Thread by @jeremynewberger

Tonight on NBC the #DemDebate starring...

#DemDebate starts with @ewarren's 'it's doing great' slam poem.

.@amyklobuchar is promising free community college. What are you offering? (Points at magazine picture of a Maserati.) #DemDebate

Beto just failed my son's 8th grade Spanish final. #DemDebate

God just took over the #DemDebate and froze my TV on this image.

.@CoryBooker just looked like me when the Scattergories buzzer goes off. #DemDebate

And @ewarren gets a second shot. Front runners gonna front run. #DemDebate

.@JulianCastro just got applause from my 12 year-old daughter re: equal pay answer.
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No offense to @TulsiGabbard, but that answer was a 4 out of 10. #humblebrag

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John Delaney is not a stock actor from Law&Order? The Assistant DA, the plumber who witnessed a murder, cheated on husband, the cop who works the gun cage? #DemDebate

MSNBC never figured out who this guy was so no chyron ever appeared. #DemDebate

Looks like @ewarren is winning this #DemDebate the way that guy did on Jeopardy.

PROGRAMMING NOTE.

@amyklobuchar follows me on Twitter. Hey girl!

#DemDebate

I think @ewarren has gotten 4 more questions than that guy at the end who looks like he operates the Meineke Car Care Center in Yonkers.
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Beto's adam's apple is Quato.

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Wait. Mayor @BilldeBlasio is running for President?

John Delaney looks like the evil TV hospital administrator who is sympathetic one episode when he removes a gallbladder while trapped in an elevator.
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2nd mention from @CoryBooker that he lives in a low income neighborhood. Did Cory move onto the set of RENT? #DemDebate

.@JulianCastro is pretty smooth tonight. #DemDebate

I think @CoryBooker > @BetoORourke. In the sounding for real department.

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My thoughts so far: Ten people should not debate. Speed Debating is annoying.

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I think @JulianCastro leaves tonight with a bump. Much needed. #DemDebate

No one on this stage would mistake the words straight with strait, or for that matter, rape someone in a Bergdorf Goodman fitting room.

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I think Mayor @BilldeBlasio is one of those guys who argues with you, even when he agrees with you.
ME: Looks like rain.
BILL: What you don't understand is that there is precipitation and it is falling on you and if we don't put up umbrellas, we are going to get wet!
#DemDebate

Sorry folks I am quickly looking up section 1325 to see who is wrong in the Castro v Beto battle. #DemDebate

It might help Congressman @TimRyan that he looks like a wrestling coach who locked his keys in his car during the state championships. It might not. #DemDebate

PROGRAMMING NOTE: I just realized @JayInslee follows me too. What's up SLEE!

Ok carry on.
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Lester Holt just ruined that dude's Grandpa coming over story. Like totally destroyed it.

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LESTER HOLT: Show of hands, how many of you want to hear Delaney's grandfather story? Just as I thought. Sorry Delaney.

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There is such little time to speak when 10 people are debating that the candidates have taken to blurting. Blurting never works out for anyone.
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My man @JayInslee needs to whip out a bullhorn. This thing is running away from him.

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SAVANA GUTHRIE: These next 4 questions are all for @ewarren.

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Chuck Todd will ask all 10 candidates the follow up questions he didn't ask Trump.

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MSNBC needs to turn down Samantha Guthrie's microphone.

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MSNBC shouldn't have hired the AV crew from Deja Vu Showgirls Tampa Strip Club

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MSNBC had to switch moderators in the middle of their debates because we hadn't heard enough voices on this friggin' #DemDebate. It's been like the Broadway Musical CATS already. C'mon!

And now the judges of America's Got Talent will ask the next few questions...

#DemDebate

Thankfully this debate will not being simulcast on NRATV.

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I'm gonna ask you how you would stop the gun problem in America and I want you to answer it in 30 seconds. And go...Sorry your time is up.

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Meanwhile at the side of the stage...

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IMHO, Beto needs to hop on top of the podium and throw frisbees to the audience or he is not gonna make it to the next one of these.

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John Delaney is being treated very unfairly...

...by the other suit salesmen at the Men's Warehouse.

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CHUCK TODD: I promise you Congressmen Delaney, we will get to you as soon as we can, now where was I, Elizabeth Warren, do you have a plan for getting John Delaney in this debate more?
WARREN: I do.

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JAY INSLEE: (to Tulsi Gabbard) How do you think we get in this more?
TULSI GABBARD: Shhh. I'm watching this.

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They should have had all 20 on stage at the same time and hid the microphone on stage like some big Escape Room.

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All any of these people have really got to do is promise they wont lie every day and do awful things. I'd settle for half of that at this point.

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Tim Ryan is thinking about whether he put his black dress socks in with his whites at the laundromat.

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Cory Booker has a "It's not enough" slam poem he is working out.
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MADDOW: Governor Inslee, a 3 second follow up to that previous question.
INSLEE: I think...
MADDOW: Thank you Governor. Now a 4 second response Congressman Ryan to the question about minority voters.
RYAN: You see...
MADDOW: Thank your Congressman.

#DemDebate

BILL DE BLASIO: No, no, no, I am going to disagree with you now with words that sound like I am in full agreement. That's where I think you are dead wrong.

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In this debate, the MSNBC cameraman is the one sweating like Nixon. #DemDebae

The Tim Ryan Tulsi Gabbard debate that nobody wanted.
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CHUCK TODD: The greatest geopolitical threat in 1 word and it has to rhyme with orange. Go.

#DemDebate

FYI - Cut from Hamilton

You ever see a painting by John Trumbull?
Founding Fathers in a line, looking all humble
Patiently waiting to sign a declaration, to start a nation
No sign of disagreement, not one grumble
declaration.fas.harvard.edu/blog/trumbull
#DemDebate

JOHN DELANEY: When you have done as much campaigning as I have, three days outside Super A&P next to a table of girl scouts...
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FYI. If my kids' sleep away camp would post some pictures from today I would be looking at that, but alas, I am here. #DemDebate

First hour of this debate was Castro and Warren. Second hour of this debate is all over the place.

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DELANEY: In closing, I will never be President of the United States.

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BILL DE BLASIO: It matters that the people you Mayor, like you as Mayor, before they make you President. Now excuse me, I have a bikram yoga class.

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JAY INSLEE: I am the only candidate who looks like he could be a candidate in the Republican Party. Like a Mike Pencey kind of number.

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TIM RYAN: If you remember one thing from this debate, let it be ten minutes ago when I argued with Tulsi Gabbard about her military service.

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TULSI GABBARD: I am not a member of the X-Men. Unless you think it will help. Then I am Storm. Or Jean Grey. Whoever it takes.

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JULIAN CASTRO: Adios to Donald Trump.

NAILED IT.

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AMY KLOBUCHAR: I think I could beat you in Scrabble and then shit talk you about it for weeks.

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CORY BOOKER: After saying all that stuff about my low income neighborhood I am never gonna be able to sell my house so please elect me President so I can move to the White House, without issue.

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BETO: If you elect me I will learn Spanish better. (in bad accent) Lo prometo!

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ELIZABETH WARREN: How did I not get in the real debate tomorrow? It's total bull____.

(approx)

#DemDebate

And that concludes the 30 second answer debate.

#SomeUselessShit
#DemDebate