I'm going to tweet a very personal 'rant' regarding formal education (academics) in the hopes of receiving resourceful guidance and practical solutions. Basically, I need help from those who can understand and advise [Thread]
I secured good grade grades in Matriculation from a renowned private school, stood 3rd in the campus. However, on an overall, I did not have 'exceptional merit' to enroll at GCU or FCC. I settled for a less-known public college in Lahore, eventually.
The college I had to settle for, had an environment which was extremely unsettling for me: frequent strikes and class-cancellations by IJT, zero administrative support, fellows who labelled me a 'burger'...
Faculty who taught core subjects had an intimidating attitude toward all students (excluding one very generous English teacher, God bless him). As a consequence, for the first time ever and despite being a long-time 'teacher's pet', I became an outcast in my own college.
I literally felt nauseated at everything which was associated with my college. At the time, I perceived it as a 'dark phase' in my student life. My interaction with college fellows was near-zero, most of them came from rural areas and stayed in the hostel or dormitories.
These fellows from rural areas were some of the brightest students, high-achievers but their socio-cultural background was one with which I couldn't adjust myself (despite my best attempts). Save one or two, the other subject teachers were not approachable...
Each morning I'd wake up, I'd look back at photos of my private English-medium school and cry in reminscence of the 'good times'. To make up for missing education, I depended largely on a private academy in the evening (a standard practice in urban Lahore).
Many of my Matriculation fellows (school buddies) were already admitted to private colleges with very high fee structures but a suitable socio-cultural environment. Coming from a single-parent background, I decided to start funding my own education and not burden my mother.
I tried my best to put my morning time into online (freelance) work doing research work and also several odd/ part-time jobs. In the process, I'd often skip going to college altogether. You'd be well aware by now why that didn't seem a bad idea to me.
I studied diligently at the private academy throughout the year, though. Attended regularly because the teachers there were very rigorous, mindful and had a habit of following-up with each student. I passed my exams but my overall college score was embarrassing for my own self.
This was an unprecedented low in my academic history. I was a persistent high-achiever during early schooling in the UAE (Our Own English High School and later Choueifat for several years).
After settling in a new-found society in Lahore (Pak), my mom worked very hard to give me quality education at the private school, but her health was getting affected. Since we both are synced together strongly, I firmly resolved to stand on my own feet and help her out.
I can still never match the courage, resilience and stamina of my mother. Anyhow, after completing college but with embarrassing grades, I went into extreme depression. We all received calls from peers and relatives rushing to inquire about our grades, I was too humiliated...
My mother comforted me throughout but deep down, I felt guilty for bringing upon the 'shame' of low grades. What I was most afraid of, honestly, was the fact that my mother would (unjustly) blame herself for my own failures.
I was drowned in depression and disillusionment. Basically, I began resenting myself. And God forbid if you ever reach this stage. I tried to find solace through various means and working hard, but to no avail. The deadline to enroll in university was just around the corner...
Public universities were merit-based, so they were all crossed-out. Private universities were beyond affordability. The only two options I was left with were either AIOU or VU.
I opted for VU on the advice of a few peers and selected Computer Science (Honours) for my Bachelors. I had a centre in Shadman, Lahore (now defunct) but I was an outcast there too (silly, right?) so preferred distance learning from home.
I worked full-time during the day for a private company and in the evenings, I would spare sufficient time for studies, quizzes and assignments through the LMS. Well, I managed to reach 5th semester but one subject in particular took its toll on me, repeatedly: Mathematics.
The 'dark phase' I went through during college years and late admissions to the private academy affected me such that I wasn't able to build a strong foundation in Calculus and Geometry. And adequate knowledge of Mathematics is essential for programming.
After thorough deliberations, especially with my own self and keeping the fact in perspective that I could not 'rote' my way into BS (CS), I took a big decision and dropped-out from fifth semester. Continuous Fs in Calculus/ Geometry were adding fuel to the fire.
Meanwhile, the same peers and relatives who were usually out-of-reach began descending upon us and accusing me of being a disappointment. The pressure was intense and nerve-racking. "Degree toh lelo", was the most emphatic advice I got.
