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many apologies - i know a lot of you are waiting for an update on the bee situation. twitter app kept crashing on phone! anyway here's what happened
about twenty past 6 yesterday just before we closed we had a gruff-voiced phone call. "i think you have something of mine. i'll be round for it shortly." i was happy to wait, so sat downstairs in the poetry section watching the febrile insects clamber over one another in the jar
the hour grew late. i realised i was dozing off, but was sure the return of the bee gent would wake me up, so I slid my coat under my head and fell immediately into a deep and dreamless sleep
when I woke up I realised to my surprise that i was not alone in the poetry section. there was a familiar figure browsing in the Ds; seeing me awake, he sat down in the chair opposite mine and extended an enormous ursine hand. "thank you for taking care of my bees", he said
"hang on", i said, the penny beginning to drop. "i've seen you before! i know who you are! you're -"
he smiled widely. "burt waxman, at your service"
my heart pounding, i clasped his hand and shook it. burt waxman himself was in the shop - the man who'd invented bees.
he smiled widely. "burt waxman, at your service"
my heart pounding, i clasped his hand and shook it. burt waxman himself was in the shop - the man who'd invented bees.
"i'm a huge fan of your work, mr waxman" i said. "bees are fantastic. what an incredible invention. i'm sorry, you must get that a lot."
"think nothing of it - and i'm glad you like them"
"are you working on anything at the minute?" i plucked up the courage to ask
"think nothing of it - and i'm glad you like them"
"are you working on anything at the minute?" i plucked up the courage to ask
"take a look", he said, gesturing at the jar. "i call them.... bees 2.0"
"charlie *said* they were too big to be regular bees!", i cried, astonished at my colleague's entomological knowhow
"charlie *said* they were too big to be regular bees!", i cried, astonished at my colleague's entomological knowhow
"i thought it was time to make a few changes to the standard model", said burt waxman. "the bees you know and love take nectar and produce honey. these specimens.... are quite different"
i gazed at the jar with renewed attention.
i gazed at the jar with renewed attention.
"these bees feed on retweets, and produce coffee. i was the one who sent the original bee tweet from your account, while you were distracted by the new geoffrey hill book. then i laid my bee jar on the table downstairs and waited for my bees to get strong"
he pushed over an espresso cup. "this is the first cup of bee coffee in the world; I think it should fall to you to taste it. will you do the honours?"
"gladly, mr waxman". it was only a small amount of coffee, scarcely enough to cover the dimple in the bottom of the cup
"gladly, mr waxman". it was only a small amount of coffee, scarcely enough to cover the dimple in the bottom of the cup
"oh you might want to run it through the microwave. i can't get it to come out hot without it scorching their glands, poor things." i took waxman's advice and gave it 45 seconds on medium high. the microwave pinged
i sipped the coffee tentatively. it was distinctly average. if i had to compare it to something i'd compare it to the last few sips of a pret filter coffee warmed up in the microwave. waxman, i think, detected my enthusiasm, or lack of it. "how is it?" he asked impatiently
"mr waxman, i think i prefer the old bees" i said bravely.
"well do you now", said the stormy genius, scribbling a cryptic memorandum in his notepad. "in any case, you've been a faithful guardian - here is a small reward. i think you'll find it a little more to your...taste"
"well do you now", said the stormy genius, scribbling a cryptic memorandum in his notepad. "in any case, you've been a faithful guardian - here is a small reward. i think you'll find it a little more to your...taste"
he pushed over a small envelope, then leaned over the table and reclaimed his jar. with a single twist of his massive hand he removed the lid. the bees rose in a column - he fixed them with a stare and they remained hovering in front of him.
then he whispered a word - or perhaps it was merely the breeze, brushing through the poetry section. as he turned and headed upstairs, the bees followed, bobbing behind him. i might have imagined it but in their buzz i believe i detected a palpable note of adoration
he let himself out as silently as he'd let himself in. it was six in the morning and i was alone in the shop, with just the empty jar and the mysterious small envelope to prove to myself i had not simply awoken from a vivid dream. i turned the envelope over in my palm
when i opened it, it contained a small denomination book token. so i bought the new geoffrey hill book and read it on the downstairs sofa, and i encourage all of you to do the same. londonreviewbookshop.co.uk/on-our-shelves…
