,
14 tweets,
2 min read
Read on Twitter
The Hannan Method for moving home:
1. Notice your house needs a bit of repair. Declare that instead of fixing it you're going to move home.
1. Notice your house needs a bit of repair. Declare that instead of fixing it you're going to move home.
2. Tell all your family you've found a wonderful new home for them.
3. Be rude to your neighbours, y'know, just because.
3. Be rude to your neighbours, y'know, just because.
4. Start pouring petrol over your furniture.
5. When your family ask what you're doing, tell them not to worry: nobody is talking about setting fire to the house.
6. Set fire to your house.
7. Demand your neighbours help rescue your possessions from your burning house.
8. Get cross when they worry about saving their own houses first.
9. Tell your family to stop complaining about the fire, because they'd all agreed to burn down the house.
10. When the fire brigade arrive, prevent them from putting out the fire.
11. Be rude to the neighbours again because, y'know, because.
11. Be rude to the neighbours again because, y'know, because.
12. As your roof caves in, demand your neighbours give you the exact same shelter you previously had.
13. When they say no, be rude to your neighbours again, because they need to give you shelter much more than you need shelter.
14. Rescue a few pieces of charred furniture. Declare it as a victory.
15. Stand on the pavement, admiring the wreckage of your house.
16. Realise all your money was inside the house.
16. Realise all your money was inside the house.
17. Tell your family to stop complaining, because after all they did agree to burn all the money.
18. Start looking for a new home.
18. Start looking for a new home.