So anyway, I decided I was on my own. My mother didn't discourage me but she was concerned about the timing of the decision. I tried to dissuade the concerns. I enrolled for a private BA (Arts) from University of the Punjab while continuing my day job and part-time online work.
When I got my BA degree (14-years), it was 'okay'. Major subjects were French (studied thoroughly earlier in Choueifat days), Journalism and Education. From that day on, I've just been caught up in work, work and work.
I credit my wonderful teachers at OOEHS and Choueifat (both in the UAE) for building strong language and cognitive foundations for my self-learning, including the private school I studied from in Lahore. I got my BA (2-year degree) almost a decade ago.
Over the past decade, like everyone else, I evolved, but obviously in my unique path. I was unemployed because of my weak higher academic credentials and so I spent time helping my entrepreneurial mother in her jewellery business and boutique.
We rented a small corner in the half-lit basement of a commercial plaza on Main Boulevard Gulberg (Lahore) where we would sell traditional clothes, shoes and antique crafts.
Customers usually visited 6pm onward, I had sufficient time to read lots and lots of books: spiritualism, philosophy, biographies, guidebooks, used subject books etc.
In between all this, I saw an ad for Provincial Management Service (PMS) exams via Punjab Public Service Commission (PPSC). I applied and took Public Administration, Sociology and Mass Comm as electives.
The English Essay I wrote was about 'Write about the menace of terrorism in Pakistan and possible solutions to overcome them'. This was of personal interest, I began writing according to the guidelines with an adequate outline, credible source citations and novel CT solutions.
To my surprise, when the results were announced, I scored highest in Public Admin, second-highest in Mass Comm and... declared 'FAIL' in Essay (if I remember correctly, it was a 12/100 or something). Friends, family and I all were wide-eyed with mouths open.
I couldn't believe my eyes. In such exams, 'failure' in one subject means 'failure' in all. This was my second embarrassment after college and I was restless with disbelief. I applied for paper re-checking but received no response. Later, I was told re-checking isn't possible.
I gave up, just like that. "Eff it all", I kept telling myself and began harbouring resentment for the education system, for HEC, for political leaders who did nothing but disappoint.
In between all this, it's worth sharing that I would regularly open social media profiles of my school fellows in the UAE and Lahore (had no friends college onward). Sitting in my room alone or using my phone, I'd see them sharing photos of convocations or alumni gatherings...
I cannot even begin to explain how lonely and harrowing that made me feel. I was genuinely happy and proud of their achievements but deep down inside, I felt like the loneliest soul in the universe. The abandoned one, the "other", the "miscellaneous".
Unbeknownst even to my family, I would weep for nights in my room for being a complete and utter failure.
I lost my day job because of office politics and relied on part-time online work. A few weeks later, I was offered a job at a private but premium tuition centre in Johar Town Lahore as a tutor. I taught English, Geography, General Science, French to privileged students.
By 'privileged', I don't intend to label anyone. I was myself 'privileged once'. Here, I refer to children who were born with golden or silver spoons in their mouth and whose parents were influential elitists. Aitchisonians comprised a sizable segment of my student batch.
They came from affluent families such as CSP officers, businessmen, industrialists and even some renowned politicians and military officials.
The 5-6 months I spent there established strong bonds with my students, some of whom still message me on Facebook, now all grown up (Ma shaa Allah). Their parents respected me a lot, and it was this very respect which gave me strength and protected my dignity.
The tuition centre's co-owner was a businessman and a thorough gentleman. After this, thanks to a renowned job-seeking website (name withheld to prevent accusations of 'marketing'), I landed a job as Content Specialist in a multi-national private school group.
The job I had applied for had Masters in English Literature as the minimum criteria. As I was needy, I applied anyways. Fortunately for me, they interviewed me in phases, took a few tests to check my editing skills and then took me on board. I had a wonderful time there.
In between all this, I was operating a forum called "Terminal X" (short: "TX"), a defence and geopolitics website which I co-founded with a friend in 2010 and spearheaded till 2014. I used that platform to share my comments and analyses on developing regional/ intl affairs.
I used my free time immediately after college to hone my OSINT/ SOCMINT skills through self-practice (trial-and-error) without consulting any manual or guidebook (there wasn't any, back then). It was something I developed a knack for. I was always interested in finding 'more'.
