Thread by @jarumamagazine

My name is Salisu Chiroma, I come from Jigawa and I want to share my #DivorceDiaries with you.

I met my wife hafsah after my parents insisted that I couldn't possibly travel out of the country without being married.

A thread...

You see I had given up on love a long time ago since my girlfriend of four years dumped me just after our university days to get married to a "ready made",I was devasted because we had made so many plans for our future together... #DivorceDiaries.

... promises of waiting for each other till we are ready for marriage but some how these promises didn't mean much to her because she was ready to marry immediately she finds someone and... #DivorceDiaries

... conviniently blaming it on pressure from her family, forgetting over the years I had gotten acquainted with her family members, that's a story for another day.
After 3 years of waiting, I finally landed a government parrestatal I gave it my all. #DivorceDiaries

I was working extra because that was all I had and for 5 years I was managing my life and whenever marriage topic came up I would tell them I wasn't ready and that disturbed my mother because I was the only child. #DivorceDiaries

In 2011, I took a break, got a promotion and also bagged a masters’s scholarship in Aberdeen. This was such good news that when my mother insisted on helping me scout for a wife I agreed.

Imagine my excitement. #DivorceDiaries

I met hafsah 2 weeks after spoken with my mum,she was my uncle’s neigbor,apparently I knew her when I used to go for holidays but she was little so I couldnt remember her and as I grew up I hardly visited. #DivorceDiaries

Hafsah was a soft spoken young lady,she was very shy and easy to talk with,we immediately hit it off and after 2 months, I did the official gaisuwa and we fixed a date for the wedding.Everything went well,we got married 7 months after we had met #DivorceDiaries

We agreed that I would do my registration immediately after the wedding then start processing hafsah’s visa too. #DivorceDiaries

It took awhile to get her visa but I got the visa and immediately called to agree on a date for her but unknowingly her parents were planning on a trip to umrah just around that time... #DivorceDiaries

Infact they had already gotten visas,fixed a date and made all the arrangements,it was funny that I got to findout about the trip just a week to to it. It made me feel emasculated... #DivorceDiaries

But after awhile I reasoned that Hafsah really hasn't started her married life so maybe that’s why she didn't even think it was important to inform me before hand. #DivorceDiaries

Fast forward to Hafsah as a wife,she settled in nicely she was very homely,she fussed about cooking as much as possible although she quickly found out I didnt eat much so we agreed cooking once a day was alright... #DivorceDiaries

... and since I loved tea she woud buy different tea bags and biscuits for me constantly. #DivorceDiaries

I was able to secure admission for her. It was in her first year in University when we got married. So she started classes from the next semester,at first she was not very enthusiastic about school,she said she could do an online school which I discouraged #DivorceDiaries

She also complained that about the Nigerian girls there being snobs but she eventually settled down and became more serious.the first term went well and her results were impressive. #DivorceDiaries

Our life went uneventful, I got two part time job just trying to make us have a comfortable life. Hafsah also searched for a suitable job that wouldn't tamper with her school, we were happy, then the new session began and so did the drama. #DivorceDiaries

Hafsah now a more confident and more out going young lady started telling me about new Nigerian girls that transfered to their Class. One was a girl she knew in primary school and she was so excited about that, ... #DivorceDiaries

She would come home with one story after the other about the events of the day. She would chat excitedly, sometimes gossips about their lifestyle and I would listen enthusiastically, adding a few "haba?", "dagaske?", and "wow!". #DivorceDiaries

I didnt give it much attendtion until when Hafsah started forgetting her priorities. She would tell me they had to study and she would go out and not come home early. Usually even during her exams she would make stew then I would make rice or spagetti... #DivorceDiaries

But somehow hanging out with her new friends was too critical, I pointed that out and she became defensive so I left her alone. From there she started asking me for more money than the usual pocket money. #DivorceDiaries

She started making demands saying she needed a better phone, a new laptop, an ipad and more. I have always been someone who was careful about money, I tried to save for our future knowing that we would need to have some savings when going back home. #DivorceDiaries

Hafsha didn't take these explanations well at all,she would sulk and sulk and manipulate till she got her way at least for the phone and new laptop but when it came to the iPad I put my foot down, I even offered mine since I used my computer more but she refused. #DivorceDiaries

She sulked for about a week then sometime later I saw her with a new iPad. I was bitter with myself, I thought she asked her friend since according to her stories was rediculously rich, I asked how she got it: “Baba ya aiko mun da kudin”.
#DivorceDiaries

