,
15 tweets,
3 min read
Read on Twitter
A thread: I’d like to talk about what happened, and what is happening.
In 2006, I was brainwashed and poisoned by a family in a cult to the point of near-death, then hospitalized. While hospitalized, I was sexually assaulted by a nurse.
I am currently experiencing and taking steps to overcome PTSD, dissociative episodes, trust issues, memory difficulties, and co-dependency issues due to these horrific traumas. Only now, after thirteen years, do I feel even remotely close to resuming my life where I left off.
In February of 2019, I got sober and quit smoking cigarettes. It was only then that I could begin to clearly see the rest of my coping mechanisms. With the help of a higher power and consistent meditation, I began to make a list of everything I wanted but didn’t currently have.
It was a list of healthy behaviors, such as wanting financial stability and wanting to love myself. I then worked through the list, moving from “I want” to “I need”, worked through the things I can control and the things I cannot, then I moved to “I am” once I was truly doing so.
The list was very long because I was very unhealthy. Moving through each item took work and time. Now that I am healthier, I can recognize what is unhealthy. And that truly feels like a super power.
I found a weekly therapist that I can walk to who allows me to pay what I can because she is in training. I have also scheduled an appointment to start very specialized treatment to continue recovering and facing the trauma head-on.
For my specific experience, I’m going to require EMDR therapy and a focus on trauma, PTSD, and dissociative disorders. Once again blessed, I have found a therapist specializing in all and I begin one week from today. They exist.
After religion let me down, I have now re-accepted my faith in a higher power. I am living proof that it exists, and I am so very grateful. I am happy to speak more about this if you are curious. It has been remarkable. I now know the difference between coincidence and fate.
In February of 2019, I was down to the very last of my finances, and was blessed with what would become an ongoing freelance gig the very next day. It fell out of the sky when I needed it most.
While both a blessing and a curse in many ways, it was the last toxic job environment I would accept. I reported an abusive supervisor to HR and the company did not bring me back to freelance shortly after.
To get where I am now, I thought in terms of my favorite video game series, The Legend of Zelda. I likened my path to the Triforce; the traditional pieces are wisdom, power, and courage. I had to understand what my own pieces are.
At the bottom left, Embrace Peace (wisdom). At the top, Accept Love (courage). And at the bottom right, I realized I must Impart Wisdom (power).
I am only qualified to share my story and what resources I have found. It happened and it is the truth. I don’t know what the future holds, but I finally believe that it will be a good one.
Some days I do find it very hard to believe this, and some days it is less hard. There’s still work ahead and there may always will be, I am not certain. I know that I am grateful, and I know that there is strength in crying.
