Profile picture
, 18 tweets, 4 min read Read on Twitter
This is really, really funny. And after the last 2 yrs if we can't laugh (at something..) & start to focus on the future, we're in deeper than we thought! Apologies to Howard Schultz, it wasn't me....
#SundayMorning #BlueWave2020…
2-"Starbucks has developed a strategy to deal with customers’ questions about their former CEO’s aspirations to be the next president of the United States: The company has supplied employees with a script of various ways to end any and all discussion about Howard Schultz.-The Cut
3-"barista: What can I get you today? customer: One venti latte, please. Pause. customer: So what’s up with Schultz? He knows he’s going to give Trump a second term with this nonsense, right? barista: Howard’s future plans are up to him. customer: Like, if he thinks Democrats
4-"have swung too far left, why not just try to primary Trump as a Republican?
barista: Everyone is entitled to their political beliefs. customer: He’s going to destroy the goddam country! barista: That is every Starbucks C.E.O.’s right. barista: Welcome to Starbucks.
5-"customer: What’s this I hear about Schultz calling Medicare for All un-American? barista: We respect everyone’s opinion. customer: I mean, universal coverage is something F.D.R. talked about. Is that what Schultz is saying? That the guy who won the Second World War is
6-"un-American? barista: We value the legacies of all Presidents. Even the bearded ones from the eighteen-hundreds that all blend together. customer: Quit stonewalling me! barista: I’ve been nothing but forthright. Did you want to order anything? customer: I’m so mad I’m not sure
7-"that I can taste. barista: Try our Cinnamon Shortbread Frappuccino. It revitalizes taste buds that have been numbed by Schultz-induced rage. customer: Schultz-induced rage? You have a name for this? barista: We do. barista: Good morning. Would you like a coffee or are you just
8-"here to yell about Schultz? customer: Schultz. barista: Do you mind if I pop in my earbuds? customer: No, but it’s only going to make me talk louder. barista: I can live with that. barista: What can I get for you? customer: Grande coffee and a breakfast sandwich, please.
9-"barista: That’ll be six dollars and thirty-four cents. customer: How about Howard Schultz’s approval numbers? They’re really something. barista: Howard’s polling data is no one’s business but his own. customer: What were they, low single digits, across parties? But he’s still
10-"talking about running—like we’re all just here to fulfill his rich-white-guy fantasy. Hey, maybe he’s more like Trump than I thought! barista: Starbucks values all of its customers. customer: Huh? barista: Starbucks wants everyone to have the best possible experience.
11-"customer: Are you just repeating bland platitudes that you’ve been told to recite when people get mad about losing their democracy? barista: Starbucks was founded in 1971. barista: Welcome to Starbucks—and let me stop you right there. We’re a major company, and we’re unable
12-"to comment on the political ambitions of our former C.E.O. Furthermore, I’m a low-level cog in a global corporate machine, and even if my bosses had opinions on Howard Schultz’s potential campaign for the Presidency—which they don’t, because Starbucks will remain profitable
13-"regardless of who’s elected, I assure you—they wouldn’t tell me. If replacing me with a robot could save them five cents over the next decade, they would do it without a single thought for how I would stay warm or feed myself. customer: Where’s your bathroom?
14-"Barista points toward restroom with resigned ennui. barista: How can I help you? customer: An Americano and a croissant, please. barista: Of course. customer: So I was watching CNN yesterday— barista: Oh, no. customer: And I see this panel talking about your guy, Schultz—
15-"barista: Please, no. customer: And it made me think, Now, that’s the kind of man we need running America. barista: I—wait, what? customer: Yeah! Self-made billionaire. Hates government handouts. Not falling in line with either major party. If he runs, he’s got my vote.
16-"barista: . . . customer: Something the matter? barista: This is the worst day of my life. barista: Hello, what would you like? customer: A country where billionaire coffee magnates don’t destroy the political process to satisfy their own narcissism.
17-"barista: We don’t serve that and never have." ~River Clegg, The New Yorker
A. It's hard to read this piece in this format, but someone requested thread reader unroll it and they did..this is easier to read-enjoy!…
Missing some Tweet in this thread?
You can try to force a refresh.

Like this thread? Get email updates or save it to PDF!

Subscribe to Mona
Profile picture

Get real-time email alerts when new unrolls are available from this author!

This content may be removed anytime!

Twitter may remove this content at anytime, convert it as a PDF, save and print for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video

1) Follow Thread Reader App on Twitter so you can easily mention us!

2) Go to a Twitter thread (series of Tweets by the same owner) and mention us with a keyword "unroll" @threadreaderapp unroll

You can practice here first or read more on our help page!

Follow Us on Twitter!

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!

This site is made by just three indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3.00/month or $30.00/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Too expensive? Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal Become our Patreon

Thank you for your support!