This even pissed me off more, for some reason her parents are always in our life, I respect the fact that she was the only daughter and her father is also well to do but I also like my privacy and I like being in charge of my life. #DivorceDiaries

This became a serious fight because I insisted to return it to the store and she refused, usually I always gave in to what she wanted but this time i was adamant. The fight continued until Hafsah’s mother called. #DivorceDiaries

She apologized on her behalf and said they didn't know what the money was for but I should allow her keep the gadget. I agreed and that was it, but instead of things getting back to normal it seemed that even triggered more drama. #DivorceDiaries

Hafsah now felt she didn't need my permission or approval to do things,she didn't care to involve me in her plans,she would just come home with new items, shoes, bags and more when I asked she would say she saved up from her pocket money... #DivorceDiaries

And then later claimed she got a job,what disturbed me the more was she was becoming somebody else or was she being influenced? She was no longer at home; suggested we get someone to clean twice a week because btwn her schooling and job she was not able to do much #DivorceDiaries

Whenever I tried to talk to her she would tell me that she has grown into the person she wants to become, she would tactfully tell me I am greedy and selfish and so she needs to earn for herself. #DivorceDiaries

She would passively insult me and compare me to other people who are living large. I basically became her enemy and this went on for almost a year. I tried to get her mother to talk some sense into her but nothing changed sometimes she is her old self... #DivorceDiaries

... sometimes she is another person.
One day when she was herself, we were talking about securing admission for my PHD and also getting her Masters. She said she needed a car because of the distance and she was tired of using the train. #DivorceDiaries

She claimed that cars were not even that expensive, we can manage a small TOYOTA, even her friends had cars. I was speechless, I kept quiet for a while wondering how she came up with these unrealistic demands. #DivorceDiaries

I said no, that's not a good idea, ”Haba Hafsah, mutane suna managing rayuwa ne fa”
Lets manage what we have, I have already bought land back home, I need to finish building it. #DivorceDiaries

Hafsah was seemed disapointed, she started trying to plead with me, saying Baba can chip in, but to which I said a capital "NO". I said that was the end of the conversation. #DivorceDiaries

As usual my sweet wife sulked and sulked for about a week. One day I overheard her conversation with her mother telling her to try harder and convince me. #DivorceDiaries

she did try again and again, but the answer was the same after 3 weeks of sulking, insulting me and calling me names, her mother called and tried to reason with me, claiming her dad can borrow us the money #DivorceDiaries

But of course I said NO, shortly after that Hafsah moved in to her friends place I came home and she wasn't there and she didn't come home throughout the night, I called and her friend answered and said she was sleeping. #DivorceDiaries

I was furious with her and I was tempted to divorce this spoilt brat but I calmed myself down. I don't like to involve my family in my issues but I called my mum and asked her to intervene. That didn't solve anything infact that created an issue btween our mothers #DivorceDiaries

It turns out my mother have heard stories Hafsah and her mother were spewing about me. It was so bad we couldn't eat 3 basic meals a day. #DivorceDiaries

These stories have been going round for awhile but my mother had never mentioned it instead she just called often and made sure my wife was feeling well. She also addressed the mother and things didn't go well. #DivorceDiaries

After about 4 days of Hafsah staying at a friend's and avoiding my calls. I called a truce, I sent Hafsah a message and asked her to come home because the fight was becoming rediculous but then the worst news came, Hafsah had had an abortion! #DivorceDiaries

She found out she was pregnant and although she knew we were looking forward to a child, but Hafsah, for some reason decided to about our baby to get back at me. #DivorceDiaries

This made me beyond furious,I was so mad at her,I know I made it obvious that I was more eager to start having kids and I was aware she had been using birth control but after sometime I was able to convince her to let us give it a try... #DivorceDiaries

...but it seemed she wasn't convinced.
I knew that I couldn't continue with this marriage because this was betrayal. I didn't even call to ask why, after I had confirmed this information, I quietly sent her divorce letter. #DivorceDiaries

She came back frantically begging, saying she was just mad that I won't allow her get a car so she wanted to push and get her way, she wasn't aware I knew about the abortion or the stories of my legendary greediness. #DivorceDiaries

I finished my master's and left Hafsah with her friends, I later heard she got married to a very influencial man and got divorced again. #DivorceDiaries

I just keep wondering if she was always this spoilt, self centered and materialistic from the very start of she just changed along the way. #DivorceDiaries

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