Against my better judgement, I present:
The Democratic presidential candidates, if they were employees at a Friendly's.
The Democratic presidential candidates, if they were employees at a Friendly's.
Yang: The manager who sits in the basement office playing Solitaire and (probably) doing coke. Comes upstairs every now and then to interview new servers and flirt with the girls behind the ice cream counter. Tries to bribe you with free chicken fingers to do a double shift.
Warren: Assistant manager. Does all the actual work. Helps with the closing duties every night, lets your kids hang out coloring in a booth while you roll silverware. Encourages you to fill out the application for the employee college scholarship or management training program.
Marianne: Sever, hired despite no experience. Fired after the first week because she keeps arguing with the line cooks that you should EAT the kale, not use it as a garnish. Final straw: when a customer orders buffalo wings, all she brings out are the carrot sticks and celery.
Klobuchar: Has been working opening shifts since she graduated high school. Takes a lot of smoke breaks out back with Yang. Always leaves without doing her side work.
Bernie: Line cook. Sneaks mozzarella cheese sticks off of customers' plates. Waves them like a pointer to accentuate his tirade about the failures of the city council to adequately address the pothole problem.
Harris: District manager. Wears way nicer shoes than you'd expect. You hear she fired the GM of a rival store when she caught him stealing out of the pickle bucket. Jokes about wishing she worked for Applebee's, because at least they sell wine. Eventually leaves for Applebee's.
Buttigieg: Works at the car dealership next door. Comes in every day for lunch, and always orders the Fishamajig and a diet Coke. Says "I'll be bad and get fries today," every day. Camps out at the counter and pretends to read The Economist or the Wall Street Journal.
Sestak, Bullock, Messam, Steyer, Bennett, etc.: A series of indistinguishable janitors. Or maybe pest control? You forget.
Castro: Dishwasher. Super nice. Always asks about your family. Comes out to help with side work when it's slow. Has been a dishwasher for five years, but never gets promoted. You just don't get it, because he seems really smart. You figure he pissed someone off in corporate.
Gabbard: Pulls up to the parking lot in a red Dodge Charger every night at the same time. Smokes one cigarette while typing on her phone, with the windows down, no matter the weather. Leaves without ever coming in. Has several nicknames among the employees.
Booker: Works behind the fountain. LOVES kids. Never really hangs out with the rest of the servers. Takes way too much time assembling sundaes. Says "fribble" weird. Won't let you steal Reese's Pieces from the jar, but always makes you a Monster Mash on your birthday.
Biden: "Did somebody say Happy Ending?!"
Thanks to my fellow Friendly's co-worker, @ScullyBully, for the assistance with this project.
RIP to the Barre, VT Friendly's.
RIP to the Barre, VT Friendly's.
