Thread by @MrJohnBates

Amid all the lovely #humblebrag posts in our timelines, think of the #LawStudents trying to decode the language used by referees in legal directories, to find out about firms/chambers and their lawyers... [1/n]

'wealth of experience' = [equity partner nearing retirement]

'massively improved its positioning' = [hired a marketing Svengali with directory contacts]

'Rising star' = [desperate for partnership, and will use this as ammunition]

'Friendly' = [unworried by a firm's time-recording system]

'Pro-active' = [charges for work in solving problems which haven't yet arisen]

'Engages in ADR' = [a convert to mediation after a swingeing adverse costs order and a client complaint]

'very sharp' = [abrasive to clients, opponents and colleagues]

'on top of all facts' = [obsessive, and somewhere on a diagnostic spectrum]

'always over-delivers' = [consistently underpromises services and underestimates bills]

'strategic' = [has mysteriously achieved partnership quickly]

'personable' = [can't think of anything else to add about this person]

'tenacious' = [knows way around firm's grievance procedure]

'puts clients at ease' =[has biscuits in the office, and tissues at court]

'ethical' = [oddly considers this a positive marketing point, rather than a 'given']

'uncompromising' = [likes trials and their impact on billing targets]

'widely recognised' = [has recently engaged in a local radio 'quirky' ad campaign]

'fiercely intellectual' = [lacking soft skills]

'goes the extra mile' = [loathed by clerks]

'beyond the call of duty' = [eternally regrets giving mobile number to *that* client]

'commercial' = [likes to be paid; loathes writing off costs]

'outgoing' = [will attend every social event]

'pragmatic' = [rarely looks at the law]

'quickly identifies strengths and weaknesses' = [refuses CFA work]

'ensures a quick turnaround' = [light on work]

'Next Generation Firm' = [venture capital, light on post-qualification experience]

'adept' = [slippery]

gives robust advice' = [instructed by solicitors who cannot face giving clients bad news]

'an imposing presence' = [difficult to share a post-court taxi with]

'analytical' = [costly]

'looks at problems from different perspectives' = [indecisive. See also 'overthinking snooker player']

'very good with vulnerable clients' = [shares limited vocabulary but can smile]

'has a diverse practice' = [new baby on way, will(cont)

(cont) do anything]

'tenacious advocate' = [despised by judges and ushers]

'superb on the papers' = [avoids court, pedantic about

instructions, will cry at nested emails] (cont)

'very good with vulnerable clients' = [shares limited vocabulary but can smile]

'has a diverse practice' = [new baby on way, will do anything]

'tenacious advocate' = [despised by judges and ushers]

'superb on the papers' = [avoids court, pedantic about instructions, been known to cry at nested emails]

'outstanding' = [slow to reply to emails but quick to bill]

[/ends]