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"'Socialism' Ate My Homework: An Unavoidably Brief Intellectual History of [fill in name of virtually any conservative politician since 1964]."
Chapter 1: You Know Who Tried to Limit How Much Arsenic Got Dumped into the Rivers? STALIN, that’s who!!!! Why Do You Hate Freedom So Much?
Chapter 2: “My Boss Went to Europe Once and the Elevator in His Hotel Was Busted and That Just Goes to Show You How Socialism Ruins Everything. It Also Made Their Cheese Stink.”
Chapter 3: “I Saw a Film in Eighth Grade That Showed Fidel Castro Riding a Bus in NYC and That’s When I Realized Public Transportation Was a Socialist Plot. Also, Our Maid Rode the Bus and She Read Books I Didn’t Recognize, So She Was Probably a Red.”
Chapter 4: “Public Schools are Socialism Because They Make Everyone Read the Same Books. Also, my Grandpa Didn’t Recognize Any of the Titles and My Pastor Said God Hated Those Books and Gave Us Better Ones for us all to Read so We’d Truly Understand What Real Freedom Was.”
Chapter 5: “Getting Soul-Destroying Socialist Money From the Government Makes You Weak While Inheriting Money From Your Grandma Makes You Deserving of Admission to Her Alma Mater Because [scowl]....FREEDOM!!!!”
Chapter 6: “Ayn Rand Taught Me Everything I Need To Know About Socialism (Even Though She Was an Intolerant Tyrant in Her Personal Life And Her Mediocre Books Were Given Away to Schools in the Millions by Rich People Who Hated Paying Taxes) But....VENEZUELA!!!”
Chapter 7: Didja Know the Nazis Called Themselves National SOCIALISTS and Built a Cult of Personality Around a Blustering Leader Who Demonized Racial and Sexual Minorities and Held Massive Rallies Where He Railed Against the Lying Press and His Traitorous Domestic Enemies
Note: For some strange reason, Chapter 7 does not appear in books of this genre published after 2016.
