Thread by @aaronhoyland

A thread on the value of kindness.

A number of years ago, my ex-partner and I moved into a new home. Our neighbours were a lovely couple in their early-30s. We weren’t close, but we had many of those random, friendly conversations that you have with your neighbours.

During the winter, we had an unspoken agreement about snow shoveling: whomever got out first would shovel the walks in front of both houses. We never openly discussed it, but it was just one of those little perks when you get along with your neighbours.

We never kept track of who shoveled when, but it always felt equitable.

The years went on, and they had two children fairly close together. I noticed that I saw the woman less often, but thought nothing of it.

Around the same time, my partner and I split, and I moved out for half a year. Eventually, she moved out and I moved back into the house, and I was pleased to see the man and their kids playing in the yard one day (they hadn’t moved - hooray!).

Eventually, winter rolls around and the snow starts to fall. I figure that I’ll assume our shoveling arrangement still stands. First snow, I shovel. Second snow, I shovel. Third snow...shovel. It would seem my neighbours haven’t been keeping up their end of the bargain.

I see the man outside one day and he thanks me profusely for all the shoveling I’ve been doing. “No problem”, I tell him. “You guys have kids - you have better things to be doing.” He gives me a bit of a funny look, but I bid him farewell and head inside.

A month or two pass, with me doing nearly all the snow clearing. At some point, I send him a text about something unrelated and, in passing, mention his wife.

And that’s when he tells me that she’s passed away. In happened in the past year while I wasn’t living at the house.

It turns out that she’d gotten cancer, which is why I’d seen less and less of her towards the end of my first house stint.

And that, of course, is why he hadn’t been shoveling as often. He’d lost his wife at the age of...35? Maybe 40? He had two children under the age of 4 and was a newly-single parent. Anyone want to guess where snow clearing now fell on his list of priorities?

Those who watch “The Good Place” are familiar with the concept of contractualism, which was popularized in the book “What We Owe to Each Other”.

It is, in essence, a theory that the morality of actions is driven not by whether they are intrinsically good or bad, but by whether they strengthen the social contract that we have with one another.

Every day, we’re given chances to strengthen those bonds.

Every favour, every consideration that you pay to another person builds a better, stronger society. We are better when we know we can rely on each other.

So do more than you think you should. Be kinder than you think people deserve.

Because you never know what someone may be dealing with.

Maybe they had a bad day at work.
Maybe their kids are acting out and they’re on their last nerve.
Maybe they’re fighting with their partner.

Or maybe, their wife just died, and for just a little while, they’re really glad that they don’t have to worry about shoveling their sidewalk.