Thread by @Andabatae1

I am only doing this because @Reylo4President won't leave me alone, but...

Dirty Paws
A #Reylo Twitter AU

https://twitter.com/cracktheglasses/status/1232073841842761728

@Reylo4President Ben's having the most delightful dream. It somehow involves swordfighting, space battles, AND sex, although he can't see the face of his partner. All he knows is that she's soft and warm and smells nice and maybe attacked him earlier in the dream, but that's no longer relevant.

@Reylo4President "Yes," the dream woman moans. He's about to make her come, which is amazing, since the real-life Ben Solo has yet to even encounter a naked woman in the flesh, when-

*CRASH*

A sound jerks him awake.

@Reylo4President He sits bolt upright, heart racing as he tries to adjust to his surroundings. The dream slips away, replaced by the dark, hulking shapes of furniture. At least, he thinks they're furniture. His eyes are sleep-blurred, and there's something in the corner that might be a person...

@Reylo4President His eyes adjust, and nope, it's just his grandmother's antique standing mirror. The noises continue, though - weird rustles and scraping sounds coming from outside the bedroom.

Someone's in his kitchen.

@Reylo4President Ben doesn't own a gun and has never been in a fight, but the adrenaline drives him out of bed anyway. If someone's messing with his espresso machine, there's going to be hell to pay.

He grabs a croquet mallet from his closet and tiptoes to the door.

@Reylo4President There are no lights on in his apartment. The thieves probably tripped on something in the dark, which caused the noise. Ben slips out into his living room, staying low as he makes his way towards the kitchen of his one-bedroom apartment.

@Reylo4President Moonlight spills through the window over the countertop. A few more steps, and Ben will be able to see who's robbing him. They're definitely still there - there's a strange, rhythmic crunching sound coming from the kitchen.

@Reylo4President Testosterone wins the battle with common sense, and Ben leaps into the entrance to the kitchen with a feral war cry, wielding his croquet mallet like a mace.

"Freeze!" he screams.

@Reylo4President ...There's no one standing there, though.

A flicker of movement at foot-level catches his eye. He looks down...

And sees the world's biggest raccoon staring at him, nonplussed.

@Reylo4President "Jesus Christ." Ben is wearing boxers and nothing else; he isn't prepared for an encounter with a possibly-rabid animal. He leaps back, and his shoulders collide painfully with the wall.

The raccoon cocks its head.

@Reylo4President Now that Ben's eyes have adjusted, he can see the destruction the raccoon has wrought. A coffee mug lies smashed on the tile, and several cereal boxes surround the creature. All of his cereal boxes, in fact, including the secret box of Fruit Loops he keeps under the sink.

@Reylo4President "No!" he cries. Cereal is everything to him, and this filthy creature has been putting its filthy paws all over his breakfast food. He'll have to throw the cereal away, all twelve boxes of it.

@Reylo4President The raccoon stares at him like it has a point to make. Then it slowly reaches into the box of Fruit Loops, pulls out a handful... and eats it while maintaining unblinking eye contact.

@Reylo4President "You bitch," Ben breathes.

The raccoon frowns - can raccoons frown? - and throws the handful of Fruit Loops at him. They clatter around his feet in a shower of ruined rainbow deliciousness.

@Reylo4President This doesn't fit with anything Ben knows about animal behavior, but at least the raccoon doesn't seem rabid. From what he remembers from To Kill A Mockingbird, that involves a lot more foaming at the mouth and chasing after people with intent to bite.

@Reylo4President Admittedly it's been a few years since he's read it. Maybe throwing fruit loops is the Millennial raccoon's version of frothy biting?

As he looks at the creature, though, he has the sudden and odd certainty that this raccoon is Gen Z.

@Reylo4President "Well, of course you're Gen Z," he mutters to the creature. "You're probably, like, three years old."

The raccoon frowns at him again, then holds up both paws and flashes all five...fingers?... on each paw twice.

"Twenty?" he asks.

The raccoon nods.

@Reylo4President Maybe Ben's still asleep. Maybe this is just the next step after the space battles and swordfights and kissing, although if so, he definitely has notes. What kind of dream stops short of orgasm and veers straight into raccoon territory?

@Reylo4President His dick is still a little hard from the dream, he realizes. When the raccoon lowers its head to stare intently at his crotch, he covers himself with his hands, feeling oddly violated.

"Don't be a pervert," he tells the possibly-twenty-year-old rodent.

@Reylo4President Another piece of knowledge slips into his brain. Just as he knew the raccoon was Gen Z, he now knows it isn't a rodent. It's a member of the Procyonid family.

