Thread by @cmclymer

On this joyous day, a thread of friendly reminders:

You come out on your terms and at your own time. No one gets to pressure you to come out or not come out.

Deciding you don't want to come out is perfectly good and valid. Just respect others' truth.

(1/x)

#ComingOutDay

A bisexual person is emotionally, romantically or sexually attracted to more than one sex, gender or gender identity though not necessarily simultaneously, in the same way, or to the same degree.

A pansexual person is attracted to any gender with the same caveats.

Bisexual + pansexual women who date and marry men are still bi/pan.

Bi/pan men who date and marry women are still bi/pan.

A bi/pan person who has never dated someone of the same gender is still bi/pan.

A bi/pan person who only dates someone of the same gender is still bi/pan.

"Cisgender" describes a person whose gender identity culturally aligns w/ the sex assigned to them at birth.

"Transgender" is an umbrella term for people whose gender identity and/or expression is different from cultural expectations based on the sex they were assigned at birth.

Many transgender folks identify as exclusively male or female, but many do not.

Folks who are "non-binary" may identify as being both a man and a woman, somewhere in between, or as falling completely outside these categories.

Not all non-binary folks identify as transgender.

Folks who are intersex have a wide range of natural bodily variations. In some cases, these traits are visible at birth, and in others, they are not apparent until puberty. Some chromosomal variations of this type may not be physically apparent at all.

Sexual orientation and gender identity are two very different things.

Sexual orientation describes inherent + enduring emotional, romantic or sexual attraction to other people.

Gender identity is one’s innermost concept of self as male, female, a blend of both or neither.

For example, a trans woman can be into only men (straight), only women (lesbian or queer), more than one sex or gender (bisexual), all identities (pansexual), or none at all (asexual and/or aromantic).

Please stop conflating trans women and gay men. Two very different groups.

Likewise, trans men and trans-masculine non-binary folks can be into exclusively women (straight or queer), exclusively men (gay or queer), etc.

Stop conflating trans men and lesbians and/or queer women. Very different groups.

Gender identity is not the same as gender expression.

For example, someone who identifies as a woman, cis or trans, may present in ways not perceived by some as "conventionally female".

They're still a woman.

Another example: a non-binary person assigned male at birth may like to present conventionally male.

They're still non-binary.

Gender identity and expression are on an infinite spectrum. Respect folks' truth.

A person who is asexual does not have a sexual attraction or desire for other people but may have a romantic or emotional connection.

A person who is aromantic does not have a romantic attraction for other people but may have a sexual or emotional one.

Folks who are aromantic and/or asexual are part of the LGBTQ family and have every right to be in queer spaces.

Bisexual people are, by far, the biggest group in the LGBTQ movement and the most consistently erased, particularly bisexual folks of color.

Saying simply "gay and trans" erases whole swathes of our community, and that's not okay.

Sexual orientation is not based on how many people you sleep with however many times from however many different backgrounds.

A queer person who is celibate is still queer.

There is no right way to be LGBTQ. There are cultural touchstones, sure, but you don't have to know what other LGBTQ people are doing to be LGBTQ.

Anyone who tells you that an LGBTQ person has to have certain interests (or not have certain interests) is a gatekeeping asshole.

That being said, any LGBTQ person who perpetuates systems of oppression and ignores the privilege they hold needs to be held accountable.

Being LGBTQ does not dissolve one's white privilege, male privilege, able-bodied privilege, etc.

Stonewall was a riot started by trans women of color. The modern LGBTQ rights movement was launched by trans women of color.

Guess which group faces the highest rates of violence and discrimination today? Trans women of color, particularly Black trans women.

Know the history.

Finally, LGBTQ experiences are infinitely diverse.

Aside from Dolly Parton, no one person speaks for the LGBTQ community.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

/thread