Behavior is what someone is doing, intention is why they're doing it.
You judge yourself based on your intention, and everyone else based on their behavior.
Almost all disagreements within an otherwise aligned team come from a misunderstanding about intention.
To minimize: when doing anything as part of a team, you should always specific *why* you're doing something instead of just what.
What: adding index to events table
Why: to speed up the homepage
It's important to clarify the goal - and make sure you agree on the goal - before providing feedback.
If someone else is late, you may judge them based on their lateness instead of their intention to be on time.
That's a double standard!
In politics most notably, someone may judge their own party based on its intention while judging the opposing party based on their behavior.
Ask them their intention — if it's in the right place, work with them to get their behavior to match.
If it's not aligned, a change in behavior is unsustainable.
Behavior versus intention!