Thread by @paraicodonnell

I’ve been reading some historical fiction for review, and it’s inspired me to create some writing tips for the genre.

Follow these simple guidelines, and you too can produce immersive and convincing period fiction – all without ever setting foot in the actual past.

1. The first thing you’ve got to get right is the weather. The past all happened in England, where a low pressure system settled from the late Middle Ages until 1972.

Precipitation persisted for centuries, as did extremely portentous mists. You’re going to want to mention these.

2. But historical weather didn’t just give rise to ague and foreboding. It was also extremely dangerous, especially to women.

Inject some adventure by having your heroine go for a walk. Even if she survives the drizzle, she will be ridden down by a brooding nobleman.

3. Pay attention to period diction. You want the language to be authentic without seeming mannered, so mix up those archaisms with saltier speech.

‘But soft,’ your hero might say, ‘here’s the impudent motherfucker now.’

4. People in the past had different stuff from us, which was just wild to them. If your character walks into a familiar room, she is absolutely going to notice the handsome wainscoting that was there the day before.

Use these period details to create a sense of period detail.

5. Life in the past was richly textured, but not for long. Average life expectancy for men was just 14, while most women died at birth.

Don’t waste all this tragic potential. Your consumptive heroine could fall in love in utero, then be ripped from the womb and eaten by wolves.

6. On the other hand, queens could live for centuries, especially if they remained virgins.

Give your novel that sweeping epic feel by introducing a couple of warring toothless* nonagenarian sisters who have never known the hand of man.

*Or vampires, which could also work.

7. Remember, standards of beauty were different in the past. Women’s complexions could be rosy, fair or deathly pale. The available hair colours were flaxen and russet.

Men had countenances instead of faces, so everyone concentrated on the shapeliness of their calves instead.

8. Period diction again. Remember, the word ‘yes’ did not appear until 1922.

Until then, a reply in the affirmative was formed using up to a dozen words. Consider this exchange.

‘Are you the villain Morley, sir?’

‘Aye, by my troth, such doth it be, mark ye, it is verily so.’

9. Letters. Letters were extremely important in the past because they didn’t have smoking areas. You don’t have to go full epistolary, but remember—your dying heroine needs to find out secret stuff and people pay way more attention to things in italics. Don’t hold back.

10. Dark secrets. I can’t stress this enough. It was dark all the time back then. No one knew anything. Yet dark secrets were somehow a thing.

A blood relationship, a sunken cargo, something a gypsy said.

Absolutely whatever the fuck. Just reveal it at the end, you’ll be fine.