some point most of the convicts lost their shirts and gained abs

Cyrus just set up a sand table to properly plan a set-piece ambush this guy is really detail oriented

Can Nic cage break up this oncoming disaster? no he's busy finding syringes.

Cusack calls his HQ instead of yelling "ambush left" because he's a useless wang.

Seriously these two just let a platoon get zapped while they fucked around

I am physically angry at this movie's plot

I told you that stingray would get fucked up I am the king of foreshadowing

KARMA ASSHOLE

lol AZZ KIKR

Seems like the bad guys may have won after all, they are airborne. And Malkovich now smells a rat.

After all these years on twitter I finally get this meme

Huzzah, Airborne Cav are here to save the day! Except the Cobra gunners are now totally untrained federal agents

Bubba Gump aint gonna make it

Mykelti Williamson has made a career of dying in people's arms

The pilot in this movie should play Lemmy from Motorhead in the docudrama.

Poe has the conn. Get it?!

Comin' in hot

Oh wow he landed on Fremont?

And another corvette gets it. It's fine, you corvette drivers are wangs.

Director could not resist having the plane make a slot machine pay out smdh

Oh Mykelti isn't dead?!

And neither is Cyrus!

"Nex time take the bus" ahahaha so many dead people but levity

Time for a subtle getaway in a stolen fire truck crashing into everything in sight.

Vhing Rhames? More like Ving RAMMED!

But seriously tho, he died from Nic's exploding police motorcycle

Well how many people can say they died from being handcuffed to a run away hook and ladder truck that crashes through a pedestrian skyway tossing you into high tension power lines then exploding when hitting an armored truck

OMG CYRUS WAS STILL ALIVE THEN HE LANDED ON A CONVEYER BELT THAT TOOK HIM UNDER A HUGE MALLET THAT SMASHED HIS HEAD THAT IS SO CYRUS

Bunny saved from sewer

Cusack and Chief O'brien make up for absolutely no reason.

Family united!

Cage basically has a slight cut above his eye even though he should be raw hambuger.

🎵 HOW DO I LIIIIIIVE WITHOUT YOOOOUUUUUUU??!?!? 🎵

Oh haha the serial killer got away and is playing craps that's fine

And roll 90s credits where all the actors are smiling even when they were murderers

And that was Con Air (1997). Directed by Simon West, who went on to make timeless classivs like this doozy.

Seriously tho this was so bad it was good but also really bad but I guess good. I will probably need to wait another 22 years to get a good average.

Thanks and see you next week for another live tweet, maybe hopefully something less batshat