Are you ready for storytime with Scafe.
So a couple of months ago, a friend asks me if I’m free Thursday night, because he got movie tickets for me and him and his son (who I used to babysit and is now 13, how does that happen).
I said sure, what are we seeing.
He says the tickets read UNDISCLOSED ACTION FILM.
A little context: major films generally do advance screenings toward the end of post-production to gauge audience reaction, and sometimes to try out endings.
The timing was right.
You guys.
It was not Dora.
My phone was already in the car, but I kept panic-checking my pockets every few minutes.
Like, they don’t even say the name out loud.
You guys.
YOU GUYS.
THEN.
Another guy walks over and asks us how old we are.
He then says, “perfect, would you mind staying after the film for a small focus group?”
I will not give any spoilers.
But did I yell out loud during an action sequence in a theater in front of the director and producers?
Did I start solo clapping for a particularly good Statham line?
YOU’RE GODDAMNED RIGHT I DID.
Somewhere there exists film of me living my best fucking life.
And I swear to god, I write a dissertation.
Then most of the audience is escorted out, and about 12 of us remain for the focus group.
The moderator says “okay, let’s talk about the film.”
me: Idris Elba
moderator: what about him
me: oh no, that was the entire thought
At one point, the moderator assumes the 13-year-old is my brother.
PRETTY MUCH I WAS HAVING THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Then he says “and there’s one more person who wanted to say thank you.”
You guys.
AND ALL I CAN THINK IS MY PHONE IS LOCKED IN THE CAR.
I’M PRETTY SURE I SAID “YOU’RE WELCOME, THE ROCK.”
ANYWAY.
I didn’t see the final film. But if it’s close, it’s an absolute delight.
And shout out to Vanessa Kirby, and whoever wrote her lines. The franchise finally put a woman on par with the men.
But.
Live your best life a quarter mile at a time. You won’t regret it.