Thread by @QuinnyPig

Guess what day it is.

That’s right, Amazon Earnings Day! A thread.

They’re hiring 25000 people in Arlington over the next decade. If you want to live in Virginia and work on large cloudy type things, consider your choices or pack your bags to move there.

Now, let’s talk @awscloud. It made $8.34 billion in revenue over the quarter, but analysts were expecting $8.5 billion so Amazon stock dropped because financial analysts suck at their job of forecasting.

@awscloud AWS further disappoints by “only” demonstrating 37% growth of a ~$31 billion business. How disappointing; what a bunch of B players must work at @awscloud if they can’t double in size every year!

@awscloud Shares are down almost 2%. For clarity, that's almost $20 billion in market cap.

If I want to blow up $20 billion in value, I pretty much need to destroy the moon.

@awscloud They list off a bunch of service launches that read like a (link: lastweekinaws.com) lastweekinaws.com "Best Of" issue.

Control Tower! Ground Station! Nothing to report on the rumored moon base!

@awscloud They reiterated that George Mason University will be offering a bachelor's degree in cloud computing. I'd enroll but apparently I'd need a GED first.

@awscloud Since launching in 2016, DMS has migrated over 150,000 databases. Never has a for loop without an exit condition been more widely heralded.

@awscloud They highlight their position in Gartner's Magic Quadrant, which is corporate speak for "you idiots have no idea what AWS is or does, but you trust Gartner because in-flight magazines are the extent of your insight. They say nice things, so shut up and go bother others."

@awscloud And that's that. We now turn it over to @bobevansIT to learn how this means that Amazon is awful and getting its ass handed to it in Cloud by Microsoft, Oracle, and other companies who pay Bob. cloudwars.co