Thread by @squidlarkin

thinking about how worried I was that no one would find me attractive as a trans woman in her mid-to-late 30s

and that now I'm more desirable than ever before, I don't have time to date everyone I'd like to, and I'm only getting hotter

follow your dreams, kids (and non-kids)

"why are trans women so conceited and obsessed with their appearances" because society has been telling us all our lives that we're repulsive and unlovable. and it's all lies, and we need to set the record straight, so deal with it

you might think that my recently increased dating prospects are really a result of having a readymade community that accepts me for who I am, and it's true, I do have that. in addition to people just generally finding me more attractive across the board. it's great

because I've always given off kind of a girly vibe, so I could only date people who were comfortable with that coming from an alleged dude

now you don't have to like men to be into me, and I'm SO much more confident on top of that

and prettier. and better dressed. and softer

(as an aside, I think we do need to be more careful with the cotton ceiling rhetoric. "try it, you might like it" is not gonna win us any points with lesbians who aren't convinced we're not men. save it for the ones who are already trying to get over their transphobia)

but yeah trans women are hot as hell and if anyone wants to exclude us from their dating pool, it's their loss. I'm doing fine

this thread kind of implies that transitioning WILL improve your dating prospects, and that's probably a bit irresponsible of me. so I'd like to address that by going on a tangent full of assumptions and generalizations

some people have trouble dating after transition, especially (unsurprisingly) in the awkward early phase, and especially in the all-too-common case where they just got out of a long-term relationship, which can be a hard time for anyone, even cis people

but I think there are also people who dated fairly successfully while passing convincingly as their assigned sex. because they succeeded in building up an attractive persona

and the trouble is, that persona wasn't real

(I'm hemming and hawing here because I'm not talking from experience, but from observation. my own transition was gradual and deliberate. I sidestepped the trauma of shattering my mask by slowly chipping it away)

so in those cases it's only natural that you'd have trouble dating, because the way you approached it was a part of the role you were playing. and now you need to figure out your new role, while you're still figuring out who you even really are

which is a hell of a process to undergo, especially while going through second puberty and trying to accept yourself in your shiny new yet heavily stigmatized and misunderstood identity. so uh, be patient, I guess

and I won't say "you need to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else" because that is absolute horseshit, everyone is deserving of love, and my heart goes out to anyone who ends up going through this alone

but the good news is, when you do find someone, they'll love YOU, and not your facade

your previous relationships may have been wonderful, but there was always something in the way, and it's gone now

and chances are you probably had a lot of other psychological issues to work through too, and now that the big one's out of the way you can work on those, and heal, and grow

in tarot and in dreams, death is the symbol for change. there's a reason for that. moving forward means leaving things behind. it's traumatic, and it's worth it

lololol what even is this thread now, I hope none of you were expecting tonal consistency when you followed me