, 14 tweets, 6 min read Read on Twitter
they saed we wolde be free
that we was tacan bac our own
that the healan haus wolde be unbroc
aglitter agan with riches and hop
that lic a sun cum risan a proud folc
scruggan off the furrin yeoc

they sæd we wolde be free
sæd them lies to yu
saed them lies to me

–Tuttyl of Lincs
ENGLAND 2024

Swift and lethal as a jaguar’s kiss, the mysterious Brotherhood of Assacyclists has no allies on the battlefields of Britain—only clients and victims.

Yet they thirst, these wheelriders. Thirst for the blood of she what spurned them. Thirst for the Swedish Unicorn.
ENGLAND 2024

Following the Royal Navy’s bombardment of Aberstwyth and the burning of the National Library, the Free Wales Army has escalated its insurgency against Lord Protector Boris‘s regime.

Costa, Greggs, Oliver Bonas and other luxury ration stores are favored FWA targets.
ENGLAND 2024

“Ignore the smears, comrades! Rejoice in our triumphs under Great Comrade Jezza! Why, already, in zones we control, Labour Guards have seized 80% of Zionist-occupied homes and businesses and redistributed them amongst workers with a proper sense of English irony!”
ENGLAND 2024

But her mind is elsewhere. Cabinet. Puppies passing for men, lapping after Boris. Lord Protector. What‘s that milksop protected us from but victory?

But some... Brass. Coppers. The real men. Who know Britain needs steel. Who served one Iron Lady and would so again.
ENGLAND 2024

As the war grinds on, the dashing Lt Col Izzard (1st Battalion, Transvestite Brigade) has emerged as a beacon of hope to the beleaguered Republican cause.

He attributes his unit’s success deep behind enemy lines to their “fantastic makeup” and “fantastic guns.”
it was the hunds cum first.
the night was blaec with howlan wind
and tho i slept i heared it
thru dærc of slepe
a howlan on the wind that was
not the howlan wind

a wraceful wælan of bludy jaws
rotan fur
cast out by a cold new cyng
lufed only by a new-dead cween

-Tuttyl of Lincs
ENGLAND 2024

Despite promises of higher speeds & lower costs, the Lord Protector‘s decision to privatize the postal service has proven widely unpopular.

While many can forgive the running gunfights between delivery services, most object to the new methods of collecting postage.
While his legacy is secured as having presided over the reunification of Ireland, President Michael Higgins is nonetheless troubled as he visits English refugees at the Ballymartin Camp, fearing that he has not done enough for those fleeing war and famine across the Irish Sea.
ENGLAND 2024

"I mean, what else was we gonna do wiv it?"

- Charley "Hedgehog" Marino, Palace of Westminster Tour Guide
ENGLAND 2024

Addressing a bewildered crowd at the Canterbury Festival, Mark Rylance defends the Free Wales Army's recent bombing of Shakespeare's Birthplace, urging his listeners to think of "that man from Stratford" as "naught but a satyr to Bacon's Hyperion."
In Scotland, Conservative Party leader Ruth Davidson visits the “Bob Bruce” tank brigade deployed along the Anglo-Scots border marches, charged with repelling reavers and refugees alike.

Border security, Davidson believes, is key to defeating PM Sturgeon in the 2026 elections.
i was there the dæ they cum
in their bus great as a scip
and red lic fox tung

waefan us wundors beyond ken
with mouths huneycamb swete
how once we was great and colde be agan

lic a wind they cum and lic wind they gan
holow holow
the leafoers, the oath-brecoers

–Tuttyl of Lincs
ENGLAND 2024

“...herewith duly bound over in eternity and surrendered by covenant in mine own hand, as well as my mind, brain, intent, blood, and will. In confirmation whereof I have drawn out mine own blood for certification in lieu of a seal.”

“Jolly good. Bottoms up, Jakey.”
Missing some Tweet in this thread?
You can try to force a refresh.

Like this thread? Get email updates or save it to PDF!

Subscribe to Peter Wolf
Profile picture

Get real-time email alerts when new unrolls are available from this author!

This content may be removed anytime!

Twitter may remove this content at anytime, convert it as a PDF, save and print for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video

1) Follow Thread Reader App on Twitter so you can easily mention us!

2) Go to a Twitter thread (series of Tweets by the same owner) and mention us with a keyword "unroll" @threadreaderapp unroll

You can practice here first or read more on our help page!

Follow Us on Twitter!

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!


This site is made by just three indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3.00/month or $30.00/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Too expensive? Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal Become our Patreon

Thank you for your support!