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This upcoming Trump presser is going to be *crazy*. Like, a-bat-who-thinks-why-bother-shitting crazy.
Trump is late. I imagine he's asking his people if he can announce that Giuliani will be committing Seppuku and, since Giuliani hasn't actually agreed to it, his lawyers are telling him that Trump can't threaten murder on television.
They sedated him and told him he was competing for the Geography wedge in Trivial Pursuit.
On script: They threatened him
Off script: that's what they say I did, but I didn't do it.
I'd suggest putting on a play and watching Trump's reactions, but he lacks the self-awareness or mental concentration to realize the play was about him.
Off script: that's what they say I did, but I didn't do it.
I'd suggest putting on a play and watching Trump's reactions, but he lacks the self-awareness or mental concentration to realize the play was about him.
Trump's Nobel Peace plan for Kashmir: "Fellas, work it out. Work it out. They've got to work it out."
Trump is now offering to give over his first conversation with Ukraine and Mike Pence's conversations with Ukraine.
A. COULD WE HAVE BARR'S CONVERSATION?
B. If you want to get Mike Pence impeached to, I know a few people around here who would like to help you with that.
A. COULD WE HAVE BARR'S CONVERSATION?
B. If you want to get Mike Pence impeached to, I know a few people around here who would like to help you with that.
Trump now threatens to take WALL away from people who don't want WALL. Suggests only mountain climbers will be able to scale WALL. Because WALL is topped with... "anti-climb" panels.
He also called rivers and, like, topography a "natural wall"...
Trump is not answering the Ukraine question and re-litigating the 2016 election.
And by re-litigating I mean that he's trying to explain away why he lost the popular vote.
And by re-litigating I mean that he's trying to explain away why he lost the popular vote.
It's just constantly worth noting that Trump is not DENYING asking Ukraine to dig up dirt on his political rivals... he's just arguing that it's okay for him to do so.
Now Trump is talking about the call where he pressured a foreign leader into digging up dirt on his political rivals in exchange for defense material was "nice."
As Kyle once said of Cartman: "You're wearing a nice sweater, that's not the same as being nice."
As Kyle once said of Cartman: "You're wearing a nice sweater, that's not the same as being nice."
"We have Venezuela very much in our hearts, and very much in our sights."
Umm... THOSE ARE TWO SIGNIFICANTLY DIFFERENT COLLOQUIALISMS!!!
Umm... THOSE ARE TWO SIGNIFICANTLY DIFFERENT COLLOQUIALISMS!!!
He ends by essentially telling the Venezuelan report to not worry her pretty little head because everything is going to be fine.
Welp, I was wrong about the presser. I thought it would be really full-on crazy-town Trump.
Instead it was it was President Xanax.
Instead it was it was President Xanax.
