Thread by @dodo_leleyi

Getting to marry a virgin is seen as Sunnah, even though it is not a prerequisite to a happy and everlasting Nikāh. The Prophet encouraged Jabir to marry a virgin at first, until he gave his reasons for settling for a previously married woman:

It was narrated that Jaabir ibn

https://twitter.com/yasmeen006/status/1167127558095286272

‘Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased with them both) said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked me, ‘Have you got married?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘A virgin or a previously-married woman?’ I said, ‘A previously-married woman.’ He said, ‘Why not a young

girl, whom you could play with and she could play with you?’ I said, ‘I have sisters and I wanted to marry a woman who could gather them together and comb their hair and take care of them.’ He said: ‘You will reach, so when you have arrived (at home), I advise you to associate

with your wife (that you may have an intelligent son).’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari).

Keeping one's virginity intact gives an insight into how chaste a lady is, even though it has been proven beyond reasonable doubts that hymens can be broken without having sexual relation

prior to marriage. Men are also enjoined to be chaste. Not having an hymen that can be broken doesn't translate to a free ticket to being a community penis. We have all in one way have our fair share of life's tempting moments, & for some ladies, their tempting moment was when

lost their virginity, either through illicit sexual relation or through other means which does not involve sex. We are humans, made to err, there are no perfectionists. Allah's door is always open to forgiveness, & if after transgressing, one seeks His mercy, they will be

forgiven. There are virgins of high religious commitment & moral character, just as there are virgins whose religious commitments and moral characters are nothing to write home about. The same goes for those who are not virgins.

The Prophet gave us many insights into the kind of woman to marry, the highest of which is a woman who us committed to her religion. Consider the following narrations:

1. The Prophet (Peace be upon him said): “Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage,

their beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may your prosper).” Narrated by al-Bukhaari.

2. It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: It was said to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings

of Allaah be upon him): Which of women is best? He said: “The one who makes (her husband) happy when he looks at her, obeys him when he tells her to do something, and does not disobey him with regard to herself or her wealth in a way that he dislikes.” — Narrated by al-Nasaa’i

3. The Prophet also said in a long narration narrated by Thawbān:

“Let one of you acquire a thankful heart, a tongue that remembers Allaah and a believing wife who will help him with regard to the Hereafter.”  — Narrated and classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi

Will you then forfeit a woman who is religiously committed because you want a virgin whom you can enjoy sexual experience with for the first time? If Allah blesses you with a virgin who is religiously committed, Alhamdulilah. If He blesses you otherwise, as long as she is

watchful of her religious obligations and takes care of the home in the best of ways, go forth with it, and maybe through her, you will earn Jannah.

Yes, as a man, one might not be able to stop the thoughts that coming with knowing that one's spouse wasn't married a virgin,

especially if the means through which she lost her virginity wasn't pleasing enough. But should they be condemned and shamed all the time because of that. Some men go as far as making mistakes, accusing chaste women of what they didn't do, remember the words of our Creator:

Indeed, those who [falsely] accuse chaste, unaware and believing women are cursed in this world and the Hereafter; and they will have a great punishment

-Sura An-Nur, Ayah 23

If a woman is repentant about her past, don't guilt-trip her. If you can't marry her, Allah will bring someone who is better than you. There are thousands of virgins, go for them, may Allah bless your marriage. BUT

do not let a woman of high religious commitment slip through your fingers in the quest for virgins. Virginity is not restricted to women alone, women do not ask why you're not a virgin, why victimize them? If you find pleasure in illicit relationship, you in fact have no right

with regards to the matter. The emphasis on women virginity needs to be readdressed. I think it's high time we focus on men too. Maybe that will give us a taste of what they (women) also feel. May Allah forgive us all our shortcomings and grant us goodness.

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