Thread by @37paday

1/ Hello You There 👋

This is your Government here

2/ Now we had a referendum about the EU. You know the advisory NON- BINDING one riddled with breaches of electoral law and foreign interference. Well...

3/ Do you remember how our 2017 manifesto said:

“No deal is better than a bad deal”?

4/ Well today we published the implications of a no deal outcome after that ghastly defector @Anna_Soubry made us. Here it is

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/upl…

5/ For those short on time, here is an explainer of our key points

6/ In Para 1 we highlight how no deal does not honour the result of the referendum.

In other words we have no mandate for no deal

7/ In paras 2 and 3 we highlight some of the problems that could arise will be the fault of other people

8/ In Para 6 we highlight that we are willing to not have control of our borders to ensure continuity

9/ We also highlight how we will favour EU hauliers over British ones

10/ In Para 8 we highlight that nearly one third of our most critical projects are behind schedule for a departure on 29 March 2019.

11/ In Para 9 we highlight we are pissing £4bn of your money up the wall for something for which we admit we have no mandate

12/ In Para 11 we talk about a number of critical agreements including aviation.

But the EU has not yet approved their regulation on basic air connectivity which could mean no flights.

We thought it best to flag some detail here rather than in the paper itself

13/ In Para 12 we highlight just how few deals @LiamFox has negotiated despite pissing taxpayer money up the wall travelling the globe

14/ Crucially in that Para we list EEA EFTA countries. We could mean just EFTA or both EEA and EFTA. Either way we have failed there

15/ In Para 13 we mention some discussions are off track. By which we mean we have no fucking chance of replicating what we have now

16/ In Para 14 we really excel ourselves.

17/ Notably we accuse the EU of putting politics above economic interests even though we advocate no deal which will mean our economy is smaller by 6.3% - 9%

18/ We also highlight the utter bollocks that is the Malthouse Compromise.

Which is funny because the Government voted against its own deal to look at alternative arrangements such as the Malthouse Turd

19/ So the Conservatives voted to pursue something they knew was nonsense rather than try and close the deal that would honour the referendum*

20/ * with the exception of Ken Clarke who is the only Conservative to vote for the deal and against the Brady amendment.

21/ In Para 16 we get ready to blame business for not doing enough

22/ In Para 16 we blame you you stupid fucking voters for not doing enough

23/ In Para 21 we show how much we plan to fuck the economy especially Scotland and Northern Ireland which voted remain

24/ 6.3-9% of 2.1 trillion is a lot of money to piss away for blue passports but at least @Jacob_Rees_Mogg has got is Dublin office set up now. We gave him enough time to organise that

25/ In Para 24 we highlight how going to the EU is going to take ages because of border checks on you

26/ In Para 25 we highlight all the extra red tape we are creating

26/ In Paras 26 and 27 we show how we plwill our up barriers to free trade in pursuit of, erm, free trade

27/ In Para 28 we highlight how the French are also not ready by a long chalk

28/ In Para 29 we highlight our dependency on the EU for certain food and that 30% of our food comes from the EU and that with no deal you will have to pay lots more for less

29/ In Para 29 we highlight the potential lack of fruit and veg because there is not enough scurvy in the UK and that needs to change

30/ There is also the risk you lot go mental on a scale worse than when KFC ran out of chicken

31/ In Para 31 we highlight stuff is going to get very expensive.

32/ In Para 32 we highlight if you are a farmer or build cars you are fucked

33/ In paras 35 - 38 we highlight how much we will fuck up Northern Ireland because we do not want to commit to peace without a backstop to stop peace

34/ In Para 39 we highlight how 80% of economy was built on free movement and the benefits of being in the single market. Basically we highlight how great the single market has been for us but @theresa_may hates foreigners so tough

35/ In Para 40 we tell lawyers to sort their shit out. We warned you. You cannot sue us

36/ In paras 43 to 45 we highlight how great the single market has been for us in relation to goods

37/ In Para 47 we highlight the problem of data flows which given we are a services and digital economy is just insane

38/ In Para 48 we finally talk about citizens mainly because @theresa_may hates foreigners and also you.

Here we highlight how no deal robs you of the right of freedom of movement

38/ In that Para we explain how making EU citizens reapply for less rights is “generous” and how we have left UK citizens in the EU to fend for themselves

39/ In paras 49 and 50 we highlight how Scotland, Northern Ireland, Wales and exotic lands like Gibraltar are all going to be fucked

40/ We wrap with Para 51 where we explain we triggered a 2 year clock with no plan and that basically if there is no deal business and you personally will also be to blame

41/ Amazing to think we built a manifesto on this, nearly got a majority and around 40% of you would still vote for us.

You really are bellends

Your Government

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