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Godman Akinlabi @PGeeman
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1. Hello and welcome! It’s episode 211 of #MrMrsBetterHalf. Mr. & Mrs. Better Half is designed to strengthen marriages & relationships that will lead to marriage, with wisdom from God's Word.
2. If you missed the last episode, we discussed the topic- “I’m interested in 2 ladies. I don’t want to lead them on but the problem is that they are both great and I can’t choose. What do I do?” If you missed it, get it here #MrMrsBetterHalf.
3. This week’s episode is a situation a single person is facing. “My relationships have a one-month cycle. Something always happens to mess them up. What am I doing wrong?” #MrMrsBetterHalf
4. First of all, I applaud you for taking ownership of the problem. Many people would immediately assume that diabolical forces were in play or that it is the other party’s fault. It’s mature of you to look inward rather than outward. #MrMrsBetterHalf
5. Quite a few singles have come to me with this situation and one thing was common amongst them- they felt the relationship was going relatively well and were taken aback when the other person went cold or broke up with them. #MrMrsBetterHalf
6. The other thing was that though they were not lacking attention/dates, they could not sustain their partner’s attention beyond a certain period of time- in this case, one month. So they were experiencing cycles of disappointments. #MrMrsBetterHalf
7. Now since this is a cycle it’s clear something is wrong. There is a constant in or around your life that you need to identify and alter so that you can have a different result. Nothing changes until you change it. #MrMrsBetterHalf
8. Many times, people go through the same activities day after day, meeting the same kinds of people, doing the same kinds of things but expecting different results. That’s silly. If you want a change in outcome, you have to break your routine. #MrMrsBetterHalf
9. So what is that wrong element causing this cycle of breakups? Is something wrong with you? Is something wrong with how you portray yourself? Is something wrong with your concept of how relationships work? #MrMrsBetterHalf
10. Today we are going to do 3 things. (a) Look inwards (b) Check your understanding of relationships. (c) Look outward First let’s look inwards. This is probably the toughest step to take. #MrMrsBetterHalf
11. Sometimes we lie to ourselves. In fact, sometimes it’s the people closest to us that lie to us in order to spare our feelings. When last did someone have a moment of truth with you and confront you about your weaknesses? #MrMrsBetterHalf
12. When last did someone who knows you say, ‘you need to control your temper, be less bossy, be more tidy, get in shape, be less whiny, nag less, be kinder, educate yourself more, show more compassion, be less selfish’ etc. #MrMrsBetterHalf
13. Everybody is a work in progress. Nobody is perfect. If everyone keeps saying, ‘you’re fine; nothing is wrong with you’ you should be a bit worried because it means nobody around you is willing to tell you the truth even when its hard. #MrMrsBetterHalf
14. Did you ask the people who you were dating what went wrong? Sometimes if you’re fortunate- they will tell you what caused them to bolt. As painful as it may be to get negative feedback, you need it to attain success. #MrMrsBetterHalf
15. If you didn’t get feedback from your dates, what recurring feedback do you get from those who know you? Can you act on those things to improve yourself? Remember: to achieve a different result you must change your formula. #MrMrsBetterHalf
16. Please note that improving yourself doesn’t mean you change who you are. There’s a difference between your personality and your behaviour. You can change behaviour, not personality. #MrMrsBetterHalf
17. There are some weaknesses in your personality that are expressed in your behaviour. Those you can work on- but they don’t change the fact that you are who you are. For instance, as an extrovert, you may talk carelessly. #MrMrsBetterHalf
18. Now changing doesn’t mean you should muzzle yourself; changing means you need to be more careful about what you say and train yourself to be more sensitive or discerning. But do you stop being an extrovert? No! #MrMrsBetterHalf
19. Sometimes being introverted can mean you can be self-centred and don’t show people care or compassion. You don’t have to be noisy to show care- train yourself to reach out more to show kindness. #MrMrsBetterHalf
20. So while improving yourself, don’t pretend to be something you’re not because you think that’s what a husband/wife is looking for. For instance, why would you claim to be outgoing and extroverted when you’re not? #MrMrsBetterHalf