"Huh," Ben says. He doesn't remember learning that in school.

@Reylo4President The raccoon chitters at him, then turns and grabs a fistful of Cheerios, shoving it into its greedy maw. At least the raccoon hasn't opened his high-fiber oat squares yet; he doesn't want to imagine what could happen if a raccoon's bowels suddenly become regular in his kitchen.

@Reylo4President The raccoon rolls its eyes. That's... not normal animal behavior, either, is it?

Then Ben notices something odd. The raccoon's hair is longer on the back of its head, and it seems to be drawn up in three buns.

@Reylo4President "Definitely a dream," he says.

The raccoon flings Cheerios at him.

"Hey!" He dodges the missiles, although some patter against his legs. "Quit doing that."

@Reylo4President He needs to get this thing out of his kitchen. He eyes the open window, cursing himself for not locking it before going to bed. He doesn't have a bucket big enough to trap the thing under, which means he'll have to somehow grab it.

@Reylo4President The thought of calling animal control doesn't cross his mind, but admittedly, he's very sleepy and more than a little disoriented.

He thinks about the best way to accomplish this. Maybe he can wrap it in a towel? That seems smart.

@Reylo4President He retrieves a towel from the bathroom. When he turns to return to the kitchen, he nearly jumps out of his skin.

The raccoon is in the doorway, standing on its hindlegs and pointing at him.

"What the-"

@Reylo4President The raccoon points between Ben and itself, then scurries away. Intrigued and horrified in equal measure, he follows it into his bedroom.

"No!" he cries when he realizes the rodent - procyonid, whatever - has set up a nest in his bedsheets.

@Reylo4President The blankets are piled around it, and in the middle of the expanse is an alarming amount of cereal. Too distressed for rational thought, Ben tries to sweep off some of the cereal from the bed.

He's met with a hissing, teeth-baring display as the raccoon hovers over the food.

@Reylo4President He eyes the thing, wondering if he can even pick it up. It looks oddly clean for a scavenging creature, its fur sleek and glossy. Tired of trying to corral it in the dark, he flicks on the lights.

Its eyes are a very pretty hazel.

@Reylo4President "I'm going nuts," Ben mutters. He shouldn't be finding any part of a raccoon pretty. Still, there's something intelligent in those depths, something almost... human.

@Reylo4President The raccoon chitters excitedly, then spins around and plops back down in the nest of cereal and blankets. It reaches out one black paw, then pats the bed next to it.

"You want me to... sit?" Ben asks.

The raccoon nods.

@Reylo4President Ben doesn't remember smoking anything before bed. He didn't drink, either. He pinches himself to check that he really is sleeping.

"Ow!" Okay, that felt really real. So how is it possible he's communicating with a raccoon??

@Reylo4President "You need to get out of my bed," Ben says.

The raccoon shakes its head and pats the bed again.

"Let me just grab a towel to wrap you up-"

The raccoon hisses and launches onto its hindlegs, adopting a battle stance that looks straight out of Guardians of the Galaxy.

@Reylo4President Ben groans and rubs his eyes. This is not going the way he thought it would. "You aren't leaving, are you?" he asks.

The raccoon shakes its head.

"Christ, I need a drink," Ben mutters.

@Reylo4President Five minutes later, he returns from the kitchen with a generous tumbler of whiskey.

The raccoon is now lounging on its back, feet kicked up on the blankets, cereal pooling in the soft fur of its belly. It looks over at him and grins, baring sharp white teeth.

@Reylo4President Ben gingerly sits down at the head of the bed, several feet away from the monster. An awkward silence falls as they stare at each other.

"So," he says at last. "You come here often?"

@Reylo4President It's a stupid question, but the raccoon grins again. Then it shoves a paw out at him. In its palm is a mix of Cheerios, Fruit Loops... and oh, no, high fiber oat squares.

The raccoon moves its hand closer, and he realizes it's an offer.

"Oh, no thank you."

@Reylo4President The raccoon looks sad. Really, really sad. So sad, Ben can't bear it. "Fine," he says, holding out his hand. "But I'm not going to eat it."

She grumbles a little - and wait, when did he decide this was a she? - and dumps the cereal into his palm.

@Reylo4President Ben holds the cereal awkwardly. He's already halfway through his drink, and this definitely wasn't how he imagined his night going. Hux had tried to get him to go out after work, and he'd said no, because the ginger irritant was a terrible drinking buddy.

@Reylo4President Is drinking with a raccoon any better?

Yes, Ben decided as he looked at the raccoon and mentally compared it to Hux. It is.

