Thread by @jfwong

How many narcissistic, ego-fueled, sociopathic men have we had to endure in 2018 alone? How many instants of abuse, racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia?

You know what it feels like? It's a LANDSLIDE, but we're stuck here trying to grab individual rocks and toss them out. x/

We have a problem with celebrity, ego, & narcissism in our world. It makes sense that the entertainment business is where we've seen it the most - it's front facing and fuels tons of gossip and rumors.

But this issue is widespread. Turns out it's dominant in our politics too.

And let's just get it out there - I hate dancing around this because of the ironic backlash I get each time I say it:

Men.

Men are at the front of this problem. Men are proliferating it. Men are causing it. Men are killing because of it. The WHY is a bit more complicated.

Today @skydart posted a haunting truth about Chris Hardwick, who I respected and admired for years as a fellow host. I saw him as someone to model my career after, being well spoken, good at his job, and a conduit for fans into new worlds. Today, I now see a much harsher truth.

Celebritydom and influence corrupt people, turn them into monsters, and we're not doing enough to keep our heroes and idols human. The abuse & terror they cause is tearing us apart. It's not just physical; the elephant in the room is how much of it is emotional and mental abuse.

We hear "abuse" and we tend to think, "oh he hit her" or "rape" or "physically assaulted". But abuse isn't just the sharp end of a stick, it's the entire damn log. Chloe's story on Chris Hardwick is a CLEAR cut example of how SINISTER and DEEP emotional abuse can be.

I know many women who have suffered years of emotional abuse from celebrities. Men who used their power to silence, control, and manipulate their significant others to fit their needs and wishes. Men who reduced others to sub-human levels out of paranoia, ego, and narcissism.

And it's not just women who are necessarily the victims here, but they certainly are the vast majority. This is a male dominated world through and through. Men are so much more often in positions of power and in the right environment to let them get away with this over and over.

Look at what happened when Jeffrey Tambor was in the same room as someone he verbally abused on set - she cried, believed she owed HIM an apology, and every celeb male in the room ran to protect HIM. That's a microcosm example of what happens at large in the industry.

People. Protect. Abusers. ALL the time. It happens when HR tells someone to quietly "forget it ever happened" because it'd be too troublesome to address the guilty party. It's just EASIER to shut up the person who doesn't have all the power and influence. This is bullshit.

If you have ever been silenced, shut down, or witnessed an abusive person in power be protected because of their status or any other reason, I ask you to please speak up. Let's amplify these voices, hear their stories, and learn just how widespread this protection is.

Another way that abusers get protected, and this I've spoken at length about, are fandoms that are so rabid or obsessed that they will always believe their idols over the people accusing them. This list goes on, and on, and on. Their love of their idol supercedes any wrongdoing.

Not only do these fandoms blindly protect their idols, but the most toxic among them will also attack, harass, and go after the abused victims. Their allegiance stretches to an entirely different level. I've seen it happen so many times with YouTubers, celebrities, and more.

There is just so much to unpack here. The thing that I want to really highlight above all else today is that abusers and toxic men are too often protected. And they will go to extreme lengths to protect themselves, sometimes using their power to abuse and manipulate others.

Harvey Weinstein literally hired a small army of spies to stop the truth from coming out. That's at the tippity top of these awful people. But don't forget how pervasive it is when we hear about the every day stories and relationships that are seemingly ok on the outside.

Chloe's story is an example of just how innocuous and unapparent emotional abuse is - eg: she wasn't allowed to go out at nights - to someone observing, it can be seen as normal behavior. When you learn how controlling it was from her boyfriend, it shows its true self.

All these rules and demands add up to something far more nefarious than just an over protective boyfriend. It's pressure. It's manipulation. It's paranoia. It's emotional abuse.

Learn from the stories of the women who are telling them. Don't let what's on the surface trick you.

This kind of emotional abuse happens at every level in society, not just the upper echelons of celebrity. It could be your boss at work, your employee, your parents, your siblings. Recognize it and call it out. Find support. Tell others and be open to being helped as well.

The fragile and paranoid egos of the men at the top of influence is just a signpost on something that is pervasive through all of male culture. We are not in touch with our emotions or others. We harden ourselves, and we're afraid of being weak. Look at the damage it's caused.

I refuse to let this behavior continue. I don't want to pick out one person at a time and try to kill it with a death by a thousand cuts. I want to pick up the entire thing, uproot it, and body slam it into a cauldron of fire. It will take time, and it will take a LOT of effort.

WE DON'T NEED any more gunmen slaughtering school kids in retribution for a girl rejecting them. We don't need emotionally abusive boyfriends, controlling and manipulative. We don't need celebrities or those in power to keep getting away with abusing and threatening women.

WE NEED to change the way we raise men in society. WE NEED to change how we view what makes someone strong. WE NEED to create a better world where emotional maturity is just as important, if not more so.

Enough is enough. 2018 is a turning point. Let's make it one together.

And scream "witch hunt" or "mob mentality" all you want, but the truth of the matter is we are in a period of turmoil, and if you're going to be so precious about one person's career being 'ruined' when this problem is endemic and so widespread, you can seriously fuck right off.

I could literally keep going about this forever, but I have to find a place to stop eventually. I'll leave it with this:

Listen to our victims. Talk to each other. Work with each other. Don't let abuse keep happening. Recognize it in all realms.

Fight for a better world. <3

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