Thread by @DrJoeAbah

Cha, cha, cha! Ebeano kwenu!
Cha, cha, cha! Ebeano kwenu!
Cha, cha, cha! Ebeano kwenuzuonu oooo!
Ezemmuo is here in the flesh. Welcome back to perhaps the longest-running thread on Tuwita. Ndi Ebeano ha nokwa here (are the people of Ebeano here)? Retweet to call others o.

Chei! Ndi Ebeano. It’s been long o. A lot has happened since our last gathering at the village skwiya. As the time was approaching to either select a new Igwe or ask the present Igwe to continue, Ezemmuo decided to retreat deep into the forest to avoid contamination.

However, he still came out occasionally whenever Ebeano was threatened with sacrilege. After all, it is our ancestors that say that you must scratch a mosquito bite, if for nothing else, to show that you care about your body. Ezemmuo fears no mosquito though. His blood is bitter.

Before we start, let me thank the attendants at Ezemmuo’s shrine, umummuo (children of the spirits):@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge & nwannem oma @julietkego, my guys @Omojuwa @zeal_a and many others allowed to slap Ezemmuo occasionally to keep him real.

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a Let me also thank all those that brought palmwine and kola to this gathering: @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId and @IamKingsleyOgar. Special thanks to @BashEya for sweeping the market skwiya this afternoon. You will always know a well-brought-up son of Ebeano. Daalu

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya While Ezemmuo was in the bush, he did not realize that his dear sister @yodifiji had lost her dad. Ndo nwannem (Sorry, my sister). Please forgive me. You can’t throw away your brother, especially when he’s an Ezemmuo now. Who will make merecin for you? May his soul Rest In Peace.

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji As others were bringing palm wine and kola for the gods, one yeye guy @zed_skills was asking Ezemmuo to turn water into wine and feed the multitude. Agwaram gi na mbu Jesu (Did I tell you that I am Jesus)? Biko let’s start our meeting jare. Ebeano kwenu! Let me see 20 RTs first.

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji The one who slaps Ezemmuo the hardest and asks him “Excuse me. What are you doing?” whenever he is about to misbehave is looking at him with corner eye right now. Ezemmuo doesn’t ever say her name but others call her @toyosilagos. Ok, so the time came to contest the Igwe-ship.

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos There were two families jostling to ascend the Igwe throne for the next four years. One family decided that the present Igwe will continue to represent them. There were no contestants. The other family had a lot of contestants. Then there were others that people called 3rd Force.

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos The family with a lot of contestants went to their family meeting in “Poracourt.” One contestant that wears a red cap had gathered a lot of people and filled several market skwiyas. His followers were all over Poracourt with their red caps. Chai! See a sea of red caps o.

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos Then the big boy whose name means “We have died” in the language of the western kindred came out & shared foreign cowries. Quick quick, everybody “offed” their red caps and wore their shirts that had the face of the red cap chief inside out. “If you no get money, hide your face!”

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos Chief “We have died” emerged the candidate. He went to bed the former Igwe, his Oga before the war. You know na. The one that writes letters. Quick quick the former Igwe dispatched a letter to the current Igwe. No Igwe has ever survived this former Igwe’s letter. Odikwa serious.

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos Haa! Did I say he went to bed him? Mba o. I meant to say he went to BEG him. My hand no dey o. Meanwhile, the current Igwe kept blaming the former Igwe even right up to election. Ndi Ebeano said: But we elected you so that you can buhari (turn around) Ebeano nau. Face front!”

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos Then ndi Ebeano said all the candidates must come for debate but they refused to face each other. In their own debate, the okpara eze (crown prince) was saying “why we are where we are.” You think it’s easy to say, okwa ya? Ngwu nu, say it quickly if you think you can do better.

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos The one that wanted to be the new crown prince was saying “When China returned to China. China went to China. China...China.” Then later, “India returned to China.” Anyway ndi felt that the aspiring Igwe “We have died” did better than the current Igwe “Turn around.”

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos Meanwhile, one Lolo in the northern kindred was caught on camera stuffing foreign cowries into his babariga. They even told him to jump up to collect it and he did! Na film trick? Igwe “Turn Around” said he didn’t know the technology they used. Even me, a whole Ezemmuo “confuse”.

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos That same Gancowrie Lolo now wants to depose the family head in his kindred. They say it’s because the family head called for free and fair elections. That family headship has been revered for more than 200 years o. Lolo Gancowrie is determined he must reduce his power though.

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos Anyway, I digress. Back to the election of a new Igwe. Ebeano yoot sharply aligned themselves behind the two old men contesting. They mercilessly abused all the 3rd Force people and anybody younger than 70 years. There is nobody that Ebeano yoot hate more than Ebeano yoot.

