Thread by @BloodBrief

🎄‘Twas the Night ‘Fore Impeachment 🎄

‘Twas the eve of impeachment, when all thru’ D.C.,
The swamp rats were dancing and sipping Chablis.

The Articles set on the dais with care,
In hopes that Pelosi soon would be there.

Journos were bunked in the capitol’s hallways,
While visions of headlines entranced them like always.

Nance in her pantsuit, and Schiff in a tie,
Were prepping their openers should they testify.

When out on the grounds there arose such a clatter,
They ran from their office to check on the matter.

Away to the window they flew like a nutter,
Shiff’s neck a wobblin’, Nance all a sputter.

When, what to their wondering eyes should arise,
But a black limousine, and eight Russian spies.

With a hardy old driver, so clever and plump,
They knew in a moment it must be Don Trump.

More rapid than SEAL teams his champions they came,
And he whistled, and tweeted, and call’d them by name:

“Now! Nunes, now! Jordan, now! Gaetz and Stefanik,
“On! Lindsey, on! Bill Barr, on! Collins and Gohmert.”

“To the top of the stairs! to the top of the dome!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away home!”

So up the rotunda his coursers they flew,
With a carful of voters - and the president too.

And then in a twinkling, they heard from upstairs,
Mass clicking of keyboards as Trump’s team prepared.

As Schiff steadied his head, and then spun on his heel,
The limo appeared with Trump at the wheel

He was dressed to the nines, from his head to his toe,
With a button that flashed “there was no quid pro quo.”

Firing tweets at incredible speed,
He called out Dems and their sad, pointless screeds.

His eyes flashing brightly, his coif was perfection,
Still fit as a fiddle for his re-election.

A wry, knowing grin on his clean shaven face,
He wagged his ring finger at Dems in disgrace.

A white, well-worn smart phone held tight in his hand,
He tweeted out memes and sincere reprimands.

He held all the cards, and Democrats knew it,
Witch hunts! Impeachments! Dems totally blew it.

Trump did what he said, all promises kept,
Schiff and Pelosi bowed deeply and wept.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave Dems to know they had plenty to dread.

Trump spoke a few words, then went straight to his work,
Emptied their stockings; then turned with a smirk.

And laying his finger on top of his phone,
Proclaimed that D.C. was a witch hunt-free zone.

He sprung to his car, to the voters he tweeted,
“Victory’s ours! Dems will be defeated!”

And they heard him exclaim, ere he mocked their lame sham,
“Happy Christmas to all from your fav Uncle Sam!”