It was a time of much hilarity and nerd dominance.
As the years went by, and the likes of 3DFX, Adlib, Quarterdeck, Zortech etc started catering to gaming, most of us found new ways to cultivate previously underdeveloped brain cells.
I remember wreaking havoc with .bat files containing commands to get a game to run within EMM386 address space.
Compared to the likes of Linux (and any variation), it's complete and utter shit.
But it's what we have.
"Fuck it. We're going to keep all this legacy shit. And add more shit on top of it. Done!"
Then some people got fired or left.
And the poor saps left behind, just went along with it anyway. Because we all have mortgages to pay.
Then they all fucked off and went on vacation.
Aside from going to through hoops just to install the damn thing.
And we're stuck with it because we're too far gone for any corp or team to even consider an alternate OS.
If ain't broke, you're fine, just break it some more while you're at it. What are they gonna do? Switch to Linux? Fucking lol!
The brain trust over at Microsoft, have unleashed the latest torture trope that is Windows 10 Build 1803.
It's an absolute mess.
I'm not even joking.
Seriously, it's mind boggling to me that they signed off on this bs.
Then all of a sudden he lost access to a server which I can only assume hosted his cat videos.
That's how mad he was.
What happened to text messaging?
This is why we can't have nice things. I don't even know my own mobile phone number any more.
So after much back and forth on the phone, during which 1803 roll back FAILED and bricked his machine, I decided to get to the bottom of it.
I did the scariest thing.
I went outside, got in my car, and drove over there.
I brought garlic and a crucifix.
Windows error code:
0X80070035
I wish I was joking.
If you are one of those people with this specific 1803 error, here is how I fixed it. Yes, you will find versions of this all over the Internet, but NONE of them will work without these EXACT steps.
Lets go...
Your machine is hosed and you can't get to the desktop.
You're not getting around this.
Download the Windows Media Creation Tool and copy to a USB flash drive.
microsoft.com/en-us/software…
You're not really "upgrading" in this case, instead, you're re-installing Windows on top of itself, while preserving your data.
tenforums.com/tutorials/1639…
And Windows 10 error code 0X80070035 will still be a thing.
Disregard that for now. We're going to fix that.
"FYI, we're going to fuck your network. Here's why. Have a nice day"
support.microsoft.com/en-us/help/403…
Yes, it's pure bs. That's a DIFFERENT issue.
Function Discovery Resource Publication
Function Discovery Provider Host
Enabling them will NOT fix the problem.
Yeah, I probably should have written a blog. Oh well, moving along...
Your printer, NAS, IOT sex toy, blow dryer or anything using it, will just disappear.
HKLM\SYSTEM\CurrentControlSet\Services\LanmanServer
HKLM\SYSTEM\CurrentControlSet\Services\Browser
- restored Windows to 1803
- discovered that your network is still hosed
- still mad
Reboot.
Go get some garlic from the fridge.
If you DO use static IP addresses, like you know, real men who live on the edge where common sense meets the darkness that is ignorance, then you have to restore them.
If not, set them as such, then restart them. No need to reboot. Don't waste your time on that.
Function Discovery Provider Host
Function Discovery Resource Publication
TCP/IP NetBIOS Helper
UPnP Device Host
In the advanced network sharing tab, make sure:
PRIVATE NETWORKS:
network discovery & file sharing are ON
ALL NETWORKS
File sharing is 128-bit & password protected sharing is ON (ignore those guys, LEAVE IT ALONE!)
LOL!! Yeah, I know.
Yeah, I know. Here's the thing: the Windows devs know this has been broken for MONTHS because some of us REPORTED it.
What you need to do is select a drive on ALL of the network machines, and share them.
You're about to start shouting because the next bs is about to unwind in real time.
LOL!! Yeah, I know.
Run (WIN+R) this command on all the machines:
control userpasswords2
Then lol if you notice that your Windows ID account is a pleb - on a machine you THOUGHT you had full admin rights on.
Welcome to Windows.
But...
That appears to be broken too.
