Thread by @socofthesacred

THREAD: After writing a book & 20ish articles on porn use, I'm often asked my opinion on "porn addiction." Is it a thing? Am I addicted? The concern is particularly worrisome for Christian men who hate that they use porn. Here's what I tell them. (1) @JoshuaGrubbsPhD @DrDavidLey

Porn addiction may indeed be a thing. (I've heard of some extreme, self-destructive porn use patterns.) But "addiction" in the clinical sense does not describe the experience of most men I've talked to who fear they may be addicted to porn. At least two issues at play here... (2)

First is that behavioral addictions (e.g., compulsive gambling) tend to be characterized by dysregulation & escalation that just isn't there for most porn-using men. I'm NOT advocating for porn use here, but it isn't destroying the lives of *most* men who use it. Most men... (3)

who are really troubled by their porn use are troubled because they don't want to watch *ANY* porn, not because it's become so uncontrollable that it's cost them their jobs & families. (If it has, then addiction may indeed be the best word.) It's just not helpful to call... (4)

every behavior we're tempted to do semi-regularly an "addiction" when what we really mean is that we're drawn to a behavior we find problematic for some reason & we'd rather fill our lives with other activities. I eat donuts more than I'd like, but I'm not "addicted" to them. (5)

I reserve the term "addiction" for extreme & self-destructive patterns in which someone has lost control & the behavior is escalating despite severe consequences. For *most* I've spoken with, porn use just doesn't fit that description. (Not saying they should think it's OK.) (6)

Here's a 2nd key issue at play: For most men who are bothered by their porn use, it's not *really* the porn itself they're drawn to so much as the masturbation that uses porn to facilitate it. For men at least, most porn is watched alone while masturbating. Which is central? (7)

People don't masturbate *because* they happened to watch porn. Rather they sought out porn *because* they expected to masturbate to it. Porn is just the stimulus. Orgasm via masturbation is the goal. Most men who worry about porn addiction aren't "addicted" to porn itself... (8)

but more accurately have developed a habit of masturbating that they likely started when they were younger to feel a sense of control or comfort, or to sleep, or relieve stress, or all of the above. Porn is just a quick and effective means to facilitate the solo-masturbation. (9)

So where does that leave concerned men (& women) who want to stop looking at porn for moral reasons or b/c it just bothers them? First, I don't think calling yourself "addicted" helps. Second, it'd be helpful to talk to someone you trust about why the behavior bothers... (10)

you & try to explore what is it that masturbating to porn does for you? Is it a stress release? A control thing? A way to passively get back at your spouse/girlfriend/all women? Try to get at the hurt & why masturbating to porn has been your self-medication of choice... (11)

And third, rather than obsessing over "I must not masturbate to porn! I must avoid all temptation!" which can trigger something called "experiential avoidance" that actually backfires & makes you more prone to seek out the problem behavior, try to fill your life w/other... (12)

positive things that you morally affirm & find life-giving. Go work out. Invest in your romantic relationship. Dive into work. Hang out with friends more. And try to be conscious of situations in which that problem behavior seems more attractive (e.g., you're tired, anxious) (13)

Those are my thoughts. Plenty of moral positions on porn, but here I'm speaking to those who are morally troubled by their own porn use & are looking for some clarity on what's going on there. Men were the example, but women could be included of course. (14)