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John Bull
@garius
, 10 tweets, 3 min read Read on Twitter
MOSES: People of Israel! I have returned!
BORIS THE PRIEST: Oh hey Moses
MOSES: I bring a set of laws which will...
BORIS: Actually we're alright now thanks
MOSES: Sorry, what?
BORIS: We're good. We made ourselves a Golden Calf
MOSES: But...
BORIS: Bullexit means Bullexit, Moses
MOSES: I'm confused. A lot of effort went into these laws.
BORIS: Foreign though aren't they?
MOSES: A lot are based on our own pre-Achaemenid...
BORIS: Woah, steady there Moses
MOSES: What?
BORIS: Getting a bit experty
MOSES: And that's bad?
BORIS: People are tired of experts
MOSES: Can I at least go tell the people about these laws?
BORIS: Well you can, but they're pretty happy with the Golden Calf now.
MOSES: Why?!
BORIS: Well it allows us to pick and choose from those laws
MOSES: How? You just made it up!
BORIS: Easy Moses, no need to scare people
MOSES: Okay fine. Which of these laws don't you like then?
BORIS: Well... I mean, that one's a bit much.
MOSES: 'Do not commit adultery'. That's a pretty standard one
BORIS: Is it? I can't see it going down well with... um... the people
MOSES: 'the people'?
BORIS: the people
BORIS: Then there's the whole freedom of movement thing
MOSES: The 'Parting of the Red Sea'?
BORIS: Yeah that. I mean, it was good for US, but we've been thinking
MOSES: Yes?
BORIS: Should it REALLY part for anyone else? You'd get all sorts. With Bullexit, we can stop that.
BORIS: Worshipping the Golden Calf also opens up the opportunity to trade with Pharoah.
MOSES: Pharoah?!
BORIS: He's actually a nice guy when you get to know him. Bigly.
MOSES: I did. He isn't. LITERALLY enslaved us.
BORIS: Was it really that bad though?
MOSES: Sorry, what?!
BORIS: Say what you like about Pharoah but he has a huge economy
MOSES: Based on the destruction of workers rights.
BORIS: Pff 'Workers rights'. We all have to make some sacrifices to compete.
MOSES: 'We'? You're a priest.
BORIS: Golden Calf will open up our trade to the world.
MOSES: But how on earth are you going to deliver all of this?!
BORIS: Me? This is about the Golden Calf.
MOSES: But YOU made the Golden Calf. YOU'RE responsible.
BORIS: Have faith and it will provide.
MOSES: What if it doesn't work?
BORIS:
MOSES:
BORIS: Bullexit means Bullexit
MOSES: Fuck it. Enjoy your Golden Calf.
BORIS: Hey, where you going?
MOSES: What? You're the high priest now.
BORIS: Not me! I just created the Golden Calf. Not my job to make it all come true.
MOSES:
BORIS: Don't worry. I'll be quick to pipe up if I think you're doing it wrong.
If you like this kind of thing, you may enjoy my Brexit Tapes which will be available in book form here: unbound.com/books/the-brex…

And you can read them on Twitter starting here:
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More from @garius see all

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John Bull
@garius
<In the Cabinet>

HAMMOND: Those opposed to your deal have broken our unity in House. On our own benches, our opponents have taken Grieve and are pushing Letwin.
There's resistance on the opposition benches between SNP and Labour and elsewhere remainism is entrenched in TIG too.
MAY: Everything will be fine after Meaningful Vote 3.
HAMMOND: My Prime Minister... Bercow...
LIDINGTON: Bercow has blocked another vote. Without significant changes. it will not occur.
MAY: These people will stay: Gove, Hammond, Lidington and Rudd.

<The Cabinet leaves the room>
MAY: That was an order! Meaningful Vote 3 was an order! Who the HELL do you all think you are, that you dare to resist my orders?
MAY: Is this what it has come to?! Parliament has lied to me! Everyone has lied to me, even my own MPs!
Read 13 tweets
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John Bull
@garius
This whole fucking process is going to end with us trying, and failing, to fax an Article 50 revocation to the EU on Friday, isn't it?

