Thread by @OurCofELike

Afternoon!
Busy working day, school run done.

I can settle down & try to process my life in Tweets!

(or you could watch the in-flight movie 'Airplane' if you prefer....?!)

1/

https://twitter.com/OurCofELike/status/1136174739398041600

My birth was normal, as was my development until things slowed down as a turned 1 yr old.....

Mostly ok, but showing no sign of crawling, toddling etc....

GP said "lazy"

Health Visitor said "lazy"

Parents unconvinced...

Same aged 18months...

& aged 2yrs...

2/

Eventually - after learn-ed pokes, prods, x-rays & assessments...

Drs: "Cerebral Palsy! Now take her home & love her....."

Parents: "um.......?"

Drs: ".....? Oh, sorry, yes - she'll never go to school / ride a bike / learn to swim / be normal.... So.... Good luck"

3/

Parents: "......... Really? We'll see"

They taught me to crawl aged 3
Toddle aged 4
Walk (ish!) aged 5
(looking like a drunk, but mostly without falling over too often...)

Normal primary school 1978 - 1984 (Newtown, Wales - differences were encompassed & embraced)

4/

I rode a horse from aged 5
I swam
I read every book in the house!
(Lord of the Rings aged 10)
I sang in choirs
I played recorders & clarinet
I spoke Welsh (badly) & English
I rode a bike without stabilisers aged 10
I fell over - lots
I had physio - lots
I saw Drs - lots

5/

My childhood, looking back, was a fine line between:

Push back against being written off by the message of "she'll never" to find out what "she can" looked like

&

An inherent pressure to become 'normal' (able bodied) & therefore tick the box of success (child & parents)

6/

I worked hard at physio sessions etc,

not just to be as fit as I could be in my own body,

but to strive for the unspoken goal of walking properly...

Belligerent
Determined
Tough
Stubborn

Knackered....

7/

Without the pushback factor,
I'd not be in a position to 'fit into'
able bodied society
able bodied Church
able bodied systems

But.... It left me with a legacy.

An able bodied mind set.

My body had CP, but really I was able bodied & trapped. I needed to not have CP...

8/

So I spent my teenage years trying so hard

to move normally,

avoid the word 'disabled',

to talk about CP as though it was some kind of affliction which needed to be beaten

to pray 'properly' so that God would remove my CP & I'd be a proper Christian....

9/

Motivation?

Not to be the best version of me I could be...

but to be the right version of the human being I had failed to be by having CP...

Then I'd be a proper human
Then I'd be a proper Christian

10/ .....

Tea break ....

Evening all - thanks for waiting 💜

Needed to pause as re-living my story can sometimes catch me out...

Ready for more?

11/

As a child, the charity now called Scope was then, charmingly, called The Spastic Society....

Advertising was based on the pity/charitable model. "These poor, tragic children can only have hope if you give money..."
& fear. "Imagine if this was your child..."

12/

I walked like the children in those adverts....

Those kids wore bright red, leather boots (strong, sturdy, feet clamping, heavy....)

I wore the same boots....

No wonder people on the streets stared & whispered - pity, tragedy, fear...

I was only 7 yrs old & I was angry

13/

(as an aside...)
(DIY SOS ....? )

13b /

So, I was an angry & confused child

& added to that a teen who tried to disguise physical giveaways & find the 'fix' (physio, medication, surgery, prayer...)

& to complicate things:
a clear call to Ordination!
From the age of 7!
A disabled female child!

God, really?

14/

Bear with - wee Tup needs a bedtime 'mamma snuggle' ....

I'm back!

My Rev when I was 7 took my anger, frustration & confusion seriously.
"Does this 'loving God' expect me to be a faithful disciple with CP?"
"When's God going to fix me?"
"Does God fear me, like people in the street?"

Whatever Rev said, I was more content!

15/

When I was 14 I went along to healing services at a local church held monthly...

I was still trying to mask my dodgy walking & stamina. I was trying to avoid my ordination call. I was beginning to question 'The Fix'. I was intrigued by 'healing' ....

16/

At the healing services, I loved the sense of the Holy Spirit being present, & the theological teaching that healing was a broad thing about the whole person. The band were good too!
Home life was a mess - maybe I'd have prayer for that...?

A tap on my shoulder...

