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I’ve been a bit taken aback by how many comments and messages this thread drew.
The kind words have been incredibly sweet but rest on me a bit uncomfortably for a few reasons that I think are important to share.
1/
The kind words have been incredibly sweet but rest on me a bit uncomfortably for a few reasons that I think are important to share.
1/
First, fathers get outsized praise for things mothers do without fanfare or even notice.
Single fathers get ticker tape parades for merely managing to be effective parents.
I’m proud of being a loving parent. But that makes me no different or better than most mothers.
2/
Single fathers get ticker tape parades for merely managing to be effective parents.
I’m proud of being a loving parent. But that makes me no different or better than most mothers.
2/
Second, shelving what was my life to prioritize my son was a compulsion. It wasn’t a choice. It was a driving force I could not have NOT done had I wanted to.
It was the product of my own childhood and how that wired me as an adult.
It was simply what I was wired to do.
3/
It was the product of my own childhood and how that wired me as an adult.
It was simply what I was wired to do.
3/
I don’t think there is anything particularly laudable about doing what is in your nature.
It is noble to accept pain for someone else’s betterment. It would have pained me more to not engineer my life around my son’s early years. That doesn’t seem applause-worthy to me.
4/
It is noble to accept pain for someone else’s betterment. It would have pained me more to not engineer my life around my son’s early years. That doesn’t seem applause-worthy to me.
4/
And lastly, while I call that worst year my Year of the Phoenix, I’m not yet arisen. I’ve survived and endured. I would not say I’ve made it through the tunnel yet.
I have at least several months of excruciating financial pain (and therefore stress) to get through.
5/
I have at least several months of excruciating financial pain (and therefore stress) to get through.
5/
Even then, I will not be fully renewed. There will be a time of rebuilding.
I will likely enjoy that rise more than I’ve enjoyed any in my life but it isn’t here yet and certainly isn’t behind me.
6/
I will likely enjoy that rise more than I’ve enjoyed any in my life but it isn’t here yet and certainly isn’t behind me.
6/
It feels uncomfortable to me to accept praise and applause for a version that feels more Hollywood than real.
I’ve endured difficult things. I’ve done my best through them. I’m proud of some of my choices and saddened by the ways I didn’t do well enough.
7/
I’ve endured difficult things. I’ve done my best through them. I’m proud of some of my choices and saddened by the ways I didn’t do well enough.
7/
I’m not a triumphant, conqueror of hardship.
I’m human and imperfect. I struggle and persist.
While I appreciate the praise, it’s undue.
We all have our labors. I’d rather we we all felt bonded by our shared struggles than be praised me for enduring mine.
8/8
I’m human and imperfect. I struggle and persist.
While I appreciate the praise, it’s undue.
We all have our labors. I’d rather we we all felt bonded by our shared struggles than be praised me for enduring mine.
8/8