The open source research skills coupled with a passion for strategic analysis fuelled me to invest my energies and time toward 'Terminal X'. I was graciously supported in these endeavours (buying a domain name, printing business cards etc) by a handful of trusted friends.
These handful of friends encouraged me through statements like "bhai ap likkho, baqi tension mat lo". We also re-published select defence, intelligence and geopolitics news through proper source citations on our website.
Sometimes I couldn't afford my Internet bills, used a Qubee device and then wi-tribe. My close group of friends took care of that in those instances.
Mostly, the Terminal X website including commentaries by yours truly would be published while I was sitting in our small family shop in the basement of a plaza in Lahore.
Within a year of its launch, TVN Chile approached me for a comment on the Abbottabad raid by US forces. I shared my unique perspective on the incident, which I stand by to this day ().
Gradually, several mainstream entities such as FP, official US military websites, local publications would link to content published on Terminal X. A professor from Portugal also cited us as a resource website on Information Warfare (slide 5: slideshare.net/lmbg/the-infor…)
Public affairs personnel from US CENTCOM would as also NATO would routinely mail us for comments and clarifications (and vice versa). I was also informed through feedback that 'Terminal X' and my writings were 'read' by high-ranking officials in Pakistan.
I found a better opportunity with my present employer, a private-sector consultancy firm so I moved to Rawalpindi. As I live on rent and cannot make sufficient savings, I am unable to fund higher education. But most importantly, I cannot spare time for studying on work days.
Another important issue at hand is that programmes that ARE available on weekends or evenings are either MBA, MPA or technical courses which do not address my interests. I'm a huge fan of Intelligence Studies or related to Security Studies in general.
Last month, I decided to try my 'luck' and approach the HEC through Citizen Portal, seeking not only advice but a practical way forward (see my statement on the portal, attached). 
My complaint was initially assigned to Chairman HEC who then forwarded it to DG (R&A).
DG (R&A) forwarded again to Consultant (QA Division) who, more than a week later, shared with DG (Academics).
DG (Academics) was kind enough to issue a detailed response but he simply directed me to contact universities where I should, in his opinion, enroll for completion of my 2-year BA through an Honours programme.
This practically brings me back to fending on my own, try and persuade universities to give me scholarship without merit (needs-based) and settle with available evening/ weekend programmes which aren't even remotely related to my career prospects as research analyst.
I entered the 30s age group last year. I am unqualified to apply for government jobs in the officer cadre because I do not fulfill the criteria for 16-years of education. The system has kept me out. In parallel, I'm facing promotion issues for not possessing a Masters.
The private sector firms I worked for in Lahore and the one I currently work for in Rwp, although gave me jobs, were/ are unwilling to compensate me adequately for the skills-based services I offer them.
I cannot fund my higher education, nor can I enroll in programmes just for the sake of acquiring a piece of paper. I consider it against my own principles. It's plain stupid and nonsensical in the long run.
For over a decade, I've been part of "The Others", a miscellaneous entity who can understand and perform equally well as their counterparts with Masters or PhDs but who still face ridicule and discrimination for being a "mamuli BA-pass". I am one of "The Others".
Successive regimes (a dictatorship and few 'democracies') have so far kept me outside the system. I am an outcast in my own country and though that doesn't aggravate me, I resent this abandonment. I can either work and support my family or I can study.
So before I end this personal 'rant', please keep these tweets for public record. I am not over-confident, I'm not exceptional, but I have the cognitive and intellectual capabilities to perform equally, if not better than, people with 16 or more years of education.
I've struggled throughout the decade to carve an identity for myself and let the world know I'm not a semi-literate pseudo-intellectual some might assume me to be. My individual circumstances haven't been conducive, this doesn't mean I don't intent to study further.
Fellow countryfolk, please remember this chap who belonged to "The Others". We aren't qualified to be government officers, we aren't qualified for promotions but we sure as hell can do our job thoroughly and efficiently. We're skilled to the core and keep improvising.
But, sadly, we are 'unfit' to be emplaced somewhere properly with benefits and privileges commensurate to our unique skills. On behalf of "The Others", the miscellaneous, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for having read my statements so far. God bless you [End]
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