17/

A stern voice in a stern face

"you been to 3 of these now. You're not a good advert for a healing service if you're still disabled, are you. Why do you come?"

I didn't go back.

God wasn't going to fix me.
So I'd just have to be as able bodied as possible, adapt myself

18/

Late teens:
GCSEs passed
A levels scraped through
Parent's divorced
Boyfriends disappointing
Driving test passed
Year out begun
Uni place secured
'Normal' life (with a limp) achieved...

Major surgery changes everything
De-rotational osteotomy
(Google it!)

19/

1992....

Me: no arguing God. I'm not getting ordained, I'm going to have my leg straightened then go & be an actor. Besides, women can't be priests so there's no point in my being ordained

God: hold my beer...

The CofE allowed women priests.

Surgeons straightened my leg

20/

1993-1996
Uni
Boyfriend - fiance
Degree (how?!)
More surgery... To correct the '92 op
Permanently on crutches since '92 with no sign of coming off them.
No masking this anymore.
Crutches make you stand out
(like a child's red leather boots)
Marriage! Work, house, bills

21/

God?
Always. Sometimes on mute.
Vividly present when 'recovering' from surgery no.3...
A part of New Wine - though cautious around prayer ministry which easily focused on my crutches...
"can I pray for yr CP?"
"if you think that's what God wants...sure"
Disappointment...

22/

After ever moment of prayer ministry I was still needing my crutches...
Failure
Whose failure?
Mine, obviously. Not enough Faith.

Incomplete disciple, obviously.

& yet, a call to ordination - with CP?

Needed to think...

23/

5 yrs working in out-of-school care across Birmingham : able bodied roles being done without adapting by a disabled woman who adapted herself to fit.

Ordained in 2003!!!!

And still adapting herself to 'the normal rules' of how the system works...

24/

The process to get through and reach ordination was.... exhausting.

"But how will you preach & not get tired?"

"Can you get into a pulpit?"

"How could you handle the bread/wine at Communion, on crutches?"

"Will you manage? Are you resilient enough?"

25/

7 years in a 'dog-collar' as RevTup & then my son was born 💜

A new dilemma....

What did I want him & his friends to make of disabled people?

What did I make of disabled people?

What did I make of... me?

Oh bugger! I had to think. Fast.

26/

And I discovered the Medical Model & Social Model language for the first time...

A new revelation.

I'd been living a Medical Model existence until now.

This says,
do all you can to get better.
"the only disability is a bad attitude..."
Try harder.

= failure...

27/

But the Social Model says:

Yr medical condition isn't stopping you. We are. We're getting in the way, preventing you. We'll change that. You have value. We'll affirm that. Justice is key to this.

& Psalm 139 "I'm fearfully & wonderfully made"

28/

Time to decide.

Was I a damaged able bodied person who just needed to try harder in order to have value?

Or was I disabled?

Would I keep adapting & pretending?

Or 'come out' & implement the adjustments I needed?

When wee Tup was born I 'came out' as disabled.

29/

To myself.

& then modelling what it meant to my churches,

& my son as he grew up & became more aware.

I bought purple, custom made, crutches (signifying permanence, rather than the temporary use NHS ones)

Then a motorized scooter.

Then a purple wheelchair [ image ]

30/

I co-founded @DisabilityJ & in doing so we discovered a hidden group of disabled people wrestling with Faith, identity, value, worth, Church, society, self....

I read Nancy Eiesland, Frances Young, @TommyShakes +++

I found my disabled voice!

Now what? 😏

31/

In a fabulous God-timing, "hold my beer, again" moment, a job appeared.

To do the things I was squeezing into my 'spare' time (around being a full time Vicar of 2 churches) & more, and get paid 😃😃😃

I applied.
Was interviewed.
Was appointed 💜

Here I am!

32/

My CP is a challenge
So is my sarcasm & belligerence

My CP makes life tiring
So do people parking in Blue Badge spaces with no Blue Badge

My CP brings anxiety
So do deceitful politicians

My CP opens doors
When able bodied people don't

33/

I'm fearfully and wonderfully made

I'm a work in progress

I'm made in God's image

I'm not failed or flawed creation
(not because of my CP anyway!)

You can read more in @DisabilityJ book 'Pilgrims in the dark' [ image ]

& quick tips for churches in this booklet from @GroveBooks

Thank you for listening...

Thread ends

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