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Understanding Coercive Control
Part 15: How to Avoid a Relationship with Coercive Control
Abusers look for certain qualities in a future victim.
Know the signs to protect yourself from manipulation.
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#UnderstandingCoerciveControl
#coercivecontrol #coercionandcontrol
Part 15: How to Avoid a Relationship with Coercive Control
Abusers look for certain qualities in a future victim.
Know the signs to protect yourself from manipulation.
THREAD
#UnderstandingCoerciveControl
#coercivecontrol #coercionandcontrol
1. People Pleaser
Do you have a need to please others and a need for their approval.
Do you put the needs of others before yours?
Do you do what other people want or expect of you?
If so, all of these qualities will make you more attractive to abusers.
Do you have a need to please others and a need for their approval.
Do you put the needs of others before yours?
Do you do what other people want or expect of you?
If so, all of these qualities will make you more attractive to abusers.
If a person’s self esteem is tied up with pleasing others and being seen as nice, that is a quality that an abuser will exploit.
2. Seeking Approval and Acceptance of Others
Do you need the approval of others?
Do you have a fear of rejection?
Do you worry that, if you don’t comply, you will be abandoned?
Abusers know that they can give you what you want, then instil fear by threatening to take it away.
Do you need the approval of others?
Do you have a fear of rejection?
Do you worry that, if you don’t comply, you will be abandoned?
Abusers know that they can give you what you want, then instil fear by threatening to take it away.
3. Fear of Abandonment
If an abuser knows you have a fear of abandonment, that is the ultimate control.
But abusers can also claim that they have a fear of being abandoned so that you remain close to them, thereby you end up isolating yourself from others.
If an abuser knows you have a fear of abandonment, that is the ultimate control.
But abusers can also claim that they have a fear of being abandoned so that you remain close to them, thereby you end up isolating yourself from others.
4 Fear of Negative Emotions
If you hate confrontation and will do anything to avoid conflict, an abuser will quickly know that raising their voice is enough to control you. Even the fear of conflict happening is enough to control.
If you hate confrontation and will do anything to avoid conflict, an abuser will quickly know that raising their voice is enough to control you. Even the fear of conflict happening is enough to control.
On the flip side, abusers can also deliberately avoid discussion by using the excuse that you are too emotional and walk away or storm out in order to control you into not having negative emotions. They especially like to do this when you are upset and cry.
5 Difficulty Saying “No”
Do you equate saying “no” with being selfish?
Do you hate letting other people down?
If so, an abuser will find it easy to manipulate and exploit your willingness to do things for other people.
Do you equate saying “no” with being selfish?
Do you hate letting other people down?
If so, an abuser will find it easy to manipulate and exploit your willingness to do things for other people.
6.Lack of Self identity
Do you know who you are?
If you have no sense of who you are outside of what you do for others, an abuser will erode your sense of identity even further by making your existence all about them.
Do you know who you are?
If you have no sense of who you are outside of what you do for others, an abuser will erode your sense of identity even further by making your existence all about them.
7 Distrust Own Judgement
Do you trust your own judgement or do you rely on others?
If you are indecisive and constantly ask others for their advice and opinions, it makes you an easy target for an abuser to manipulate.
Do you trust your own judgement or do you rely on others?
If you are indecisive and constantly ask others for their advice and opinions, it makes you an easy target for an abuser to manipulate.
8. External Locus of Control
This is your belief system- how and where you contribute things that happen to you.
External LoC - Believe control is external.
Internal LoC - Believe control lies with you.
People with internal LoC less at risk of falling prey to a manipulator
This is your belief system- how and where you contribute things that happen to you.
External LoC - Believe control is external.
Internal LoC - Believe control lies with you.
People with internal LoC less at risk of falling prey to a manipulator
The locus of control is not about victim blaming. This is about your belief system, eg:
Do you believe that good exam results are a result of hard work or luck?
Do you believe that good exam results are a result of hard work or luck?
9. Low Personal Efficacy
Self-efficacy is an individual's belief in their innate ability to achieve goals.
Do you believe you are capable of achieving things?
Do you believe you can make things happen?
Self-efficacy is an individual's belief in their innate ability to achieve goals.
Do you believe you are capable of achieving things?
Do you believe you can make things happen?
If you don’t feel you have mastery over your environment, it gives an abuser an inroad into building up your self esteem and your confidence before tearing you down. This is why they love putting their targets on pedestals. They love being the reason for your confidence.
10. Predisposition to Find Dark Personalities Attractive.
Do you like the * bad boys* and * bad girls*?
Do you find them exciting?
Do you think breaking the law is thrilling?
Are you fascinated by serial killers and violence?
Have you grown up around violence or criminality?
Do you like the * bad boys* and * bad girls*?
Do you find them exciting?
Do you think breaking the law is thrilling?
Are you fascinated by serial killers and violence?
Have you grown up around violence or criminality?
11. Wounded Healer
Do you think that helping others is a way to helping yourself?
You have a need to help people and feel it validates you as a person? Do you think you’ll become a better person by healing someone *bad*?
Do you think that helping others is a way to helping yourself?
You have a need to help people and feel it validates you as a person? Do you think you’ll become a better person by healing someone *bad*?
12. Love is All You Need
Do you believe love conquers all?
Do you believe that you can have enough love for both?
Do you believe that your love is strong enough to change the qualities they lack?
Abusers will manipulate your love.
Do you believe love conquers all?
Do you believe that you can have enough love for both?
Do you believe that your love is strong enough to change the qualities they lack?
Abusers will manipulate your love.
13. Your Dating Profile
Do you describe yourself as a believer in true love?
Are you seeking your Prince Charming to rescue you?
Do you mention your loneliness since your divorce?
Abusers look to see who will fall in live quickly and who doesn’t like to be single.
Do you describe yourself as a believer in true love?
Are you seeking your Prince Charming to rescue you?
Do you mention your loneliness since your divorce?
Abusers look to see who will fall in live quickly and who doesn’t like to be single.