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos As elections approached, “We have died” had already won on Tuwita. It would be a walk over. Ezemmuo soon realised that many on Tuwita didn’t even have voters cards. Many people came out from behind their anonymous handles. Oh ooh. Very ugly people. That’s why they were anonymous.

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos The people in one western kindred now decided that when a god becomes too powerful, they will tell it from which tree it was carved. They said “Otoo ge!” It haf do! They kicked him out. A whole head of the Ebeano Assembly from the imperial family there o. Chai! Wahala dey o.

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos Before then, Igwe “Carry Around” (why have I been calling him “Turn Around” when he hasn’t turned Ebeano around?) decided to remove Onyeishi ndi ikpe (the head of the judges) for hiding some cowries under his mat. Is there palmie in this skwiya at all? Where’s my drinking horn?

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos Anyway, Ezemmuo decided to come out of the bush. He told Igwe “mba” (No)! You don’t have the power to remove him. Only Ohaneze does (Ebeano Assembly). He told the head of the judges “But you too, why didn’t you declare all your cowries nau? How can you forget foreign cowries?”

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos That was all that Ezemmuo said o. The yoot from both families now decided that Ezemmuo was the common enemy. The most polite name they called him that day was“fencist.” But Ezemmuo was seeing wrongs on all sides, after all you can’t cover advanced pregnancy with the hands.

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos Anyway, Igwe “Carry Around” was declared the winner. Many people from “We have died”’s family suddenly discovered that their data had finished. Many people were in sifia painz. They promised to henceforth be tweeting only about world peace and football, no more politics.

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos The supporters of Igwe “Carry Around” celebrated, but ndi Ebeano made it clear that they were not very happy with him. Ebeano had become the capital of poverty. There’s was no longer any fear of the poor one day eating the rich. The poor were now eating the poor.

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos Then the family of Chief “We have died” got a new lease of life when the Chief said he will contest the election. They started trending #AtikuIsComing. Ezemmuo is thinking “I hope he lets his wives come first, like every gentleman o.”😎 Ebeano kwenu! RT let me know you are here.

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos Meanwhile, ndi efulefu yoot (the lost ones) kept trying to bully Ezemmuo. Only a foolish child will be slapping a tipper full of sand thinking the tipper will get hurt. Mba nu (No nau)! No matter how much it gnaws at it, there is nothing a rat can do to a bag of rice. Okwa ya?

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos Ezemmuo that has been busy Baby Boying upandhan: from South Africa, to Kenya, to Morocco, to obodo oyibo, and even to Amelika. That market is not moving cannot stop us from trading nau. Ezemmuo told Igwe “Carry Around”: “Congratulations o, but you need to do better this time.”

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos Ndi umu efulefu now reverted to their usual song of “He’s looking for appointment.” Then appointment came from the incoming Lolo of Imo River. It was now the turn of the supporters of Igwe “Carry Around” to say: “We knew it! He supports the family of Chief “We have died.”

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos Anyway, their confusion is just starting. Meanwhile, ndi uwe ojii ( the people that were black cloth) have been harassing young Ebeano maidens calling them Ashawo. They didn’t arrest the men that were allegedly patronizing them o. Ezemmuo places a curse on all those involved.

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos Some were said to be using pure water sachets to have their wicked ways with the poor maidens. Let me tell them something: Ezemmuo says “It is that same canal from whence you came into the world that you will pass to return to your ancestors!” We won’t even send you to Nkalagu.

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos Let us not close today’s meeting without talking about the killings in many parts of Ebeano. Igwe must know that the gods are not happy. In one northern kindred called Zamfara where their Lolo’s name means “Tear Head” in the language of the western kindred, killings are rampant.

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos You know the Lolo I mean nau. The one that said Mekwe Makes Meningitis (MMM). Ezemmuo has seen a vision that the killings are all about gold. The villagers are sitting on gold deposits. People will come and kill them to scare them from their land, so that they can grab the gold.

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos Igwe must do something about this. He must also tackle the killings in the middle of Ebeano. People are being kidnapped left right and center. Police are harassing Ebeano yoot. Insecurity everywhere. Igwe must not be seen to be in office but not in power. It is too much nau!

@EzeasorIje @ziniex @Ehix07 @ijeoma_miriam @adukegeorge @julietkego @Omojuwa @zeal_a @oluwa_skeep @kenemodeye @buzuzu7 @omokhojieId @IamKingsleyOgar @BashEya @yodifiji @toyosilagos Ndi Ebeano, your Ezemmuo must now return to the bush from whence he came. Let me thank @wumifab for knitting me this lovely hat. Until we meet again at the market skwiya, Ezemmuo says “Receeeeeive my blessings, ndi Ebeano! “E go be!” Peace✌🏽.