I used to think that I could just passively avoid people’s toxicity & drama by being nice to people. But what I’ve learned in my 30s is that, especially when you’re a marginalized person, you have to teach people how to treat you. If they act up & you smile they will do it again.
I now know that to teach people how to treat me sometimes I have to be direct, firm even unkind, sometimes I have to make people uncomfortable so that they know I am a person. Who feels. Who has a whole life. Who is valuable. Who is loved.
Don’t assume people, especially people you want to date or befriend, know how to treat you. They probably don’t. But they might be able to learn. And if they can’t learn, better to just know now and be done with, ya know?
