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The last debate was in Miami and everyone tried to speak Spanish. Tonight's debate is in Detroit and I'm already disappointed that NOT ONE candidate is wearing magenta gators.
Amy Klobuchar is about to catch the Holy Ghost during the national anthem.

If Pete Buttigieg was 'bout that life, he'd kneel.
I'm also disappointed that the Color Guard didn't electric slide. This is DETROIT for heaven's sake!
I'm waiting for a close-up of Don Lemon's shape-up so we'll know if he's gonna be New Year's Eve Don or Election Night Don
Maybe I'm on the wrong channel. I thought the Democratic Party was the party of diversity. How did we get 2 Johns, a Tim, a Pete and an Amy?
Is it just me or does Elizabeth Warren always sound like a 2nd-grade teacher trying to get everyone to walk in a single-file line during a fire drill?
Wait... HEALTH CARE is the "number one issue" for Democratic voters?

It's important but I'd bet that the white supremacist in the White House is important to about 43 percent of Democratic voters
Also, who TF is Eddie?
No one wants to say they want to increase taxes on the middle class to get universal health care. Here is the correct answer:

"Health care is expensive. OF COURSE taxes will increase. And you know what we get in exchange?

Fewer dead people."
I'm pretty sure that Bernie Sanders is just here to find a Flux Capacitor so he can get Beto O'Rourke back to the future.
This is too much minutiae for a 10-person debate.

Plus, lest we forget, Eddie is dying!
I'd just like to remind you that making illegal border crossings a civil offense is NOT the same thing as decriminalizing it.

Driving above the speed limit is illegal but last time I checked, they don't separate families and lock kids in cages for speeding tickets
Also, no one crosses the border for free health care.

Mexico has universal health care.
Marianne Williamson's edible just kicked in.
This debate just makes you realize how incompetent Chuck Todd really is.

Raise your hand if you think Chuck Todd can write in cursive.
Here's why Steve Bullock hemmed and hawed about gun laws:
@GiffordsCourage gave Montana an F grade on gun laws. His state ranks 6th highest in deaths per capita.

But he's just the governor
@GiffordsCourage They eliminate 2 candidates during the commercial, right?
@GiffordsCourage I'm pretty sure John Hickenlooper is Bill Nye the Science Guy.

He's gonna CRUSH everyone when they get to climate change.
@GiffordsCourage Amy Klobuchar's entire argument is that she can win because she's won every race. But she's polling at 1 percent.

That white privilege hits different when black people get to vote, doesn't it?
@GiffordsCourage Marianne Williamson is down there like:
@GiffordsCourage No one wants to say it but Atlanta might low-key be the next Flint. Remember, Flint's crisis started with an outbreak of Legionnaires disease. Stay woke
@GiffordsCourage Enough with the "healing the racial divide." Ain't no racial divide. It's white supremacy.
Don Lemon for the win!

This is why you got that shape-up!
@GiffordsCourage If one of the candidates says: "Y'all mofos gotta stop being racist"...

They win.
@GiffordsCourage Amy Klobuchar really thinks the key to ending the racism of Trump voters is childcare and economic opportunity.
@GiffordsCourage "We need to recognize that when it comes to the economic gaps between blacks and whites in America, it comes from a great injustice in America that has never been dealt with. That great injustice is 400 years of slavery followed by another 50 years of domestic terrorism."
@GiffordsCourage Bernie Sanders always insists he can end white supremacy with a "plan" as if he hasn't been one of the 100 most powerful men in America since Jesus was in middle school.

Where were his "plans" all these years he's been in the Senate?
@GiffordsCourage Has anyone checked on Eddie to see how he's doing?
@GiffordsCourage If Bernie Sanders is elected, we won't have to pay for student loans, health care, childcare, solar energy, college, school supplies, rent, weed, tithes, extra McNuggets sauce at McDonald's and all asylum seekers get in free before 11.
@GiffordsCourage I love black history but how the hell did Amy Klobuchar invoke the 16th Street Baptist Church bombing during a question about North Korea?
@GiffordsCourage Beto O'Rourke is the guy who reads the Cliff's Notes and gets a C-minus on the oral exam.
@GiffordsCourage Steve Bullock might not win the Democratic nomination, but he still has a good shot at winning the College Football Championship this season
@GiffordsCourage Steve Bullock closing statement:

"If I'm not having a stroke right now, you should vote for me."
@GiffordsCourage Marianne Williamson closing statement:

We need to fight Donald Trump with voices and love and love and...

Anyone wanna hit this blunt?
@GiffordsCourage John Delaney's closing statement:

If you vote for me, as president I will...
Who am I kidding? Y'all take care.
@GiffordsCourage Tim Ryan closing statement:

Wait... Y'all are gonna let me talk?
@GiffordsCourage John Hickenlooper closing statement:

As a small business owner, I can get results. When I started the Orville Redenbacher popcorn company, no one thought I'd be president one day.

I won't be president one day. But still... No one thought I'd be president.
@GiffordsCourage Amy Klobuchar closing statement:

All I do is win, win, win no matter what!
@GiffordsCourage Beto O'Rourke closing statement:

I won more votes than any Texas Democrat ever. I raised more money than any Texas Democrat ever!

Also... I lost.
@GiffordsCourage Pete Buttigieg closing statement:

Well, there's good news and there's bad news.

Thank you.
@GiffordsCourage Elizabeth Warren closing statement:

We can win if we build a grassroots movement that is about real change and remember, kids, don't run down the hall!

It's nap time.
@GiffordsCourage Bernie Sanders closing statement:

I'M GOING TO YELL IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE IT MAKES EVERYTHING SOUND REALLY IMPORTANT!
@GiffordsCourage This debate was longer than a Pentecostal pastor's anniversary. The choir marched in and everything! Are we supposed to wait for the benediction?

May the Lord watch, between me and thee...
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