I have some feelings about writing what makes you happy—so, thread! About 1 yr ago, I had the pleasure of sharing a meal w/ two friends of my bf's parents. They're both artists, & so the conversation naturally steered toward the act of creating & living a creative life. 1/?
At the time, I was really struggling as a writer. I normally suffer periods of self-doubt, but nothing like this. I couldn't write, and what I did manage to write, I hated; I was paralyzed with anxiety over what project to work on, what was essentially "worth my time". 2/?
A few months before, I'd amicably parted ways with my agent. She had implied that my writing was niche (specifically a proposal I'd spent almost half a year working on, which I was passionate about), and whether she meant it or not, I interpreted that as "unsellable". 3/?
It was a blow. I'd already had bad luck on sub with my Weird Western, which was uneasy to define in terms of genre, and to be told that I was essentially writing myself into the same problem again with a brand new book. 4/?
This thread isn't about creative differences—in this business, it happens—so much as it is about how easy it is to internalize a bad critique, and let it become your narrative. I became paranoid that what I loved to write was unmarketable. Unsellable. A waste of time. 5/?
Every project I started, I quickly gave up on. The characters were too unlikable, the first chapter wasn't exciting enough, etc. Was this too niche? I kept asking myself, to which the answer always felt like yes. 6/?
So, that was where I was coming into that dinner. I confessed to feeling stuck, feeling like I was spinning my creative wheels, trapped in the muck of my own doubt. I had so many great ideas for stories, but none of the confidence to make it through the drafting stage. 7/?
Then one of the artists told me about a similar issue she'd had. She liked to paint pink paintings. However, when she went to try and sell her pink painting to a gallery, they turned her down. Pink paintings, they said, don't sell. 8/?
She painted those pink paintings anyway, because they made her happy. Because she loved them, and if she loved them, there was bound to be someone else out there who would love a pink painting, too. 9/?
She ended up giving me my personal mantra, the one I return to any time I start worrying too much about whether something is too niche, rather than focusing on whether it speaks to my heart.
She said, "If you want to paint pink paintings, paint pink paintings." 🎨
10/?
She said, "If you want to paint pink paintings, paint pink paintings." 🎨
10/?
Because here's the thing: more than likely, there *IS* someone out there who wants to read your odd little story, and anyway, it's okay if it ends up being just for you. Sometimes you're the one who needs to read the story you're writing. 11/?
I wish I could say that after that dinner, all my doubts vanished, & I never suffered another Bad Writer Day again. Haha, no. That's not how this works. BUT I did start writing again. I wrote all the things I'd been too afraid to try before, fearing judgment & failure. 12/?
I wrote flash fiction and short stories and poetry. Whatever made my soul sing. I embraced the kind of fiction I liked. And weirdly enough, I sold a lot of it, too! Turns out, people wanted my pink paintings. I just had to stop fearing the canvas, and start filling it up. 13/?
I have a new novel coming out next month—MAKE ME NO GRAVE—which is a book I never imagined would sell. Ever. It is the pinkest painting ever, y'all. A #weirdwest novel about an angry woman losing the fight against her inner demons, & the gentle lawman who seeks to understand her.
It's been my experience that just when I feel the most hopeless about my writing and career, a door or window opens, letting me breathe again. In the meantime, I just have to keep writing, keep holding to what I love. 15/?
Because no story is wasted time, especially if it gives you momentary respite from the world. You never know what'll end up finding a home/audience. Those things are often out of your control in this industry. What isn't is your ability to find joy in the process. 16/?
So, go on! Paint your pink paintings, my friends! I'll be here cheering you on. ❤️
17/17
17/17
