Thread by @egratto

The hot-take genre I am most fascinated by is Middle- and Upper-Class White Men Who Have The Key To #Productivity. I am on many of their mailing lists. I follow many of them on Twitter. I find their ideas for morning and evening routines precious and adorable. (#thread)

Somehow, they have constructed lives (at least as they tell it) that appear to be free of the chaos injected by a child or children that wake up at non-regular times, demanding an immediate hug, Lego consultation, or story. Their mornings seem consistent, calm, manageable.

Eat the frog first! they say. Journal for 10 minutes! Drink a tall glass of lukewarm lemon water! Step outside for that critical burst of nature that makes all the difference! Exercise for 30 minutes while listening to an audiobook!

I mean.

On the hierarchy of privilege, I am really, really high. And yet, when I look at these men, men who never, ever acknowledge in their writing JUST HOW MUCH their precious morning & evening routines depend on someone else to make them possible, it is like looking at the sky.

They are way up there. WAY up there. Floating about in some low-oxygen near-orbit atmosphere of heady privilege and ridiculous days that look nothing like anything the rest of us have to deal with. (And *I* don’t even have to deal with an awful lot many people DO have to handle.)

Of course some of these men are single. They live alone. So, there is no wife in their life handling the kids and the dishes and the cooking and the housekeeping (even if she is outsourcing some of that work because she works out of the home — or even from home).

But some of them — many of them — mention these families in passing, but never any strategies for managing the necessary chaos of child-rearing and family logistics. “Pick your priorities!” they say. “Only three!”

Um. OK. Sure.

Here are my 3 top priorities most days: 1. The kid stays alive. 2. The house doesn’t collapse under the weight of our piles of laundry. 3. My clients don’t fire me.

There’s no room in there for “mix a mug of bulletproof coffee & drink it to the sound of monks singing.”

In fact, there’s barely room in there for “Get six hours of sleep,” or “Take a shower,” or “Check in with that friend who is really struggling.”

And what’s really awful? I am actually an incredibly productive person. I HAVE actually adapted many of the principles of these men.

But. To anyone who reads the books, follows the “productivity influencers,” buys the planners, desperately tries to make order from chaos and feels like they’re failing, please remember: These men are not living your life. You don’t have to live up to their standard.

In fact, *they* are doing *you*, their *audience member*, a major disservice by not listening to YOUR needs. To YOUR reality. And by not speaking into THAT. Don’t throw good money at non-implementable advice. Seek out the authors, leaders, influencers who DO get your life.

And now, Twitter, I’ll throw this one out to you. Who are the people of color; the people who live with disabilities; the women who work, mother & grind every day, who give the MOST REAL advice on #productivity? The advice that takes into account the chaos and emotional labor?

Today, for example, I planned to get up, write for an hour, then check about four other things off my list before my kid woke up. But here’s what actually happened...

1. I have been pushing so hard lately that my body hit a wall and I hit snooze on three alarms for an hour.
2. My child woke up 45 minutes early and demanded a story & breakfast (though he gets breakfast at school).
3. I read the story, and fixed the breakfast (with his “help”).

4. I made myself breakfast in an effort to salvage control over my time.
5. I engaged my kid in a long conversation about some of his anxieties about Kindergarten (which he starts in 2.5 weeks) and how he can manage them.
6. I washed all the dishes.

7. I gave up on everything I had planned for before he left the house with my husband, because at that point, I had no time nor mental space. Among the things I had planned were a quiet 15 minutes with coffee & my planner, for which I paid an upper-class white man a lot of money.

None of those 7 things were on my to-do list. None of them were part of my “morning routine.”

NONE OF THEM.

I want to listen to those OTHER voices on this topic. I’m tired of listening to Privileged White Guy Giving Me His Top Four Tips. He doesn’t know my life.

Now, excuse me while I go add this rant to my to do list and then cross it off so I feel like I’ve accomplished something.

In the meantime, @lauriewrites has recommended @lashawnwiltz and @DivaMDGarrett as two people to follow for good thinking and interesting advice on this topic (among other things). If you're following along, please follow them!

Also adding #droptheball by @tdufu to the list of recommendations, based on @rtulshyan and her Tweet. Thank you!

And now adding @gsdwithgeorgie to this list, recommended by @KielOSphere! Thank you!