And it'll be because Chris Grayling dialled the number wrong.
I was going to write this as a Brexit Tape.

But I am GENUINELY scared that would make it happen now.
MAY: You're SURE it's gone?
GRAYLING: Definitely
MAY: You know 100% that the Article 50 revocation fax was sent?
GRAYLING: Oh yes
MAY: Phew because it's 00:01
GRAYLING: I did it personally
MAY: Wait... what?!

<in Brussels>

JUNKER: What is this?
BARNIER: A picture of an envelope
Read 5 tweets
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John Bull
@garius
<Parliament. Saturday morning>

JULIAN SMITH: So. Who has Castle Mayskull sent me this morning... a princess, a geek, a basketcase a rebel and... a Grayling
MCVEY: Hey
WILLIAMSON: What?
RUDD:
HAMMOND: Fuck you Julian
GRAYLING: Hello!

SMITH: Welcome all of you, to the Brexit Club
SMITH: Now I don't know why Theresa sent you to detention and I don't care. You are mine for five hours. In that time, you will NOT talk to each other...
HAMMOND: This is absurd.
SMITH: Got something to say to me, Hammond?
HAMMOND: No.
SMITH:
HAMMOND: Sir.
SMITH: Today, you will each write an essay. It will be called 'What I think Brexit is'
WILLIAMSON: If I finish early sir can I go?
RUDD: Lol
MCVEY: God Gavin, you are such a geek.
WILLIAMSON: What? It's a fair question.
SMITH: No Williamson. You cannot.
Read 36 tweets

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Poll Man
@PollManFEC
@POTUS @StateDept @EricTrump @DonaldJTrumpJr WTH is wrong with you people does #Israel have that much of a stranglehold on you that you cannot extricate the US from the wars they created? Enough already! #IsraelDid911
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Scott Lincicome
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Out today! My new, chart-rich paper on trade, globalization & US public opinion:
cato.org/publications/f…
So now a thread on why I wrote this paper - the data for which were surprisingly difficult to gather (thanks, @pewresearch, @Gallup, @ChicagoCouncil, etc for the help!) - and what it reveals /2
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Sonia Mota
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1/21 From the very beginning #Israel planned to usurp #Palestine
#OsloPeace didn't manage to dismantle a single Settlement,to the contrary, #Israel started taking more #Palestinian Land
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Thomas Binder
@Thomas_Binder
After 70 years of imperial/neoliberal indoctrination the web of lies is so obviously absurde (9/11, Skripal, WH = ISIS, etc.), that it is dissoluting. The empathetic humanity connects, closes ranks and sends their eternal psychopathic rulers and their lackeys into nowhere land.
The "evil empire" is a lifelong three year old child. I certainly loved my children at that age too, however only because they created not only a surreal mess, but also made steady progress.

A great documentary about psychopathy and society:
The elite invented "democracy" to protect them from the empathetic people. The media are their means for misleading the people sedated by "democracy". This is definitely a bad thing since the people have become educated and the elite almost totally insane.
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Blair Braverman
@BlairBraverman
So! As you know, the pups and I recently flew to Kotzebue, Alaska, to enter the @Kobuk440 race. It was gonna be the longest race of my life--but if we finished, I'd be eligible to enter the Iditarod, which is my longtime dream.
When we landed in Kotzebue, a volunteer delivered the team to our host family's house (oh hey @MKubalack!) and I got them set up in the backyard. I wanted them all to be fed, hydrated, and relaxed until the start of the race. They were excited but settled right in.
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Anand Ranganathan
@ARanganathan72
Doubtless, so far as diplomacy goes, NEVER has a past mistake been corrected SO completely by ANY govt, as has been by this one. #Israel
Israel is not a nation, it is a giant Science and Engineering lab. To visit Israel is to visit a lab.
India. A nation with rickety legs walking on a treadmill, constantly looking over its shoulder. WEAK and UNSURE. And going NOWHERE.

Sorry about this, @Israel. Perhaps we need some more time to learn how to treat our true friends. Bear with us, please.
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