Thread by @louisa_schuess

"Azungu akutibera mkazi"

A THREAD

So, two weeks ago I was in the Capital for my graduation. My thought was, get in and out of tje City without many friends knowing. So I told a few and luckily, all were busy to hang out. Perfect

Graduation day came, the ceremony got done and we were back home. Soon as we got home, my mum and aunts go out for celebrations, leaving me and my sister as though it was their own graduation

After a few minutes of boredom, my sister and I decided to head out to mugg and bean to chill and make plans. A ghel wanted to get drunk

So my sister called her friends and we all decided to meet by my aunt's bar to have brandy. Plus, boost family business. Killing 2 birds with one stone

We meet and the liquor is good. Good company etc. My other friend shows up and it is a full house, laughter and all

Just after we finished the first bottle, my mum, aunts and uncle pull up. All of them lit.

So now we are all there being uncomfortable cause ain't no way we are drinking with lit parents.

I suggest to head out, go to Harry's Bar and chill. Also, Angoni Black was djying that night and I wanted to support a friend. Everyone else agrees to the plan so we walk to the car ngati nyelele, in line and fast making sure to not be seen

After we packed outside Harry's is where the fun begun

Anyway, we spewed out of the car. Some of the guys were already dancing to the music. We all walked towards thw gate with a bounce in our step.

We were FREE and about to have ridiculous fun

We were all walking towards the gate with our disposable cups filled witj brandy like

Until the guard shouted
"STOPPPPPPPPPPPP"

Our bouncy steps stop midday, we all looking at him like WTF man, we just wanna get in

He calmlys, "makosana, kuno sitimalola kulowa ndi mowa. Tipempha kuti muusiye mgalimoto kapena mumaliziletu musanalowe"

We all like

We are all putting up a fight, all but my sister cause ghel doesn't drink. So she's busy looking at us beg this guy to let us sneak it in as though we are asking for life.

But we got back a strict
"NO"

Anyway, the guys decide we leave the liquor in the car. They all put them back except Moi. I'm thinking to myself
'the universe must be good to me today, I just graduated. By fire by force, this brandy will sew the intestines of Harry's'

I quickly stuck my hand that was carrying the liquor in my jacket. Hid the cup and had a cheeky smile on my face.
You might be wondering how big the jacket was, well I took it from oomf and he is a bit plum. It was BIG.

We walked back towards the gate. I waa hidden by the guys and so the guard couldn't see me. I quickly walked in and started having my victory walk

Until Evan shouted from the back
"Guys, ine Loui sindinamuone akusiya cup mgalimoto muja how come"

The guard shoots up and walka towards us again to inspect us and guess what, I am caught

I decided to be a good citizen, and went to leave it

We got in the bar and place is lit 🔥🔥. We all greet Black and get on the dance floor. I quickly scan the room, apart from the 2 black guys, there was a group of 5 people (3 whites and 2 indians).

Anyway, we order beers and keep dancing. I was dancing until I spotted the darts board planted on the wall. I have always wanted to play darts, always wanted to learn.
So my drunk self starts nagging the guys I was with kuti we should play, and got refused by all 3 of them

So I keep dancing but with a sad mode

That was until the 2 inds and 1 whitey came to play. When they were playing, I was looking at them like a kid watching other kids eat candy while being starved

The Indian guy noticed and waved at me over. I did not hesitate, left the squad. Mans says,
"Would you love to play with us"

To which I quickly said "YES but I don't know how"

He goes "I'll teach you"

So I join them. He hands me 3 darts, then goes just 2 steps behind me. He touches my shoulders while gently explaining the posture I should have when throwing them. Even throws a joke or 2 to which I laugh at. I was having fun

It almost looked like a scene from the movie when a guy is trying to teach a girl pool

My friend, let's call him Sean, is looking at the scene like

So he goes by the counter and tells the rest of the group
"Zauchisilu, azungu akutibela mkazi apo"

That was the time they all noticed that I had gone to play.
So they are all looking at the guys like

They decided to send Max over, as guard. So Max comes and puts his arm around my waist, and screams
"I WANT TO PLAY TOO"

I am looking at him like

He gets the darts from the Indian teacher and stands. Starts flexing his arms and all. Dude even had a game face

And I'm looking at him like

He starts throwing the darts.
1. One landed way about the board
2. Second landed slightly low from the board
3. Third bounces off

We are all laughing apart from Max, mans was pissed. So Sean steps in, same game face, same results.

I take back the darts and the indian allows me to throw on my own just to see if I had picked up anything from his lesson. Which I did, had no bullseye but at least mine landed on the board

I was given the darts again and this time, Indian was going to give another lessons. Just as he was about to step behind me, Max pulls me to him. Mans like
"Let's dance, this is my fav song"

I rigidly gave back the darts and went to dance

The Indian and his friend join in on the dancing.
Gangnum Style starts playing and they start thay weird white people dancing. Us blacks, decide to step back and watch the clownery before us

Sean decides to have a dance off, kuti aonetse skill. He won and was there looking at them like

We decide we have had enough and I was tired. So again, we say goodnight to Angoni and head out.

With the 2 indian guys behind us

The teacher walks to me and says,
"Maybe I should have your number, just in case you want to play darts and hang out"

Before I could respond, Sean pounced and said
"She is with US, she is our girl. Have some respect"

Indian guy goes
"Damn, I thought all y'all related. My bad"

Anyway, he offered us British weed as peace offering. Chatted more about him and we left

Have a blessed Sunday guys.

Oh and read my blog, follow it too
louisadiary.wordpress.com