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Edwin Hayward🦄🏹🗡️
@uk_domain_names
, 3 tweets, 1 min read Read on Twitter
Why did Michael Gove fail the Pepsi Challenge?
Because he always demanded Coke.
Why did it take Michael Gove so long to recite the Nato Alphabet?
Because he lingered on Charlie.
Why was Michael Gove such a good actor?
Because he always remembered his lines.
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More from @uk_domain_names see all

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Edwin Hayward🦄🏹🗡️
@uk_domain_names
Tory Leadership Excuse-o-meter

I took drugs in the past, but... (circle all that apply)

A) I was young.
B) I was foolish.
C) They had no effect on me.
D) I thought they were just icing sugar/funny smelling cigarettes/DIY Botox.
E) It would have been rude not to.
F) I did not exhale.
G) Who hasn't?
H) At least I never voted Labour.
I) Eton summer break drags on so long, you know.
J) Then my dealer stopped taking my calls.
K) Only because I was thinking ahead to how I might spice up my bid for PM.
L) Who really needs to visit the USA? That's why God invented international waters.
M) Purely for research purposes.
N) Then I discovered fox hunting.
O) I have never shopped at Aldi or Lidl.
P) Only on holiday. What goes on outside the UK stays outside the UK, right?
Read 6 tweets
Profile picture
Edwin Hayward🦄🏹🗡️
@uk_domain_names
Tory Leadership Excusometer
I took drugs in the past, but... (circle all that apply)
A) I was young
B) I was stupid
C) They had no effect on me
D) It would have seemed rude not to
E) I did not exhale
F) At least I never voted Labour
G) Who hasn't?
H) Eton summer break is too long
I) Then my dealer stopped taking my calls
J) It was purely for research
K) It was only so that I could spice up (see what I did there?) my bid for PM
L) I never shopped at Aldi or Lidl
M) Only on holiday. What happens outside the UK stays outside the UK, amiright?
N) Then I discovered fox hunting
O) Only because I knew I'd get away with it
P) Who needs to visit the USA anyway? That's why God invented international waters
Q) It never stopped me ruining other peoples' lives
R) Then I found that politics was much more addictive
Read 5 tweets
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Edwin Hayward🦄🏹🗡️
@uk_domain_names
Sajid Javid blames Ireland for not being willing to implement the (non-existent unicorn) invisible border technology on #Ridge

Also states he would pick no deal over no Brexit.
Read 3 tweets

Related threads

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Paula Chertok🗽
@PaulaChertok
MOST important event today & US media barely covers it. #NATO Secy-General @jensstoltenberg gave a major speech to Congress celebrating the 70th anniversary of an unprecedented period of peace & freedom maintained by the most successful alliance in history
@jensstoltenberg #NATO's Stoltenberg to Congress: "The strength of a nation is not only measured by the size of its economy…but also by the number of its friends…Thru NATO, US has more friends & allies than any other power. This has made US stronger, safer & more secure"
@jensstoltenberg Stoltenberg's historic speech celebrated #NATO founding & foundational one-for-all solemn promise 70yrs ago tomorrow. Reminding US Congress: NATO was founded to shield against aggression, fear of aggression & to stand up to Soviet Union crushing democracies. Russia's still at it!
Read 7 tweets
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Ulrich Speck
@ulrichspeck
#Nato at 70 — what has it been good for? Thread.
NATO is an institution that facilitates geopolitical and security cooperation among its members, North America and European states. It can't change fundamental decisions but it does influence the political thinking and provides platforms for joint decision-making and action. /1
There are four geopolitical developments to which NATO — a pillar of the US-led „liberal international order“ — has been important or even crucial (depends on what your favorite counter-factual scenarios are): /2
Read 8 tweets
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Paula Chertok🗽
@PaulaChertok
#NATO @jensstoltenberg at WH: Thank you for your strong commitment to NATO. US and Europe are doing more together now than we’ve done in many years. It shows that NATO is a strong alliance at 70th anniversary.
Trump emphasizes burden sharing, says relationship is “outstanding”
😬Pretty sure Trump just said now that the Mueller investigation is over, he wants to look at the “oranges” the investigation—“how it started” he adds. He knows something weird came out his mouth. And he repeated it. “Oranges” for “origins”
🍊Trump just had a weird verbal spasm (weirder than usual). He said “oranges” for “origins.” He knew it was wrong, because he added a description (“how it started”). But his brain couldn’t quite find the correct word, trying again a few more times, but only “oranges” came out.😳
Read 7 tweets
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The Grey Man
@IntelOperator
"#NATO still exists, but the alliance hardly exists anymore”
For over a half-century, the GOP has been the natural home of Americans who instinctively understand that global peace is maintained through the projection of strength.

If that’s changing, it’s an unambiguous change for the worse.

commentarymagazine.com/foreign-policy…
Moscow’s military incursions into former Soviet Republics like Ukraine and Georgia should be a wake-up call.

Russia’s territorial ambitions are clear, and Moscow’s violations of Estonian sovereignty suggest that the Kremlin is testing its parameters.
Read 4 tweets
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The Wolf Report
@thewolfreports
Excellent write-up by J. Flores at FRN on Russia going along with western narrative over the IL-20 jet downed on Monday.
That French frigate Auvergne shot down the plane is a long shot, but #NATO wanting to sever #Russia–#France ties is nothing new. fort-russ.com/2018/09/full-a…
Summing up the facts that led to, and followed, the downing of a Russian IL-20 plane.

1/ #NATO has strongly opposed the #Idlib campaign from #Syria & #Russia, warning a response to a chemical attack and then – to secure an escalation – on any attack. maps.southfront.org/now-u-s-threat…
2/ One #NATO member also strongly opposed to the #Idlib campaign, but for all different reasons: #Turkey reinforced its backed rebels in Idlib with support (after striking out the #HTS on its books) and weapons.
reuters.com/article/us-mid…
Read 17 tweets
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Paula Chertok🗽
@PaulaChertok
#NATO summit: NATO leaders united in approving plans to bolster defenses against #Russia. (Earlier Trump slammed allies, called Germany "captive of Russia" b/c of energy deal. Actually, Russia needs that energy deal more than Germany) - The Washington Post washingtonpost.com/world/europe/t…
FACT CHECK: Russia accounts for less than 20% of Germany’s energy needs

Trump falsely claimed Germany gets up to 70% of its energy from and is therefore “captive to Russia.” Nowhere near the truth, even w/ NordStream2 pipeline. snappytv.com/tc/8449919/592… #NATO #NATOsummit
#Russia's pipeline to #Germany that Trump seems to be so mad about, explained - The Washington Post washingtonpost.com/news/worldview… #NATO #NATOsummit #NordStream2
Read 9 tweets

Trending hashtags

#Holi #AmitShah #MSM #PMModi #Parrikar #ManmohanSingh #fintech #Cvoter #Fail #fail #DeshModiKeSaath #propagandist #NATO #ISIL #bots #VoteMaaDi #ModiWave #IndiaStrikesBack #Nadimarg #ModiCabinet #IHRA #LokSabhaElection2019 #GMadhvanNair #ModiSwearingIn #PKK
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