As if reading his thoughts, the raccoon grins and snuggles deeper into the blankets.

@Reylo4President An hour later, Ben is solidly drunk. What's more, he thinks he lies this raccoon. "You're a great listener," he slurs. He's told her his whole life story, from his lonely childhood to his brief stint in the College Fascist Society, and she's never once seemed bored.

@Reylo4President "How'd you get here, anyway?" he asks, head lolling on his pillow. At some point he stretched out his legs, no longer worried about the raccoon biting him. Now she's cuddled up against them, his own furry little space heater.

@Reylo4President Her eyes widen, and she pops up and begins a series of elaborate gestures that don't make much sense to Ben. She's doing an impression, he thinks, and for some reason it makes him think of a cranky old wizard.

"Magic spell, huh?"

The raccoon nods eagerly.

@Reylo4President "I hope you don't expect true love's kiss to turn you back." He chuckles at his own joke. "Sounds unsanitary."

Her bright eyes dull, her shoulders slump, and her tail droops. She turns her back on him and curls up on herself, paws wrapped around her arms.

@Reylo4President "Shit," Ben says, struggling to sit upright. He's offended his new raccoon friend. "Sorry. Just... we're different species, ya know? It just wouldn't work out."

She huffs and curls up tighter.

@Reylo4President "Look," he says, trying to salvage this. "It's not like I kiss anyone else, either. I'm not... it's not you, it's me. Well, maybe it's you. A bit. Since you're, you know, a rodent."

The alcohol is not doing him any favors.

@Reylo4President *A Procyonid* a little voice says in his head, practically screaming. *Are you always this shite a listener?*

He shakes his head, trying to clear the haze. "Whuh?"
Is he imagining this, or is he actually losing his mind?

@Reylo4President *Sod off,* the little voice says. *You're just like the rest of them, after all.*

The raccoon curls up so tight, her tail covers her eyes. It's like she can't even stand to look at him.

@Reylo4President Ben can't bear it.

"No," he slurs. His eyes are swimming from the alcohol, and he's so exhausted he might collapse at any moment, but he struggles to stay awake for her. "It's not like that. Please, look at me."

@Reylo4President The raccoon shakes her head.

"Come on," he says, crawling over the sheets to collapse next to her. His feet are jammed up against the headboard, but that doesn't matter. All that matters is soothing her. "You're my only friend," he says sadly.

@Reylo4President She peeks up over her tail at that. Again, he's struck by how bright and intelligent her hazel eyes are.

"If I believed in fairy tales," he mumbles, eyes drooping with each word, "I'd hope you were a princess in disguise. My one true love, someone I could save with a kiss."

@Reylo4President He laughs bitterly. "But I don't believe in fairy tales. Or at least, they don't believe in me." He closes his eyes as a familiar pain lodges in his chest, like shards of glass embedded in his heart. "You're better off with your own kind, little one."

@Reylo4President The bed shifts, and he opens his eyes to find her standing over him, wet nose mere inches from his cheek. He should be afraid of her, but he isn't.

"Besides," he says, "isn't the rule that the beautiful one has to kiss the monster to turn them back?"

@Reylo4President She cocks her head, eyes glinting as she studies him.

"I'm hardly beautiful or pure in heart," Ben says. "In fact, in any decent fairy tale, I'd be the monster. And let's be honest... no one really wants to kiss a monster." He sighs. "Some of us are better left alone."

@Reylo4President She huffs, and a warm rush of air passes over his face. *You idiot,* he thinks he hears.

Then she leans in and licks him right on the lips.

@Reylo4President Ben jolts upright. "What are you doing?" he demands, wiping raccoon spit off his mouth. "You eat garbage with that tongue!"

She doesn't seem offended, though. Instead, she stares at him expectantly. Ben has the strange sense she's waiting for something to happen.

@Reylo4President He rolls his eyes. "All right, fine," he says. "I guess it's too late." He leans over and presses a kiss to the raccoons snout, just over its bristly whiskers. "There. True love's kiss."

The raccoon chitters excitedly and runs in circles.

@Reylo4President Ben watches her with a smile on his face. Sleepiness is overtaking him, though, so he crawls back up to put his head on the pillow. When he tugs the sheet over him, the raccoon burrows under it, settling in at his side.

"Fine," Ben says. "I hope you don't snore."

@Reylo4President He falls asleep with the raccoon's soft, warm body cuddled against him, their chests rising and falling in tandem.

@Reylo4President Consciousness returns slowly. He becomes aware of the world in pieces: the soft cotton under his cheek, the fall of sunlight on his bare shoulder, the warm body lying next to him. He wraps his arm around her and nuzzles closer, his nose brushing soft skin and softer hair.