21. Or because someone you like is a fitness buff you say that you love running marathons when you know you hate to exercise? Don’t you think you will be discovered? You’re lucky the relationship even lasted a month! #MrMrsBetterHalf
22. Now some people are champion pretenders and keep pretending until they get married but when will they finally relax? You have to keep up the pretence for the rest of your life or face the music when your spouse discovers you’re a fraud. #MrMrsBetterHalf
23. Ditch the façade. Remember that even when you’re working on yourself you do so to become a better version of you, not an inferior imitation of someone else. Be yourself and the people you attract are more likely to hang around. #MrMrsBetterHalf
24. Now that’s not to say you are definitely to blame for the relationships that didn’t work; rather, it’s about stepping back to evaluate all possible triggers that are causing the undesirable outcome. Let’s look at something else. #MrMrsBetterHalf
25. (b) Check your understanding of relationships. Why are we so eager to have them? We have needs, we are lonely, we want love, we want a family, societal expectations, etc. But these things are primarily about self. Is there more to relationships? #MrMrsBetterHalf
26. Here are some big thoughts to consider. A relationship is not just about you settling down and having a mate and living the life you’ve dreamed of. Every relationship is a piece of a purpose puzzle. There’s a bigger picture. #MrMrsBetterHalf
27. Who you join with can either take you further away from purpose or take you closer to achieving purpose. Whose purpose? God’s purpose. God has a purpose for you and for your would-be spouse that is bigger than your own dreams. #MrMrsBetterHalf
28. Having purpose in mind immediately streamlines what you look for in a mate such that you will not date people and find out in a matter of weeks that their visions and yours do not align. #MrMrsBetterHalf
29. How do you think relationships should work? Some people try to move things along too soon. I know some men who are so desperate to get married that they want to be able to propose to a woman in a matter of weeks! #MrMrsBetterHalf
30. If I were the lady I would wonder what the rush is all about. I would seriously suspect that there might be something wrong with you that you are desperate to hide. Why else would you be rushing me to the altar? #MrMrsBetterHalf
31. This is the same for ladies. Sometimes in the bid to be a great girlfriend, you don’t give enough time to actually be friends. The fact that a guy is dating you doesn’t mean you reveal all your secrets to him. Is he worthy of it? #MrMrsBetterHalf
32. Bottom line- be clear on your purpose, do your research, take your time and realize that lasting relationships take time and effort to build. Don’t try to do too much too soon. #MrMrsBetterHalf
33. (c) Look outwards. Are you in the wrong place attracting the wrong people? Because sometimes your location affects who gravitate towards you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
34. You cannot surround yourself with apple trees but want to build an orange factory. You need to go where the oranges are. What kind of orchard are you in? What kind of orchard do you need to be in to pick the fruits you need for your big picture? #MrMrsBetterHalf
35. Let’s make this more practical. If you dream of stardom and riches, your ideal mate is unlikely to be in a convent. Likewise, if you see yourself being a missionary to the poor your ideal mate is unlikely to be in a club or pub. #MrMrsBetterHalf
36. You say you want an intellectual man/woman. Where are you going to find him/her? Do you attend business/networking events? Perhaps get a professional degree/certification where you will meet like-minded people. #MrMrsBetterHalf
37. So the big question is are you fishing in the right pond? Are you moving around in the right circles? You may need to jump ships to find another species of being to be around and associate with. #MrMrsBetterHalf
38. What I would like you to take away today is that you must be willing to make some changes if you want to break a cycle. Same input, same results. Different input, different results. I hope you experience success soon. #MrMrsBetterHalf
39. I hope this has been helpful. I will be back next week with another topic. If you have a question, feel free to send me a message and I will try to address it in subsequent episodes. #MrMrsBetterHalf
40. Till then, thank you for following, participating and RTing. May your marriages and relationships be sweet! #MrMrsBetterHalf
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