,
21 tweets,
4 min read
Read on Twitter
1/ I have found that regardless of the topic, my mental health improves dramatically when I hear about other people’s genuine and unfiltered experiences with that topic.
2/ Not advice on my experience, but more hearing directly about their experience on the same (or similar) topic. The difference may sound subtle but for me it has been tremendously powerful.
3/ When I get advice I often feel an obligation to follow through on that advice - to take it. When I hear someone’s experience I can relate and recognize that every situation is different and there are no “easy” or “right” answers.
4/ When I get advice I feel like I should have known better all along. It can make me feel small. When I hear someone’s authentic & vulnerable experience I see I’m not alone. It motivates me to move forward. It inspires and connects me.
5/ My mentors have been terrific. But those relationships have often focused on giving me advice (reactively) to my specific situation. Those pieces of advice may help in tactics or strategy, but rarely moved the needle for my mental health.
6/ To be clear- I am grateful for that advice. It has helped me throughout my life. I would not be where I am without the advice of people more experienced, smarter and wiser than I am.
7/ But I also wish I had realized the importance of hearing about the experiences of others going through similar life stages in an unfiltered way. Hearing about the struggles of others -and how they navigated those struggles- has a calming effect on me.
8/ There is also a nuanced but big difference between hearing how someone “resolved” their struggle in the past and hearing that they are currently in the struggle today. The later is what really helps me feel understood and not alone.
9/ It may be why I get so much out of listening to other CEOs (or support groups) talk about their challenges. I feel less alone -and more connected after I hear about others authentic journeys.
10/ I don’t root against these people. I feel incredibly connected to them when they share. I cheer for them. It is their vulnerability that draws me onto their team like nothing else.
11/ It is rare when advice has helped me as much as just hearing the vulnerability from someone in a similar life stage. I wish I had the skills to access similar support groups at different stages of my life.
12/ I wish when I showed up at college, and really struggled with the academic transition from a small high school in Vermont, that I could have heard about challenges from other people that were making or had made a similar transition.
13/ When I struggled to make a sports team, but eventually got on, I wish I could have talked with other athletes about their journeys. I played basketball, but hearing from similar bench players on other sports would have had a wonderful impact on the loneliness I felt at times
14/ I struggled dramatically with my first boss out of business school. It was a scary time. Hard for me to be vulnerable and I didn’t know many in relevant situations that were willing to give me their unfiltered experience.
15/ Those that had worked for that person and left felt scared to talk openly for fear of getting sued (odd in retrospect). I felt so alone.
16/ During a tough relationship breakup I got advice. Lots of advice. It candidly didn’t help much at all. What was wonderful was in the rare cases I heard about others really difficult journeys. Journeys that weren’t prescriptive about what I “should” do next.
17/ When I started my entrepreneurial journey the advice was helpful for tactics & strategy, but didn’t help much at all for my mental health. It often made things worse because it seemed like everyone had it figured out except for me. I still don’t have it figured out.
18/ I remember one entrepreneur scoffing at the difficulties of hiring engineers. Saying “it isn’t that hard, just go pay them $80k and hire great ones.”
Oh really? Just that?
Oh really? Just that?
19/ Today hearing the unfiltered stories of others helps. It’s why I want to lay out some experiences of my own. I don’t know how much of this is directly relevant for others. Much of it probably isn’t.
20/ My goal is to help others see some of the challenges along the way. Not because they will deal with the same challenges, but because they will know that when they deal with challenges they aren’t alone.
21/ First topic is Boards. Unproductive boards, difficult board members, hard situations. I’ll share some of my experiences. We’ll see if this works. I’ll link to that here. Future topics I’ll add onto this TS.
