Thread by @crazypastor

So, I think it’s time for #ItalianJob (2003), not least because it’s the reason I drive a Mini to this day.

Also it’s a solid freaking remake to the 1969 original, so let’s give it its due.

F. Gary Gray, one of *the* best-named directors in the history of film, nails it.

For all the ‘eh’ acting (lookin’ at you, Marky Mark), Gray makes up for it with simply delightful, engaging filmmaking.

And my Amazon facts-whilst-watching tells me that the entire crew recognized that Charlize Theron was the best driver on set.

Obviously.

(That GIF of course is from #MadMaxFuryRoad, which connects with the Mad Max series — and gives us yet another opportunity to say, together:

Fuck Mel Gibson.)

The opening credits are so fucking good, y’all.

The splitting of the frame in random ways, the way the music draws us into the diagram of a heist.

So much of it is extreme widescreen in the middle of a widescreen frame. Brilliant.

I love how they pair the weakest actor (Wahlberg) with giants like Donald Sutherland…to, ya know, make it more palatable. He’s the front-runner to make it money, but he’s not the core.

Damn, Mos Def and Jason Statham just appear.

This cast is stacked.

“We’re in Italy, speak English.”

Cold, Mos.

“I trust everyone, I just don’t trust the devil inside them" is a WORD, btw.

I could do without every manly make up of male thieves saying to each other a version of, “Okay, gentlemen.”

Lazzzzzzzy.

You can tell right away, Edward Norton is a fucking dick.

(I’ve heard this is the case IRL, can anyone confirm?)

The camera work is SOLID for the early 2000s tho.

Wahlberg feels like he’s here to basically tell us what, precisely, the thieves are doing.

And end it with, “Alright, let’s go!”

😂

And I’m sorry, I *still* don’t see the cut from Venice to the mountains.

Like, that editing was seamless.

I want someone to compliment me so consistently like Donald Sutherland compliments Mark Wahlberg, damn.

stone COLD killing the grandmaster fluffy old man like that

Leaving the others to die.

Oh, F. Gary Gray, FEED ME THE REVENGE.

Take the rest of the godblessed movie, I’m 100% here for it.

Oh, Charlize Theron.

Thank you for existing.

My 2003 self absolutely thanks you, too.

Hold up, phone call.

Charlize is frozen on the screen.

👍🏻

Alright back to it.

I love that Marky Mark always looks so…full of concentration?

That floppy drive that “has Napster” on it tho 👀👀👀

I want to name my cat Handsome Rob, let’s be real.

I was definitely seen as the Seth Green in my friend group.

Short, small, tech-guy.

Although I can absolutely ride a motorcycle better. Infinitely better.

“I don’t do dogs, man.”

“What happened?”

Mos Def with my evergreen mood:

Oh hey, Rent-A-Cop is Oscar from #TheOffice. I see you!

Fucking Edward Norton.

His facial hair tells the story.

Very cool that he’s watching the 1969 movie on his ‘big-ass-TV’ tho

“Monastery for punk-ass creeps!”

yes

The musical montage of getting the Minis ready — I’m fully here for it.

Early 2000s with the Dell computers and square monitors to show the genius of the technology. 😂😂😂

Just. Adult Mariokart up in here.

Why do so many 1990s-2000s movie gangsters hang out in car demolishing lots?

“We do it like the Italian Job.”

Oh, Mark. That’s cringe-worthy.

But, seriously.

This team setting up for crazy-complex heists is the BREAD AND BUTTER OF THE MOVIE

Just pump it straight into my veins.

Everyone has their job, and they all do them so well.

it’s Paul’s body of Christ up in here

The driving, pulsating music, just willing this heist to go down.

Yassssssssssss

Yo, those early 2000s MINIs, not even really on American streets yet, going through LA subway stations

hell
yea

The safe is “Israeli-made” BECAUSE OF COURSE IT IS.

Man, they explain the shit out of this plot to us.

The screenplay is <<chef’s kiss>>

Seth Green losing his shit in the LAX airport is everything.

These shots with the helicopter are thoroughly wild.

Seriously y’all

And then the satisfying AF ending mmmmmmmm

Just. Entertaining AF, this movie.

Fin.