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S.H. Marr @SH_Marr_Writes
, 12 tweets, 2 min read Read on Twitter
I think it's time for a thread on Romantic Attraction and a Romantic Drive: What's Even the Difference?
Simply put, you can define romantic attraction as "The desire for romance and/or a romantic relationship with someone," but that definition is pretty unhelpful when you can't quite figure out what "romance" is.
A romantic drive is the equivalent of a libido: the part of you that wants romance.

A lot of people conflate aromanticism, or with "no romantic drive." But that's not accurate. Attraction is about who you want to romance with.
Aromantic people don't have a specific person they want to have a romance with (or, as with gray ace, rarely or only under specific circumstances).

But what the hell is "romance" anyway?
There are certain things you can say without question are sexual (like, well, sexual intercourse).

But romance? You can do "dinner and a movie" with a platonic friend. You can get married for tax reasons, Green Card reasons, political reasons, lots of reasons. Not just "Romance"
I tend to think of romance as intent, but plenty of other aro people may have specific acts they're uninterested in, or the emotional aspect of "romantic love."

SOME. Not all.
Because, getting back to romantic drive here, aro people can crave a romantic relationship without attraction to someone!

Hey, why not? Dating can be fun, even if there is a specific person and go, "Yes, I want to do the fun-dating-things with you, specifically."
(Not that aro, or ace, for that matter, people don't have standards. This is about attraction: the thing that makes you think of someone and want those things, instead of wanting those things and picking a person. It tends to go the opposite way around)
People tend to conflate romantic attraction and romantic drive a lot, because we have a much easier time conceptualizing sexual desire without a specific target than romantic desire without a specific target.
There's a word for a sex drive: libido.

As far as I'm aware, there is no (English) word for a romance drive.
Nevertheless, the concept DOES exist: consider little kids who grow up dreaming of their wedding without having a single clue or image of who the person on the other side of the altar will be.

That's the purest form of romantic desire without romantic attraction I can think of.
If this thread helped you, I appreciate all tokens of support, including monetary ones. This did take me a while to put together:

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A lot of times, managers push people to work nonstop not realizing that by doing that, they're making people be... 👇
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