@Reylo4President He's never woken up with a woman in his arms before, and his sleep-muddled brain likes it. She's soft and small and gently curved, and she smells nice. In the fuzzy moment between sleep and waking, it makes perfect sense that she's here.

@Reylo4President Without opening his eyes, he recognizes her. His other half. His missing puzzle piece.

"Good morning," he murmurs sleepily.

In response, she chitters.

@Reylo4President Ben sits bolt upright. His eyes fly open. Lying next to him is...

...a beautiful woman?

She has brown hair, golden freckles, and the prettiest hazel eyes he's ever seen. As he watches, her cheeks flush pink in the morning light.

@Reylo4President "Sorry," she says, then clears her throat. "I've been in that form too long."

"Uhhhhh," Ben says eloquently.

She pushes upright, and the sheet falls, revealing that she's topless. Ben gulps at the sight of her small, perfectly rounded breasts.

@Reylo4President He closes his eyes, not wanting to be rude. "Um, I'm sorry to offend you, but... I don't remember getting in bed with you?" His eyes fly open again as a thought hits him. "Oh, God, did we have sex?"

He sure fucking hopes not. He wants to remember losing his virginity.

@Reylo4President She laughs, and when she shakes her head, Fruit Loops fall out of her hair. "No," she says, "we didn't have sex. Firstly, you were too drunk, and secondly, I was a raccoon."

@Reylo4President The memories come back to him all at once. The noise in the middle of the night, finding the cereal thief, how he formed a friendship with the rodent...

"Procyonid," he says out loud.

She beams at him. "You remembered!"

@Reylo4President He can see the resemblance now. Her face is finely-boned and elegant, and her eyeliner is badly smudged. She's wearing the same three buns he found so odd on the raccoon. In her human form, they're charming.

"You're beautiful," he says.

@Reylo4President Her smile is radiant. "So are you." She reaches up and cups his cheek. "Not a monster at all."

He swallows hard, then covers her hand with his. "I can't believe this is real. What... what happened to you?"

@Reylo4President Over the next hour, he learns that her name is Rey and that she was studying magic with a bitter old wizard named Luke. Frustrated by his pupil's desire for human connection, Luke cursed her to wander the earth in raccoon form, forever searching for her one true love.

@Reylo4President "How long have you been searching?" Ben asks.

"I don't know." She makes a face. "But I ate a lot of garbage."

The thought of his gorgeous... whatever she is... scavenging for food is too much to bear. Ben scoots out of bed and stands up. "I'm making you pancakes," he announces.

@Reylo4President She still eats like a raccoon, grabbing the pancake in both hands and nibbling at its edges, and it's the cutest thing Ben's ever seen. He got her a bathrobe, too, and she's so small she's practically swimming in the fabric.

He likes seeing her in his clothes, eating his food.

@Reylo4President By the time she finishes snarfing down the pancakes, Ben is in love with her. Rey is funny and pretty and smart, and despite the bad hand she was dealt, her innate optimism still shines.

She reaches out and grabs his hand with her syrup-sticky one. "I love you," she says.

@Reylo4President "I love you, too."

It makes no sense - they've known each other for less than twelve hours, and for most of that she had fangs and a tail - but some part of his soul recognizes a matching part in hers. They was always meant to be together.

@Reylo4President Rey stands abruptly, although she doesn't release his hand. She tugs on it, pulling him towards the bedroom. "Being a raccoon has made for quite a sexual drought," she says. "Mind fixing that for me, too?"

@Reylo4President "Hell yes," Ben says, tripping eagerly after her. "Whatever you want. Everything you want. Wherever you want."

She laughs, high and squeaking, as he picks her up and drops her on the bed. "It goes both ways, darling," she says, beaming up at him. "What do you want?"

@Reylo4President He brushes a stray lock of hair out of her eyes. "You," he says. "Just you."

Later, as his body moves over hers and she moans under him, Ben decides he's the luckiest man in the world. All those years spent alone no longer bother him. He was just waiting for this. For her.

@Reylo4President They cuddle together afterwards, limbs entwined, and it's much easier than snuggling a raccoon.

"Can I get you anything?" Ben asks, pressing his mouth against her hair. "Water?"

She hums happily. "That sounds great. And then... any chance you can buy some more Fruit Loops?"

@Reylo4President He does, and then they live happily ever after.

~THE END~

@Reylo4President LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL ART @theriseofswolo made!!!!!!!! 😍😍😍😍😍

https://twitter.com/theriseofswolo/status/1232434942522478592