Instead, in the ADVANCED sharing option, select FIND NOW and then troll through the list, find and select your user account.
Sharing->Advanced Sharing->Permissions->Add->Advanced->Find Now
But remember, SMB1 is still disabled. So no broadcasting of legacy clients.
We'll get to that.
Yes, they broke that too.
But you don't need it. This was just an FYI.
First, it has a massive security hole. But instead of fixing, the powers that be decided they would just deprecate it, thus rendering MILLIONS of legacy devices useless across a network.
I shit you not. That was the answer to the problem.
Yeah, I know.
But, it's still in the Windows distribution files.
So you have to go to control panel-> add/remove programs->windows features, then install SMB1 support.
Reboot.
On the Windows machines, go to this registry location and change the MaintainServerList key value to Auto
HKLM\CurrentControlSet\Services\Browser\Parameters
Reboot.
In legacy Synology CS407 which my friend has, and which ONLY supports SMB1, it's in Control Panel->Win/Mac/NFS page
No need to reboot. That's the beauty of an OS that's not Windows
NOTE: Some NAS now allow you to set the minimum SMB level which they support. So you can disable SMB1 if you want.
Now if you go to Network applet, lo and behold, All your devices, including legacy SMB1 clients, will appear.
As long as its online, the NAS is your network client browser
Control Panel->User Accounts->Manage Your Credentials->Windows Credentials
There you can add the credentials for your NAS so you can access them automatically, and have access to its shares
At best, NDS on Windows is hilariously minimal.
Not even joking.
docs.microsoft.com/en-us/windows-…
And they don't even tell you that in their own docs. Nor show you how to do it.
Use the undocumented umount command
mount -u:nerdbro \\CS407\volume1\anime X:
can be dismounted using
umount -f -a
You know SMB1 is bad.
So MS took it away, while breaking a slew of networking components.
But since you're NEVER going to get your device manufacturer (who just wants to sell you a new unit) to support SMB2/3, you have to make a decision.
- SMB1 is gone. All your network devices are now orphans
- You can enable SMB1 at your own risk
- It won't fix error 0X80070035 because the issue has NOTHING to do with SMB1
- reset your network adapter settings
- check your user account permissions
- create a least one share on all the machines, using your admin account credentials
- check that your WindowsID account does in fact have admin rights (UAC is still bs)
* Computer Browser (will ONLY appear if you enabled SMB1)
* Function Discovery Provider Host
* Function Discovery Resource Publication
* TCP/IP NetBIOS Helper
* UPnP Device Host
Calms your nerves with a stiff drink, throw in a joint if you're into that sort of thing, and do an in-place upgrade (that's a misnomer)
tenforums.com/tutorials/1639…
It's cheap.
It can do files/folder backups, as well as imaging. Both full, differential, and incremental
It just works.
I've used it since before I grew hairs in places I didn't know hair could grow.
knowledgebase.macrium.com
You can also access ANY image by mapping it as a drive.
I'm telling you, it's alchemy.
And the tech support is amazing.
I used the Macrium incremental backup from 3am the morning prior, to restore the machine. All of 10 mins.
20 mins later, 1803 told me that restore failed because it couldn't access a file.
I ran sfc /scannow. No errors
I ran dism.exe /online /cleanup-image /restorehealth no errors.
So Macrium it was. And it didn't fail.
1803 hosed the Registered Applications entry.
So if you go to Apps/Default Apps/Set Defaults By App, Windows that applet will crash.
It's got nothing to do with a particular app.
HKLM\SOFTWARE\RegisteredApplications
And you will NEVER find out which program is failing, unless you
- remove one
- reboot
- repeat
So I hosed the whole thing. It was the only way to be sure.
I checked each one to see which looked suspicious.
I spotted 3 of them, fixed them manually.
One less 1803 problem.
For more 1803 anecdotes and exhibitions of aggro, go to the URL below. Those guys are doing God's work - even if they're just turning some hapless people to lepers.
windowscentral.com/windows-10-apr…
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