Thread by @DrJRMarcelin

Just finished reading/listening to @WilliamUryGTY’s “The Power of a Positive No”. This book is fantastic and an easy read. I recommend for anyone who may encounter crucial conversations where you have to say no (but preserve the relationship). #DocsWhoRead 1/many

The book is written in three chapters, each taking a Yes/No/Yes approach to the difficult conversation. @WilliamUryGTY narrates the @audible_com version himself.

williamury.com/nowithconvicti…

He offers three steps to achieving the positive no. My big take-home:

1️⃣Uncover your deeper yes

✳️What is important to me? Why?
✳️What about that value is so much at my core that I’m not willing to compromise?
✳️How can I communicate that “yes” value to the other?

2️⃣Deliver a respectful no.

✳️How can I communicate no while still being respectful? ✳️Acknowledging the other’s need and point of view is helpful. Be direct & honest.
✳️Keep the focus on how this “no” supports my “yes”.
✳️Have a BATNA: best alternative to negotiated agreement

3️⃣Negotiate to a healthy yes.

✳️Focus on how the relationship can still be positive despite the no
✳️Always have a positive proposal to offer, recognizing the other’s values/needs while not compromising yours
✳️There May be renegotiations as u come to an agreement-don’t give up

*this BATNA is an important concept. I first heard about it from @JulieSilverMD when discussing negotiations. Hearing @WilliamUryGTY unlock it’s meaning in his book was 💡. It’s not what you think the other will accept; it’s what YOU are willing to live with to honor your yes.

*THE BALCONY!

Don’t allow your response to a crucial conversation to be reactive and negative or emotional. Go to ur balcony: Take some time to breathe, sleep on it, talk to advisors. Write your response then come back to it later.

After reading this book, I realized that I was employing some of these methods already without knowing they were a part of a greater strategy. Remarkably, WHILE reading, I had several of these difficult conversations and had a chance to see immediate positive results...

...without endangering relationships. I’ve also started employing these strategies with my children and find it easier to express my *many* no’s to them. Finally, I’ve started advising my mentees on how to approach their difficult situations and had positive feedback.

Read this book! It is worth the time. Here are some tips from his website. bit.ly/2KSCV2Z

*ps. I don’t know @WilliamUryGTY personally nor do I have any COI to disclose regarding his book. I just really enjoyed it and think negotiation skills are important!

/fin