, 4 tweets, 1 min read Read on Twitter
Happy Independence Day! Dropped by the grave sites of my Revolutionary War veteran ancestors in Pennsylvania a few weeks ago, and it turns out they had brass balls.
Doooo youuuur
Balls hang low, do they wobble to and fro
Can you tie 'em in a knot, can you tie 'em in a bow
Can you throw 'em over your shoulder like a Continental soldier
Do you balls hang low
BTW, being a descendant of Revolutionary War soldiers doesn't make me more American than you, being more freedom-y makes me more American than you
While we celebrate our nation's birthday, let us also remember the founding idea in which it was conceived: the universal human need to make assholes leave us the fuck alone
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