Thread by @squidlarkin

if you're a straight man and the statement "trans women are women" makes you uncomfortable, this thread is for you.

this won't be easy. please hear me out. lives are at stake.

I want to preface this by saying that I'm not writing this for my sake. I'm queer af. if I never hook up with another cis dude in my life I won't lose any sleep over it

not all trans women are so lucky. some of us are straight. you can't control who you're attracted to

and on that note: trans women are women. straight men are attracted to women. ergo, straight men are attracted to trans women.

stay with me here.

obviously you're not attracted to all trans women. you've probably seen a trans woman and thought "that's a dude in a dress. I'm not into that"

but you aren't attracted to all cis women you see either. there are all kinds of women out there

and I PROMISE you that no matter what your type is, there are trans women in the world who are exactly to your taste.

remember, I'm hella into girls myself. I know what I'm talking about. there are some total babes among us

so when you meet such a woman, you're gonna feel things. it's only natural.

and there might be things about her that still clue you in that she's trans. or there might not. some of us pass extremely well. some cis women "look trans". you can't always tell.

this isn't deception. we aren't "traps". we transition to look like women because that's what we are. a lot of us are taking estrogen and it physically changes us, we are literally biologically female at the cellular level, and it shows.

but this is all making you uncomfortable. you don't want to be attracted to us. why?

because you feel that it threatens your masculinity.

all your life, you've been taught that men act a certain way. and it's extremely important to conform to that. because if you step out of line, you get punished.

if you seem weak, or soft, or sensitive, or emotional, or - god forbid - GAY, you're less of a man for it

it's not healthy. it's not sustainable. men are held to these impossible standards and it makes you suppress parts of yourself that are necessary to being a well-rounded person

it's why so many men end up hostile, misogynistic, or violent

this is what "toxic masculinity" means. it's not the fault of the men, it's the fault of the culture, and it hurts everyone

and keeping up the act requires immense pressure

masculinity isn't fragile like a delicate vase, it's fragile like the tension of a mousetrap spring

so it goes like this, time after time

a man wants a woman

and things are getting hot

and he finds out she's trans

and his conditioning says - this is wrong, this is not allowed

and he SNAPS

and someone dies.

and you might think, well, that's why it's so important to disclose. if he'd known she was trans in the first place, this wouldn't have happened.

but the trap was set as soon as he was interested. she had no way of knowing if it would be safe to tell him.

and even if he seemed dangerous, there may not have been an escape route. women get killed for rejecting men, too.

guys, this is so fucking scary for women. ALL women. you have no idea.

you might think it makes a difference whether the woman in question still has a penis. you'd be wrong. post-op trans women get killed this way too.

but now that I've made the stakes clear, we can talk about the genital thing, sure

if you're into women, you're into women. if you're not into guys, you might have an aversion to dick.

some women have dicks. that might be a turnoff for you. but it doesn't make you not attracted. it makes you attracted and repulsed at the same time. that conflict is dangerous.

if the idea grosses you out so much that you can see yourself hurting someone in the heat of the moment, YOU are the one who should be disclosing that.

you have no business dating anyone who you might end up attacking.

go ahead and ask all your dates about their junk beforehand

"but won't I get labelled as transphobic if I do that?" yes. because you are.

but at least you'd be honest about it.

it's better to be a transphobe than a murderer.

seriously, people get called transphobic for their dating preferences all the time, but YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE TRANSPHOBIC

this is your sex life we're talking about. consent is everything. you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with

fellow trans folks, I'm talking to you here too. call out transphobia where you see it, but then back the fuck off. let them deal with it.

both sides keep doubling down in these conversations and it's giving people the wrong idea

now, if you're into a girl but you're not into her dick, but you want to make it work, that is a whole different conversation.

with enough patience and communication, you can get over this hangup. you can learn to appreciate her as the woman she is, in her entirety

there is nothing gay about this.

there's also nothing wrong with being gay. or being not entirely straight. or not entirely male or female. rigid categories are oppressive. but I'm distracting myself here

my point is that trans women are women. and women are great.

oh, and if you think none of this applies to you because you personally wouldn't get violent, that you can say whatever you want about us: remember that other men are listening

if your buddy kills someone because he's afraid of what you might think, the blood's on your hands too

we all have to work together to fix this. our words shape our reality. we can't keep tolerating toxic ideas. we need to get better.

thanks for listening.

I hate to add on to this, but by popular demand, here's a bit more clarification. if trans women weren't demonized and seen as predators by default, this wouldn't be necessary. but here we are.

but so many of you ARE listening. thanks so much for that ❤

External Tweet loading...
If nothing shows, it may have been deleted
by @squidlarkin view original on Twitter