How do we bridge the gap between who we are now & the allies we aspire to become? I’ve worked with and in enough orgs to learn that very few equip folks to uncover & disrupt the psychological barriers holding them back from realizing their ally potential./1
Here’s the thing: even when folks know how to ally, the follow through is often wimpy. It’s like getting in shape: we want to do it & the formula for most is pretty simple - eat well & challenge your body - but the work isn’t easy so we don’t develop sustainable habits./2
At @Upwork, we’re focusing on "allying inward" by uncovering the psychological defenses that preclude us from showing up consistently and courageously on behalf of others./3
We’re currently discussing Practicing Empathy with a focus on building emotional courage. Emotions are quite literally contagious. If we want to build emotional bridges with others, we have the power and imperative to take the first step./4
By showing more of our own humanity, we make it safer for others to do the same. In turn, we ready ourselves to connect more deeply with their experiences and comprehend realities that aren't our own. This is the ticket to amplifying belonging for all./5
There’s tons of excellent resources on HOW to build emotional courage. See amazon.com/Leading-Emotio… & amazon.com/No-Hard-Feelin…. /6
Information on WHY we don’t do the work is harder to find. By honing in on why it’s scary to take that leap, we’re creating space for our vanguard of prospective change agents to dissect why & how their defenses are serving them & to craft action plans to overcome them./7
The 4 defenses we’re discussing are #1: Self-Preservation: opening ourselves up to others’ emotions can be incredibly taxing, especially in client-facing roles & for folks from marginalized backgrounds./8
Only after acknowledging this fact can we devise strategies to overcome empathy traps. We have to take care of ourselves before serving others. This is not a bad thing! We can’t pour from empty cups./9
Defense #2 = Self-consciousness: Most of us have been prescribed a small amount of latitude to express emotions, especially @ work. This is the result of explicit & implicit social conditioning from employers past & present, gendered race stereotypes, cultural contexts, etc./10
So, we have a justifiable fear of backlash for being human at work. Even though 90% of human decision making is emotional, we fear that displaying vulnerability will make us appear weak or or incompetent & will come back to bite us./11
The unlock is to accept the risk and actively chip away at cultivating a growth mindset about emotional courage. If we embrace and learn from the everyday practice, we grow more resilient and persistent in cultivating a more empathetic workplace./12
Defense #3 = Other consciousness: We don’t want to burden others with our feelings. But if WE'RE concerned, how must our less privileged colleagues feel when they consider bringing more of their whole selves to work?/13
The workaround is to develop our ability & confidence to share our emotional cargo without dumping it on others. Of course, our position in the power hierarchy is a critical factor to consider when calibrating on what’s TMI to offload./14
In contrast, some folks are concerned about undersharing. In that case, we’re working on identifying practical moments to open up a bit more - especially if we manage teams and/or need to build trust with others./15
Defense #4 = Paralysis: We just don’t know how to get started. In this case, we’re focusing on starting small and leveling up. Relationships have levels and - regardless of where we are - we can always go a click deeper to reveal another layer of ourselves./16
“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” -@BarackObama /17
When we recognize & remove the personal roadblocks that preclude us from displaying the emotional courage we want to see in our organizations, we build more human, caring & empathetic workplaces that support a diversity of talent./18
As an empath, activist & Black woman, I identify most strongly with defense #1. Which defense resonates most with you? What's holding you back from displaying the emotional courage that others deserve to see?/19 (end)
@threadreaderapp will you please unroll?
