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Did/Do I have more "worth" or "merit" than anyone else? I don't think so. But I was and am still defined by the fact that I went to Columbia & Brooklyn Tech b4 that: people take stock in that. That's why this #SHSAT convo is so impt for me. I have enormous pride & guilt in that.
I don't think I deserve more privileges or titles than anyone else. Sure, I worked damn hard as a kid, but that was my poverty mindset, that I would be a nobody and still poor working-class if I didn't get my family out of poverty. That was an intense mindset for a kid. #shsat
There was so much pressure to succeed. All my worth through college was based on how hard I worked. I thought my teachers & my parents & society wouldn't see me/love me if I didn't work damn hard. I was always competing. I calmed down somewhat but it wasn't healthy. #SHSAT
That mindset of working hard has its toll. I'd see classmates at Brooklyn Tech exhausted, walking around like robots. At Columbia, there was at least one death by suicide a year. So many Asian Americans in NYC bear that every day in this broken education system. #SHSAT
We're taught that this NYC education system doesn't have resources for everyone. We kids knew from neighborhood rumors which schools were "good" and which were "bad." We segregated ourselves accordingly. Left our neighborhoods cuz we thought education was everything. #SHSAT
And yet, what are we reaching for when we're looking for "the best"? What's the point of an "elite" education? The main benefits of Brooklyn Tech and Columbia for me were the connections I made. Is it possible to have those connections, expectations at all schools? #SHSAT
@ProfMChin and Syed Ali did a Stuyvesant study and found that much of the success of students was in peer effect- students expected more of themselves and succeeded based on their peers and vice versa. Your environment matters. Article at theatlantic.com/education/arch… #SHSAT
I was lucky, too, from a young age, to have teachers who believed in me. Teachers who work in Chinatowns always tell me it's so nice to work w/ poor Chinese kids who work hard. The positive stereotypes of Asian American students affected my progress in school, definitely. #SHSAT
So yeah, the environment mattered. My parents couldn't pay for test prep classes but they paid for the practice book. I practiced from it constantly. My middle school provided free test prep few weeks before #SHSAT to prep 10ish kids (including me) they thought would make it in.
I was in that free test prep Saturday class with some of my teachers because one or more of those teachers believed in me and wanted me to take the #SHSAT for a better future. And, more cynically, because higher admissions rates make the middle schools look better.
But I wasn't too worried whether or not I'd get into the schools through the #SHSAT, because I lived in District 2 and, with my 96 average in middle school I would've gone to Baruch or Eleanor Roosevelt or another school with good stats. Most NYC students don't have that buffer.
My parents moved to Chinatown not knowing they lived in one of the richest districts in NYC. Was funny reading bout my own ed in "The Death & Life of the Great American Schools System" @DianeRavitch, then in @ChalkbeatNY. #SHSAT mattered, but I was lucky. chalkbeat.org/posts/ny/2018/…
I had access to a great education, which led to a peer effect which affected my ed which opened more opportunities. I earned some of these things, and some of these things came cuz of luck based on where I lived. Did I deserve a great education any more than someone else? #SHSAT
And so, to loop back finally- does meritocracy exist? I think with all American dreams there's so much luck, timing, and circumstance involved. I had a poverty mindset, positive stereotypes, and the right district going for me alongside my (often unhealthy) work ethic. #SHSAT
Of course I worked hard. But dreams get blown up, deferred, moved up, changed, stopped cuz of luck, timing, circumstance. I didn't face neg stereotypes, I didn't face housing crises. I had a stable home all through childhood. I could just focus on my education. #SHSAT
People say to me, Annie, your immigrant parents worked hard and you worked hard and so you deserve everything you have. Sure. But I was also lucky. I can't say the same for many of the students in our NYC schools system. *Some* make it in NYC public schools, many don't. #SHSAT
What I want for the future of NYC public schools is for our kids to have a chance like I did. So, so many don't get a chance. #SHSAT is a TINY view of MUCH larger issues we have in this ed system. Have a long way to go to provide those opportunities to black & Latinx kids in NYC.
