, 72 tweets, 8 min read Read on Twitter
My Fellow Russians, Thank me very much. Lets give a hand to the hot piece of ass I am married to. Please be my friends, even Democrat Party losers.

#SOTU #StateOfTheUnion #SOTU19 #MAGA #Trump
I will be claiming my Agenda is the Agenda of the American people. We will be looking to put My Interests first
Victory is not winning for our Country. Victory is winning for me and I hope I am winning in the ratings tonight. Better than the Batchelor, believe me!
25 Years ago, on this day, D-day on Junely 61st, the Hindeburg was defeated on the shores of Mar-a-Lago so I am proud to invite all the women that accused Clinto of raping them.
I am proud to announce that I have got our tremendous Astronauts to the moon. Buzz Lightyear is with us today, newly back from our Grate Moon where he began the construction of Trump Moonbase and Casino.
We can make our culture deeper, our middle class richer and our population Whiter than ever before.
We must reject the politics of Revenge and agree to build a wall or I will make sure every Democrat pays dearly
We must choose between progress or gridlock, my way or the highway, Walls or total destruction by scary brown Caravans
I have boomed the economy, a tremendous boom, the boomest boom in the history of booms, folks. Even Bigger than the Big Bang Boom that Created our Grate Countrtry.
5 million Americans have been kicked off food stamps, very tremendously. The Economy is finally doing grate after 400 years of failing.
I will kindly ask that our Grate VP Mike Pence wait until my tremendous and very strong speech is over before kneeling.
More dead people are working now than ever before. We double the working classes taxes and eliminated their deductions. We have ended the Death Tax for small businesses like Apple and MIcrosoft
We eliminated Healthcare for millions of Americans and very importantly, we passed no replacement.
I have cut more protective regulations for Americans more than any President or evil cartoon bad guy in history
I have the biggest hands in the world, by far, and I have the most tremendously full hair in history
American is great and the only thing that can stop it is investigations into my crimes. I am calling for an end to all investigations into me in the spirit of Partisanship.
Can someone get our new Acting Attorney General a sponge, he is making the carpet wet with a tremendous amount of sweat
Both parties have done many many things together. Now 300 nominees are stuck in the Senate because some Senators <cough cough DEMOCRATS cough cough> are obstructing.
We have reformed the Prison system just in time for my family, who I barely know and never met, to go to jail
America is a Nation that believes in Redemption so I really strongly hope Mueller won't take my many many successful hotels
Now both parties need to come together and give me my wall so my dumb supporters don't realize I lied to them
We have just heard that 10 billion brown people are now arming themselves to invade our Grate Southern Boarder so I have called up 3000 more soldiers to lock arms and create a human chain to prevent this terrible onslaught.
I want people to come I to our country in the largest numbers ever, but they have to be White and Christian.
Tonight I am begging Nancy Pelosi to stop making me look like a bitch.
Walls work, folks.
One in Three Women that are around me are sexually assaulted.
The Savage Gang MSNBC-13 have captured over 21 cities in this country, forcing countless Americans to take Fentynal and get horrific neck tattoos.
I have brought many people to use as tremendous political props.
In the last 2 years, our Brave ICE officers have made 130,904,927,010 arrests of very dangerous Brown people. Tonight we have with us a very tremendous and brave officer Vanilla ICE to also use as a very nice political prop
I have sent a Common Sense offer to Congress detailing a very nice and beautiful Concrete Steel Slat Wall Barrier Fence.
This is a very smart, see through, invisible, steel slat wall barrier fence made of concrete.
San Diego had the most illegal crossing in the Countrtry until the built a wall. Now no one ever crosses into San Diego ever. Walls work and walls make me look very good and strong.
So lets compromise and make a deal that gives me everything I am demanding with nothing in return.
Walls create Jobs. Jobs Jobs Jobs. Walls will also give us tremendous healthcare
We have more women in the workforce than every before and some, I supposed are 10s.
100 years after the Constushun gave the women the right to vote, we have more women in Congress than every before. Sadly, most are loser Democrats.
Thanks to my tremendous trade deals that I wrote all by myself, China has surrendered to US and will become our new 51st State
My tariffs have added billions and billions of American's money to our coffers.
Another catastrophe was something called NAFTA. It destroyed lives and killed people. I changed the name and now it is so much better, yes it is, so much better.
I want more cars to be stamped with our 4....1,2,3....yeas 4 Grate words "Made in the United States of America"
We will put the exact same tariffs on other countries that they put on us. I call it the "I know you are but what am I" Act.
I am proud to announce that next week will be "Infrastructure Week, this time we mean it", believe me.
Thanks to me, the price of Adderall has experienced it's best sales year in history
We will make Healthcare and drugs very very cheap, very quickly and very easily in the next two weeks.
No force has done more to advance the Human condition than America Freedom. I don't know what that means but it sounnds very nice.
We will be making the commitment to eliminate the HPV...or maybe it was HIV. No, HBO- we will be defeat HBO in America in 10 years.
I will be asking you all to get behind me in the fight against something that no one would dare disagree with me on- Childhood Cancer. These kids are tremedously cute and Democrats HAVE to agree with me. I am very smart.
Ivanka made me talk about something called Family Leave. She tells me it will get disgusting breast feeding women away from me and in the home where they belong. I will be taking Family Leave with my newly adopted father. Vladimir Putin
People in New York Cheered when it was announced that babies were being taken from the mothers womb in the 9th month. They should be left in for the full 25 months it takes to make a baby
All children, born and unborn, are made in the image of White God and White Jesus.
I will be creating a military for the United States because we never had one before. I am making NATO give me more money and doing Putin's bidding.
They said it couldn't be done, but we have invented a thing we called planes. THese grate machines fly very fast and very far in the air, something that has never been done before.
Putin has asked me to withdraw from the very bad missile treaty and I will be listening.
We will outspend and out innovate loser countries by creating very nice and very cool machines of death
If I was not elected, we would be in a very grate and very bad war where everyone would be dead. I saved all of your lives, folks. I did.
Socialism BAD! Freedom GOOD!
Pence is very excited we recognized Jerusalem as the capital of Israel because he wants to be tremendously raptured folks. He's very excited to get away from the temptations of sweaty men.
We will be retreating from Syria because I personally destroyed ISIS and also Putin asked me very nicely
I have also told the Taliban we will be retreating from Afghanistan and they are very happy.
War is very bad, it's time for peace. Iran is very bad and must be destroyed folks. My intelligence agencies say they are not building nukesm but my very smart and very nice gut tells me they are wrong.
We will always remember the 17 valiant heroes that the Generals lost on the USS Cole.
Iran is very radical, they do very radical and bad bad things like skateboarding and many other things, folks.
To all my Very Fine People, close your ears or turn the channel because Ivanka is making me say very nice things about Jewish Americans.
That's my Jewish American right over there.
Please do not sing Happy Birthday unless it is to me and you brought very nice presents.
75 years ago, I liberated the Very bad Nazi Concentration camps.
Many people are saying D Day stood for Donald Day. I don't know, many people are saying it. Must be true, folks, must be true.
When the soldiers crossed the English channel, they were going to the greatest battle in the history of way. They were wondering if they would come home and wondering why they didn't pay a doctor to say they had bone spurs.
Americans do the impossible, conquer the unknown, this is the time to climb the highest summit, NO COLLUSION!
One Nation, under god must be the hope and the promise and stop investigating people for conspiring with Russia.
Thank you and may God and Putin bless you all.
There will be thousands of Hamberders and Juiceboxes served in the lobby.
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